Why Grandparents Are Important: Their Vital Role in Today's Families
Grandparents offer far more than babysitting and cookies. Read how these relationships create lasting benefits for children, parents, and grandparents themselves - plus how to navigate the delicate balance of boundaries that keep families connected.
One late November day, I got a text from my daughter-in-law. Her parents had just left after visiting for Thanksgiving, so I hadn’t talked to the family for over a week.
“Can’t do Facetime today,” she texted. “I’m pretty sick.”
I told her I was sorry to hear that, and asked her if they needed help. I had enough frequent flier miles to fly down, and my schedule was flexible for the next few days. A couple hours later she texted me again.
“If you could come, that would be great.”
I booked a flight and was at their house by noon the next day. What we thought would be a few days of backup while she recovered ended up being much more. Over the next two weeks she got sicker and sicker with a mystery illness, ended up in the hospital for a week, and then very slowly got better. For six weeks, it took all four grandparents trading off to keep the household running, while my son took on the brunt of caring for his wife and working full time.
Through it all, we all kept thinking: what would they have done without the grandparents?
While your family may not face a crisis to prove your worth, it’s still true: Grandparents are important. The challenges and opportunities that today’s families face make grandparent relationships incredibly valuable. Our society is changing at a more rapid pace than ever before, and the role of grandparents keeps evolving to support both children and parents in meaningful ways.
Why grandparents are important: What research tells us
Research consistently confirms what many families intuitively understand: grandparent relationships significantly impact children's development and family well-being. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children with close relationships to their grandparents had fewer emotional and behavioral problems (Kong et al., 2013). The positive effects were seen even after adjusting for the influence of parenting.
Historically, grandparents often lived with or near their adult children, providing practical support and wisdom as part of daily family life. While today's families may be more geographically dispersed, grandparents continue to offer a different kind of relationship that complements what parents provide.
Multiple studies have shown that children who have strong relationships with grandparents demonstrate greater social skills, including higher levels of empathy (Motherhood Center, 2023). The parent-child relationship is shaped by daily responsibilities and expectations. The grandparent-child relationship, on the other hand, is usually free of those constraints.
This relationship offers emotional stability in several important ways:
Grandparents often have more time and patience for one-on-one interaction
They provide consistent love during family transitions like moves, divorces, or new siblings
They offer a sense of family identity and belonging that extends beyond the immediate household
They demonstrate unconditional love that helps build children's self-esteem
Grandparents as the bridge between generations
When grandparents share family stories, traditions, and cultural practices, they help children develop a stronger sense of identity and belonging. They serve as living links to family heritage and history—as well as a source of entertainment for the grandchildren.
One grandmother described how her grandkids love hearing stories about "the olden days" when she was young. "They can't believe I grew up without the internet or cell phones," she laughs. "But telling them about how we played outside until dark, or how we made our own entertainment, helps them understand that childhood has always been about discovery and imagination – even if the tools have changed."
Grandparents often possess skills and knowledge from different eras that may not be common today. From traditional crafts and cooking methods to gardening wisdom and practical fix-it skills, grandparents can share valuable knowledge that might otherwise be lost between generations.
This intergenerational exchange benefits everyone involved. Children gain perspective and skills, while grandparents experience the joy of passing on their legacy. Parents benefit too, as children develop respect for different generations and learn to value wisdom that comes from life experience.
The lasting impact of grandparent relationships
The importance of grandparents extends beyond the immediate family circle. When grandparents actively engage with grandchildren, they contribute to family resilience, community connection, and the preservation of cultural knowledge.
For children, relationships with grandparents provide security, perspective, and a sense of extended family identity. Grandparent involvement has been positively associated with children's social skills, peer communication, and social initiative in early childhood. These benefits create ripple effects that can last throughout a child's development.
For parents, supportive grandparents offer practical help, emotional backing, and the reassurance of another loving presence in their children's lives. In a time when parent stress levels are at historic highs, this kind of assistance and emotional support benefits both the parents and children.
And for grandparents themselves, this relationship brings purpose, joy, and the profound satisfaction of nurturing the next generation. Intentional, involved grandparents find their role deeply satisfying.
Building meaningful relationships with grandchildren
Whether spending time together daily or connecting from across the country, the quality of interaction matters more than quantity. Like any other meaningful relationship, true engagement is more important than elaborate activities or expensive gifts.
One grandfather described his approach: "I focus on being fully present when I'm with my grandchildren. We might just be taking a walk or reading books, but I try to really listen and engage with what interests them." This presence – this genuine attention – creates the foundation for lasting connection.
Related reading: 5 Ways to Be More Present With Your Grandkids
For grandparents who live far from grandchildren, maintaining relationships requires creativity. Video calls, letters, and shared activities can bridge physical distance. Though video calls seem easy, writing letters is often a more powerful way to connect generations.
Rather than focusing on creating "perfect" moments worthy of social media posts, the most meaningful grandparent experiences often emerge from simple, authentic interactions. Reading together, telling stories, preparing meals, working on projects, or simply talking create the fabric of relationships that last.
Navigating the boundary balance: A two-way street
Despite research showing the value grandparents bring to families, not all parents agree. Many grandparents find themselves seeing grandchildren less often – or not at all – because of boundary issues that create tension with their adult children.
Offering unsolicited parenting advice, overriding parents' decisions when caring for grandchildren, or ignoring current safety guidelines because "that's not how we did it" are problematic. Even if well-intentioned, these actions show blatant disrespect for parents' authority.
Respecting parents' decisions isn't optional – it's essential for maintaining healthy family relationships. When grandparents honor boundaries, they strengthen their influence rather than diminishing it.
When disagreements arise about parenting approaches, grandparents who use respectful language are more likely to maintain positive relationships. Instead of "You're spoiling that baby by picking him up whenever he cries," try "I notice you always respond when he cries. That approach seems different from what we did – I'd love to understand more about your thinking."
For grandparents working to repair strained relationships, humility goes a long way. A sincere apology without defensiveness, followed by consistent boundary respect, creates the foundation for rebuilding trust.
Learn about Grandparent Academy’s Reconciliation Summit*
*affliate link
For parents: Considering the value of grandparent relationships
As parents, your family values may differ from your child’s grandparents. Setting boundaries to protect those values is part of your job. Sometimes grandparents have trouble respecting those boundaries. The difference in values has led many parents to reduce or cut contact with grandparents. If you are considering limiting grandparent involvement, it's worth considering what children gain from these relationships.
Studies have shown that higher involvement of grandparents is associated with fewer emotional problems and more pro-social behavior in children, particularly in single-parent and step-parent families. This suggests grandparents can play a compensatory role and serve as an alternative resource to parents.
Another interesting study found that strong emotional connections with grandparents can actually buffer children from the effects of maternal depression. When the grandparent-grandchild relationship was strong, a mother's depression was not associated with depression in her children. As the researchers concluded, grandparents can "buffer the intergenerational transmission of depression" by providing emotional support and stability.
The stability grandparents provide can be particularly valuable during challenging times. During family transitions, grandparents often represent continuity and security. Their perspective can help children understand that current difficulties are part of a longer life journey.
I saw this first hand when I was helping while my daughter-in-law was sick. One evening, my five-year-old granddaughter asked what would happen if Mama died. After assuring her that the doctors and Daddy were taking really good care of Mama, I told her that there were lots of people who loved her and would always take care of her. This was the reassurance she needed: that she and her siblings wouldn’t be left to fend for themselves.
For parents navigating boundary concerns with grandparents, clear communication about expectations is key. Read more about difficult conversations with grandparents in this blog post.
The grandparent's journey of growth
Becoming a grandparent isn't just about what you give to others – it's also an opportunity for personal growth and learning. Many grandparents describe this role as bringing unexpected joy and purpose to their lives.
"I thought I knew everything about raising children after having three of my own," one grandfather shared. "But grandparenting has humbled me. I've had to learn new approaches and admit that parenting knowledge has evolved. It's been challenging sometimes, but also pretty rewarding to realize I can keep learning new things at my age!"
Adapting to current parenting practices often requires flexibility and openness. From new approaches to feeding and sleep to different disciplinary philosophies, today's parents make choices based on research and information that wasn't available to previous generations. Grandparents who approach these differences with curiosity rather than judgment find more satisfaction in their role.
This adaptation isn't always easy, but it offers rich opportunities for continued learning and development. Many grandparents report that this relationship has helped them stay mentally flexible, physically active, and emotionally engaged as they age. Research finds that caring for grandchildren at least once a week benefits grandparents' mental health, strengthening their brain function and memory.
Like any important role, being a grandparent benefits from being intentional. Reading about child development, learning about current parenting approaches, and reflecting on how to support without overstepping all contribute to closer relationships.
As you navigate your own grandparenting journey, remember that your presence matters in ways both seen and unseen. By approaching this role with intention, respect, and openness, you create lasting impact that extends far beyond childhood.
Have you considered what your grandparenting legacy will be? Your Grand Vision can help you not just dream it, but achieve it.