Postpartum Care for Moms: What Grandparents Can Do
New grandparents often focus on the baby, but the postpartum mother needs care too. Learn how your support during this vulnerable time can strengthen your entire family relationship – and discover the specific ways to help that actually make a difference.
Do you remember those choose-your-own adventure stories? Here’s one for you! This one starts here:
You’ve just come home from the hospital with your first baby. You spent 14 hours in labor, including over an hour of pushing out a nine-pound baby. Your breasts are hard as rocks, your lady parts are shredded, and you’re barely able to stand.
Would you like to:
A. Settle into your bed, which has clean sheets and the bassinet set up within reach. Your bedside table has a full water bottle and a basket full of snacks. Your bathroom is stocked with a peribottle, witch hazel pads, sitz bath soaks, and disposable undies. Over the next several days, you are brought nutritious meals and healing teas, and your bedside water bottle is never empty. Someone else sterilizes the bottles or pump parts, cleans the bathtub, empties the diaper pail and does the laundry. You are told your only responsibility is learning about your new baby and healing.
B. Settle on the couch because your bed is still damp from when your water broke 36 hours ago. Host a steady stream of visitors who want to see the baby, and try to find privacy so you can breastfeed. Eat cereal for breakfast because it’s easy and call for meal delivery every night. Skip the sitz bath because the tub is dirty. By the end of a week, you don’t have a single clean shirt because laundry is not a priority.
Scenario A sounds like a happier choice, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, most new moms experience something far more like Scenario B.
Postpartum mothers deserve better, and grandparents can be the difference.
How long is the postpartum stage?
Before we dive in to how to help, it’s important to really understand what’s happening during the postpartum period.
The postpartum period is generally recognized as six to eight weeks. However, physical challenges like incontinence and mental health struggles can last for months. This is especially true when new mothers aren’t able to focus on healing in the first 1-2 weeks after birth. Sadly, in much of the English-speaking world that healing period isn’t prioritized. Moms are expected to bounce back quickly, and feel guilty if they are “just lying around.”
Kimberly Bepler, founder of ABC Doula, sees this first hand with the new parents she assists as a postpartum doula. “I think we have lost postpartum recovery wisdom, at least in western culture. Many cultures have retained their postpartum healing traditions, but we have ignored them for generations.”
What happens to a woman postpartum?
Whether they are given the chance to rest as much as they need or not, their bodies need to recover. It’s not uncommon for every muscle to be sore from the exertions of labor and delivery. Their pelvic floor and abdominal muscles are strained, and need rest to knit back together. They are likely experiencing pain or discomfort in their perineum and in their chest as they begin producing human milk. If they’ve had a caesarian birth, they have additional limitations that make even caring for the baby a challenge. On top of that, sleep deprivation makes recovery harder.
Postpartum mom needs: Physical, emotional, and social support
In cultures around the world, new mothers experience something much closer to Scenario A. In China, the practice of "confinement" encourages new mothers to rest for 30 days while being cared for by family members. Korean culture follows "sanhujori," a 100-day recovery period where the mother focuses solely on healing and bonding with her baby. Latin American cultures practice "la cuarentena," a 40-day period of rest and special foods designed to restore the mother's strength.
These traditions recognize what modern research confirms: full postpartum recovery takes many weeks. Yet in our culture, new parents often receive more support decorating the nursery than they do during those crucial early weeks of recovery.
A postpartum woman's needs extend far beyond what many people realize. Physically, she needs time for her body to heal, adequate nutrition to fuel recovery, and rest that goes beyond stolen naps between feedings. Her emotional needs include patience as she learns to care for her baby, validation that her feelings are normal, and support that doesn't come with judgment about her choices.
Socially, each new parent will have different needs. Some may crave adult conversation and connection, while others need space to retreat and focus inward. The key is paying attention to what she's telling you, both with her words and her behavior.
Common mistakes in postpartum care for mom
Before we talk about what helps, it's worth addressing what doesn't. Kimberly Bepler sees this challenge regularly in her work with families. "I know the heart of the grandparents," she says, "but honestly I would say overbuying gifts or visiting too often without being helpful" are the most common ways good intentions go wrong.
The gift-giving habits that felt meaningful in previous generations don't translate well to today's world. When belongings weren't delivered every other day via Amazon, receiving items held different significance. Now, new parents often feel overwhelmed by the accumulation of things they didn't choose and don't have space for. The clutter can actually increase stress during a time when simplicity would be more helpful.
Frequent visits, especially in those first few weeks, can also backfire. While families naturally want to welcome the new baby, many grandparents don't fully understand the realities of hormone crashes, milk onset, sore pelvic floors, and potential birth trauma. This leaves them treating visits like celebrations when what's needed is careful, supportive care. The new mother becomes a host when she should be resting.
The key insight here is that new parents often won't ask for what they actually need. They don't want to seem ungrateful or demanding. So grandparents end up doing what they think is helpful, even when it's not what would truly make life easier.
How to provide postpartum care for mom: A grandparent's guide
The difference between helping out and truly caring for a postpartum parent comes down to focus. Instead of asking "How can I help?" try saying this: "I want to take care of you so you can take care of your baby. Here are some ways I can do that: making sure you are fed and hydrated. Taking care of the cleaning and the pets. Doing errands and laundry. What will you be comfortable with me taking on for a few days?" This simple shift moves you from assuming what's needed to actually providing what would be most supportive.
Nourishing her body starts with bringing meals that she can easily eat with one hand while feeding or holding the baby. New Mother Caregiving offers a free ebook to help: Nourishing a Postpartum Mother After Birth. Think hearty soups, protein-rich smoothies, and snacks that don't require preparation. If she's breastfeeding, foods rich in iron, calcium, and healthy fats support both her recovery and milk production. Don't forget about hydration – keeping water bottles filled and within reach is one of the most practical ways to care for a new mother.
Supporting their recovery might mean handling the dishes, throwing in a load of laundry, or simply creating a peaceful environment where rest is possible. It could involve taking over meal planning, grocery shopping, or fielding phone calls from well-meaning relatives. The goal is removing tasks from their plate so energy can go toward healing and learning about their new baby.
Being her advocate involves encouraging rest when she feels guilty about not doing more. It means helping her recognize that accepting help isn't a sign of weakness – it's smart recovery. Watch for signs that additional support might be needed, like persistent sadness, difficulty bonding with the baby, or physical symptoms that aren't improving. Bepler says, “I always encourage grandparents to trust their instincts if something is feeling off or wrong. They might not know their child as well now that they are grown, but they have years of experience with them and often have a gut feeling they can trust. I encourage them to connect with the partner/co-parent to see how they can be a part of the recovery process.”
Postpartum gifts for mom: Beyond baby items
When a new baby arrives, the focus typically shifts entirely to the little one. While baby gifts are sweet, gifts that care for the new mother can make a much bigger difference in those early weeks. Postpartum parents will remember who thought about their needs when they were struggling to take care of themselves.
For physical comfort, consider items that make her daily experience more pleasant. A soft, comfortable robe that opens easily for nursing, pajamas that make her feel put-together even when she's not leaving the house, or supportive slippers that provide comfort during those late-night feedings. Quality skincare items can help her feel human again when showers are few and far between.
Nourish them with gifts that make it easier for them to eat well and stay hydrated. A meal delivery service subscription removes the mental load of meal planning during recovery. High-quality snacks like nuts, energy balls, or lactation cookies provide convenient nutrition. Herbal teas designed for postpartum recovery can be both comforting and healing. A large, insulated water bottle with a straw makes it easier to stay hydrated while holding a baby.
For overall well-being, think about what would help her feel cared for as a person. Audiobooks or a subscription to a streaming service provide gentle entertainment during long feeding sessions. A housecleaning service gives her a clean space without any effort on her part. A gift certificate for postpartum massage addresses both physical recovery and emotional well-being.
Practical support gifts remove tasks from her to-do list. Grocery delivery gift cards mean one less errand to worry about. Laundry service pickup ensures she has clean clothes without having to think about it. These gifts send the message that you understand recovery requires more than good intentions – it requires practical support.
Why postpartum care for mom matters long-term
Supporting a postpartum mother isn't just about those first few weeks – it's about laying the foundation for your relationship with the entire family. When you show up thoughtfully during this vulnerable time, you demonstrate that you understand what it means to be truly helpful. You build trust that will serve your family relationships for years to come.
Your investment in her well-being during postpartum creates appreciation that extends far beyond the recovery period. New parents remember who made their lives easier when everything felt overwhelming. They remember who respected their choices and supported their decisions. Most importantly, they remember who saw them as more than just a vessel for their grandchild – who recognized them as a whole person deserving of care.
The way you show up during the postpartum period sets the tone for your role as a grandparent. Choose to be the person who makes life easier, not harder. Choose to be the support system that allows the new family to thrive. Your thoughtful presence during this crucial time will strengthen your family bonds and position you as a valued, trusted member of your growing family.
For more guidance on building strong relationships with your adult children and supporting your family through major transitions, check out New Grandparent Essentials. Because the best grandparents know that supporting their family starts with understanding their new role.
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