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Ever wondered why or how to write a letter to your grandchildren? Here’s the answer to both.  Do you have any letters from your grandparents? If you do, you know how special they are. The written word is a powerful connector, and letters are physical proof that you value your relationship with your grandchild. There is no better way to link generations than regularly writing letters to a grandchild! Grandparents often ask, “What should I write to my grandchild?” It can be especially hard when your grandchild is too young to respond. You sometimes feel as if you are writing into a void! That’s why I’ve put together a year’s worth of Letters to My Grandchild Prompts. Read them below, then keep reading for tips on writing to different ages and how to make this a part of your grandparenting routine. Each month has an overall theme and some questions to get you thinking about stories you can share. The questions are just starting points, and some may not apply to your family. Feel free to go off on your own tangent after reading the prompts! January: Share stories about resolutions.
February: Share stories about Valentine’s Day.
March: Share your thoughts about spring.
April: In celebration of Earth Day, share stories about nature.
May: Share some stories about your family tree and its roots.
June: In honor of the traditional month of weddings, share some family love stories.
July: Share favorite summer memories.
August: Share your thoughts and stories about traveling.
September: Share your memories of your school days.
October: Share memories of Halloween.
November: Share memories of news you have lived through.
December: Share your holiday stories.
Writing to children under five Before your grandchild can read and write, your letters are not going to be very important to them. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write them, however! When they are older, they will have a written record of how often you thought of them, and they’ll treasure the stories you’ve shared. If your grandchild is very young, you may want to write these letters and collect them for when they are older. You could also send them and ask parents to keep them somewhere safe. Writing to school age children Once children are old enough to read and write and understand the passage of time, they will start to appreciate all the stories you share. As they get older, your letters can be an important way to get to know one another. You can begin to pose questions in your letters, asking them to call or write you with their answers. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get responses, however. Keep writing and asking, so they know you are interested in their lives. Writing to teenagers Letters to teenagers can continue to ask questions, and you can begin to share more of your life’s wisdom. You can offer encouragement and share stories about struggles you had as a teen. They will love stories about their parents and aunts or uncles. Whatever you do, keep writing. Teens need to know that there are adults in their lives who will be there for them no matter what. (See our post on 7 Ways Your Teenage Grandchild Needs You.) How to Write a Letter to Grandchildren There are two parts to writing a letter to your grandchild. One is the actual writing. Your letters don’t need to be long, or perfectly written. You can write on scrap paper. You can write on special stationery so letter is clearly from you. You can use your vintage typewriter, or compose it on your laptop, then print and send it. In other words, you can do whatever feels easiest, most fun, or most meaningful to you. The second part is sometimes the hardest, and that’s actually doing it. The best way for many of us is to block a regular hour on our calendar dedicated to writing. If your grandchild was born on the 7th of the month, put a reminder to write on the 7th of every month. Or set aside an hour on the first Saturday morning for letter writing. Like any habit, it will take practice and reminders before it becomes part of your routine. Will writing letters to your grandchild be a part of your routine this year? Please let us know in the comments! 
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Grandparents should know baby walker pros and cons before using one.  Raise your hand if you think baby walkers are safe as long as they aren’t used around stairs. Unfortunately, stairs are not the only hazard to a child in a tray walker. Although stairs are involved in 75% of injuries involving walkers, there are other hazards as well. The second most common cause of injury is babies falling out of the walker itself. And because walkers give a baby mobility and reach they would not have otherwise, there are numerous injuries from burns and poisons. Between 1990 and 2014, over 230,000 children under the age of 15 months went to the ER for baby walker-related injuries. There is a reason that baby walkers are banned in Canada, and safety is only one issue. Another is that walkers can delay motor and mental development. From the New York Times review of a study by Dr. A. Carol Siegel: On average, infants who did not use walkers sat at 5 months, crawled at 8 months and began to walk in their 10th month, while babies who used walkers that blocked their views of their feet first sat near the end of their 6th month, crawled at 9 months and walked at almost 12 months. Babies whose walkers permitted them to see their feet sat and crawled at an age midway between the other two groups. It's important to note that this study was far from definitive, and subsequent small studies have had mixed results. But when it comes to our grandchildren, we certainly want to avoid all the risks we can! A third issue is the effect of walkers on a baby’s developing body. The seats in walkers (and jumpers and exersaucers) put the baby’s hips in a position that can lead to hip dysplasia or dislocation when they are older. If their feet don’t rest fully on the floor, they can develop tightness in their heel cords, which can lead to toe-walking. According to The Children’s Rehabilitation Institute TeletonUSA: Research shows using these kinds of toys does not help your child achieve independent skills sooner, because they are able to “walk”, “sit”, “jump” in a seated, supported, and poorly aligned position. This means they are not able to fully practice the muscle control and balance reactions necessary for moving outside of the device. CRIT goes on to point out that the ill-effects of these toys are unlikely if a child is in an exersaucer for a short period each day. It’s when a walker is used for hours to keep the baby occupied while the caregivers are busy that both safety and development become an issue. What should you, as a grandparent, do with this information? Like all information on this website, our purpose is to educate you so you can better understand the choices your adult children are making as parents. If they are using a baby walker and you are worried about it, send them this blog post and ask if they have seen studies like these. Don’t, however, try to dictate what they do with the information. On the other hand, if you are using a baby walker when your grandchild is at your house, you might want to find a new way to entertain the baby. Hopefully, now that you’ve seen the pros and cons of using a baby walker, you can make an informed decision. Meals to make for new parents—including how to send meals to new parents from a distance.  When my first child was born, my mother arrived to help out. In addition to soothing the baby and helping with laundry, she kept our new family fed. But what was even more appreciated was that when she left us a week later, she left us with a full freezer. One of the best ways grandparents can help new parents is by providing meals for those early days. If you are close enough to make and deliver meals for a new mom to freeze, it’s just a question of which meals to give new parents. But even if you live far away, you can still help new parents from a distance. Read on for ideas for grandparents near and far, including recipes. First things first Whether you are near or far, the first thing you need to do is to be clear on what would be most helpful. There may be a church or neighborhood meal train set up already to provide dinners, or there may be dietary considerations that you aren’t aware of (like the passionate dislike of reheated chicken I recently discovered in one of my sisters!). Start by saying, “I’d love to help keep you fed after the baby comes.” Then make sure to ask the following questions:
These questions should get you started on a conversation to find out what would be most helpful and when. Then you can move on to figuring out what meal to make for new parents! Meals for new parents if you live nearby
My youngest granddaughter was born just days before Covid shut down the country, so I wasn’t able to go help out after her birth as planned. Luckily, my mother and I had visited a just a couple weeks before and filled the freezer, so they had at least a few meals to help them along. In figuring out what meal to make for new parents, the key is to make things as simple as possible. Make and freeze favorite casseroles, or prep some easy to assemble meals. Cook chicken breasts and shred them before freezing in meal-sized portions, and they are easy to thaw and make tacos, add to a bagged salad, or just throw on a bun with some barbeque sauce. My go-to chicken breast recipe: Make a rub of 2 t paprika, 1 t cumin, 1/2 t thyme, 1 t salt, 1 t pepper and 2 T olive oil. Coat 4-6 chicken breasts, put them on a foil-lined, rimmed baking sheet, and bake at 325 for about 20 minutes or until done (the time varies wildly with different sized breast—check after 20 minutes, but be prepared for it to take an additional 10 minutes or more). This spice blend goes with almost any cuisine, but feel free to add cayenne, garlic, oregano, lemon zest, or any other flavors you like. Pro tip: To shred a large number of chicken breasts, toss them in the bowl of your stand mixer with the mixing blade and turn on low. You will have beautifully shredded chicken in minutes. What new grandparents need to know to be a valued member of the club!  Congratulations and Welcome to the Grandparents’ Club! You have been selected for membership by someone close to you. While this is most likely one of your adult children, there are other paths to membership. Read on to discover what new grandparents need to know about this exciting club. Eligibility
Grandparents’ Club Benefits
Grandparents’ Club Privileges
Grandparents' Club Rules Membership in the Grandparents’ Club is irrevocable; however, you may have any and all privileges stripped at any time by the Chapter Leader. It is key, therefore, to familiarize yourself with these rules and abide by them at all times.
Grandparents’ Club Structure While the Grandparents’ Club is a global group, it is made up of individual chapters comprised of:
Grandparents’ Club New Member Orientation New members will be tempted to focus on shopping and picture sharing during the first months of membership. For long-term success, it’s best to augment those activities with some education about their role in this new club. There are several helpful books, but the quickest way to learn what new grandparents need to know is by taking advantage of New Grandparent Essentials, which we developed especially for this purpose. It will ensure you have all the information, strategies, and support you need to be a valued member of your chapter of the New Grandparents’ Club. Find out more about it here. (Skipping New Member Orientation can lead to hurt feelings, unexpressed tension, misunderstandings, chapter drama, and in extreme cases, estrangement. Should you wish to avoid these outcomes, it is recommended that you take advantage of the resources offered on this website and in New Grandparent Essentials.) Welcome again to the greatest club in the world!
 8 ways to be a better listener (and better grandparent)Few of us would admit to being grandparents who don’t listen to parents, but some—perhaps many—of us are. According to one poll, when parents asked grandparents to change their behavior, fewer than half of the grandparents complied. Though not all grandparents flat out refused to change, almost a third of the grandparents agreed to change and then didn’t. Granted, no doubt some of these grandparents had their reasons for not changing. But many grandparents who don't listen to parents simply aren’t hearing what the parents are trying to say. Grandparents may be distracted, or are trying to mind read instead of listening. Good listening is a skill, and a vital one for grandparents. Why?
Luckily, it’s possible to improve your listening skills by practicing active listening. Active listening is more than just hearing words – it’s fully concentrating on what’s being said. You listen with all of your senses and give your full attention to the person speaking. Here are eight ways to do that: 1. Give nonverbal feedback to show you are listening Make eye contact with the speaker—aim for about 60% to 70% of the time while you are listening. Lean toward the other person, and nod your head occasionally. Smile, or mirror their expressions, and keep your arms uncrossed. 2. Be patient Be patient while you listen. We are capable of listening much faster than others can speak. Don’t try to fill silences: let them find the words they are searching for. 3. Be neutral and nonjudgmental Be open, neutral, and withhold judgment while listening. Don’t criticize, even in your head. 4. Don't interrupt while the other person is speaking Don’t prepare your reply while the other person speaks; the last thing that he or she says may change the meaning of what has already been said. 5. Watch nonverbal behavior to pick up on hidden meaning Facial expressions, tone of voice, and other behaviors can sometimes tell you more than words alone. 6. Ask questions Show interest by asking questions to clarify what is said. Ask open-ended questions to encourage the speaker to elaborate. Avoid closed yes-or-no questions, which tend to shorten conversations. 7. Reflect back what is said Rather than offering unsolicited advice or opinions, paraphrase what has been said. You might start this off by saying "In other words, what you are saying is...". This allows the speaker to elaborate or correct anything you’ve misunderstood. 8. Ask more questions Asking for clarification about anything that you don’t understand fully shows you are paying attention. By asking questions, you create engagement and the speaker will feel heard and feel valued. eing present and really listening to what others have to say takes patience and practice, especially if we have listening habits that keep us from hearing and connecting with others. Think about what your barriers are to good listening and be conscious of them the next time you’re in a conversation. Then work on changing that, one behavior or one person at a time. Really listening to someone creates engagement, which is vital to good relationships. Your grandchild’s parents will come away with a sense that what they have to say is important, and more than that, they understand that they are of value. They’ll know that you are a grandparent who wants to listen and learn. What’s more, you’ll avoid small misunderstandings that can become major issues. Who would have guessed that stronger bonds start with your ears? For more ways to build trust and goodwill, check out New Grandparent Essentials. It covers all the areas that matter most to new parents—helping grandparents understand their new role from the start! Being a Distance Grandparent by Helen Ellis: A look at HOW TO BE A LONG-DISTANCE GRANDPARENT12/28/2021 As an Amazon affiliate, I may receive a commission for purchases made through these links at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping to keep this site ad-free. Review of Being a Distance Grandparent: A Book for ALL Generations by Helen Ellis M.A.  Long-distance grandparents around the world rejoiced when Helen Ellis released her book in April, 2021. While living far away from grandchildren is never easy, the global pandemic made even rare visits impossible for many families. Ellis’ book, with its many stories and academic tone, gives comfort to those grandparents who are struggling with their long-distance role. Being a Distance Grandparent covers both the emotional experience and the practicalities of long-distance grandparenting: How hard it is to worry from afar. Where to stay when you visit. The uncertainties, the jealousies, and the difficulties of different time zones. Ellis started the project as her master’s thesis, and it shows in the way her information is presented. Each topic that impacts distance families is presented, discussed and illustrated with real-world stories from distance families themselves. It’s a book about being a distance grandparent, rather than a book of advice for long-distance grandparents. Ellis makes it clear that she has not set out to tell you how to be a good distance grandparent, as only you and your family can know how that looks. However, she does sprinkle advice amongst her stories and experiences, and you will find many helpful ideas throughout the book. Being a Distance Grandparent will be especially relatable for internationally separated families. Though it has plenty for all distance grandparents, many of the topics weren’t issues faced by my own family, separated only by a few US states and two time zones. For those families who are dealing with longer distances and international borders, Ellis’ book will help you realize that you aren’t alone. What’s more, you’ll see ways to overcome the struggles you are experiencing as you try to forge and maintain a relationship with your grandchildren. No matter what the distance separating your family, reading Being a Distance Grandparent will give you a deeper understanding of how to minimize its impact. Order a copy today. How too many gifts from grandparents are a problem for everyone  I was recently interviewed for an article for PureWow called “How to Tell Grandparents to (Please) Stop Buying Your Kids So Much Damn Stuff”. It’s always helpful to read articles like this aimed at parents, because it gives such insight to their perspective on hot topics. “Too much stuff from grandparents” is at the top of the list of topics that parents struggle with, especially at this time of year. Too many grandparents don’t pay attention to the boundaries parents try to set: 75% of the parents we surveyed wanted grandparents to respect their wishes about gifts. One reason for what’s been called “a crisis of overabundance” is that there is so much available for such low prices. A grandparent can spend $50 and get several toys or multiple outfits. It’s tempting to buy more when what you wanted to buy is only $12.99, because your grandchild is worth so much more! When grandparents give too many gifts, it is nearly always to show their love for their grandchildren. Gifts show how much we value our grandchildren, and how much we want to delight them. It’s hard to consider that those motivations can result in problems. However, there are real and valid reasons for parents to try to limit gifts from grandparents. These aren’t just small problems for the parents. They can be big ones, and they can also affect the children and grandparents themselves. How overindulgent grandparents cause trouble for parents So Much Damn Stuff Parents have many reasons they don’t want too many gifts from grandparents. The one most often cited, and most often waved away by grandparents, is the sheer volume of stuff. Many parents don’t have the physical space to accommodate the toys indulgent grandparents buy. Even if they do, parents are the ones responsible for storing and picking up all those toys. Yes, the kids should be putting them away—but the reality is that even if they are, the parents are responsible for getting them to do it. Another thing to consider here is that you, as a grandparent, are only one of the people giving gifts to your grandchild. Let’s do a little math here: Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for his second birthday. That’s already nine gifts. Plus something from mom and dad—we are up to ten. But if all those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him an extra little something—that’s 22 presents. For a 2-year-old, who would be just as happy with a box. Stealing the limelight While it’s natural to want to be the one to grant your granddaughter’s most heartfelt desire, consider that her parents might want to be the ones to get credit for giving her the skateboard she wants more than anything in the world. It’s only fair to give them first chance at that, which is why it’s vital to discuss your gift giving strategy ahead of holidays and birthdays. There’s another reason it’s important to check with parents before buying something. As children get older, parents can use a child’s desire for a new Lego set or the latest book by their favorite author as incentive for reaching a goal. One mother told me how hard her son was working towards making sure he remembered to turn in his homework every day. They’d agreed that if he could do it for a full month, he’d get the newest Pokemon game. But Grandma, knowing how much he has been anticipating the game release, arrived at the house with the game long before the month was up. Mom was left without the valuable incentive she’d counted on, and the homework habit slipped right back to where it had been. Undermining their values Many parents want to raise their children with values of minimalism or environmental awareness. It can be a struggle teach children to value people and experiences over belongings if they come to equate their grandparents with abundant gifts. This is especially difficult for parents who choose not to have certain types of products in their home, like battery-operated toys or clothing made in sweatshops. As grandparents, it’s important for us to respect that, and to value our adult children’s decisions as parents. How overindulgent grandparents cause trouble for grandkidsToo many toys=less imaginative play Are you buying toys because you think your grandchild will valuable playtime with them? You might want to think again: Research is pretty convincing that having fewer toys leads to better quality play. With fewer toys to choose from, children interact with the toys in more creative ways and play with them for longer. This sustained play leads to all sorts of positive outcomes, from motor skill development to better problem solving. In other words, more toys doesn’t equal better play. Do too many gifts spoil a child? There’s a scene in the first Harry Potter book where the dreadful Dudley Dursley is counting the gifts he received on his birthday. "Thirty-six. That's two less than last year!" While this is a fictional exaggeration, many grandparents are creating similar expectations in their grandchildren. If you rush to make sure they have everything they could possibly desire, they will grow up with the assumption that they deserve everything they want. Eventually, life will teach them otherwise, and it will be a hard lesson. It’s much kinder to keep them from having to learn that lesson by not over-indulging them from the start. Creating negative habits Another negative effect of too much stuff is the impact it can have on your grandchild’s consumer habits. When a child becomes accustomed to having an abundance of things, they will consider that the norm. When they are first supporting themselves, they may feel deprived if that abundance isn’t possible, or they may develop negative spending habits to fill that sense of need. Again, you can set them up for future success by limiting what you buy them now. How overindulgent grandparents cause trouble for themselves Focus on the relationship, or the gifts? When grandparents give too many gifts, it changes the dynamic in the grandparent-grandchild relationship. I only see my grandchildren 3-4 times a year, but I decided very early on that I wasn’t going bring a little something to my grandchildren with every visit. I realized that before long, I would be greeted with “What did you bring me?” instead of ”DeeDee! I missed you!” I wanted them to be happy to see me and Pops for ourselves, and I didn’t want to set up a habit that would change that. This also means that I focus on them, rather than their reaction to whatever I might have brought. Setting up conflict with your adult children Parents are asking the internet how to limit gifts from grandparents because the grandparents aren’t listening—or because they are afraid of bringing up the subject for fear grandparents will take offense. If your adult children haven’t talked to you about gift giving, don’t assume there isn’t a problem. Bring up the subject yourself! Download our free resource, “A Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays” for tips on how to have that conversation. Financial peril Suzanne was so thrilled with the birth of her first grandchild that she went overboard with gifts. When the second one was born, she did the same. By the time the fifth grandchild arrived, she had retired and had a much more limited income. But because she had set up a pattern of buying expensive gifts for her grandchildren, she continued to do so for fear that they or their parents would be upset with anything less. This sometimes meant scrimping on things she needed for herself. How much easier it would have been if she hadn’t gone overboard to begin with, or if she had felt able to have an honest conversation with her children! Help Change the Narrative “My son and his wife have told me I’m only allowed to buy one gift per child. This is so unfair! Buying things for my grandkids is one of my favorite hobbies and I don’t think they should tell me I can’t!” I cringed when I read this on a grandparenting forum, but I was even more disheartened to see so many people agreeing with the poster that she should ignore her son’s request and give the grandkids as much stuff as she wanted to buy. If buying stuff for your grandkids is one of your favorite hobbies, consider finding a new hobby—one that will create opportunities for true connection. The bonds you build by spending time together are far more lasting—and far cheaper! Has this made you reconsider your own gift-giving? Please let us know in the comments! An explanation of baby-led weaning for grandparents  As an Amazon affiliate, I may receive a commission for purchases made through links in this post at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping to keep this site ad-free. I was a little alarmed one day during our FaceTime call to see my 8-month-old granddaughter gnawing on a large piece of pear. She only had four teeth, and those weren’t even good for chewing! Why wasn’t she being fed easy-to-swallow applesauce or something like that? Knowing that my son and daughter-in-law wouldn’t purposely endanger their child, I asked them to educate me. “Have you heard of baby-led weaning?” my daughter-in-law asked. When I admitted I hadn’t, she shared a little information. After reading more about it, I realized she wasn’t the only parent faced with how to explain baby led weaning to grandparents. One of the challenges of being a grandparent is accepting that the way we did things as parents might not have been the best way possible. Such is the case with baby-led weaning vs purees. It was the accepted standard to feed our babies smoothly pureed foods, usually starting with rice cereal. Research now shows there is a better way, and baby-led weaning is gaining in popularity. Spoon-feeding purees to babies is something that became the norm in the late 1940’s, when the advice was to start solids at four months. Now we know that a baby’s digestive system isn’t ready for solid food until 6 months or later, and that earlier introduction to solid foods increases the likelihood of allergies. So, what’s baby-led weaning?First off, “Baby-led weaning” is a somewhat misleading name, because weaning is only part of the equation. Personally, I prefer the alternate term “baby-led feeding”, because that’s the main focus of the concept. The idea is that by providing a wide variety of appropriate finger foods, parents allow babies to choose what and how much to eat. This exposes them to a wide variety of tastes and textures, and allows them to form a healthy relationship to food. One study reported that “Baby-led weaning promotes healthy food preferences in early childhood, which may protect against obesity.” Where does the weaning come in?By offering solids to babies in addition to their regular intake of breast milk or formula, babies are in charge of how much of each they consume. A baby will naturally start relying more on solid foods and less on milk when they are ready, usually close to their first birthday. Can baby-led weaning cause choking?Choking can happen with any food at any age. It’s vital to understand and follow the guidance on when a baby is ready for solids and which foods to begin with. (See below for some resources on those points.) Following those guidelines will minimize the chance of choking, but will not eliminate it. Close supervision during meals is necessary, and parents and caregivers should be educated about how to help a choking child. (Start with this blog post to know why!) But it’s also important to understand the difference between choking, when food blocks the airway completely, and gagging, which is a normal reflex to prevent choking. According to experts, the gag reflex is very close to the front of the mouth in a young baby, meaning they will gag long before the food is far enough back to block their throat. As the baby gets older, the reflex moves farther back in the mouth. Baby-led weaning helps them learn to chew and swallow while the reflex is still in a place in their mouth that helps prevent choking. What if my grandchild’s parents aren’t familiar with baby-led weaning? This blog post, like all information on our website, is meant to give grandparents insight into what parents want them to know. It’s not meant to provide information that grandparents should then use to try to educate parents. If your adult children are using a different feeding method, that’s fine. There’s no need to try to convince them that baby-led weaning is better. Depending on your relationship with them, it may be fine to ask if they’ve heard of it. Only if they show curiosity should you share what you’ve learned. It may be better to just share a link to a website and let them take it from there. Are there other new trends that have left you confused? Let me know in the comments! Further reading The definitive book on baby-led weaning by Gill Rapley, Baby-Led Weaning A thorough explanation of baby-led weaning and what it entails. More on baby-led weaning from the Cleveland Clinic, in case you want a more official site. An interesting history of baby food. |
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