Intentional Grandparenting: What It Is and Why It Matters
If you ask grandparents what intentional grandparenting means, they will likely answer with one of two things:
“Huh?”
Or some variation of this:
“It means being present and really paying attention to your grandchildren.”
And while those who answer with a look of total confusion have the opportunity to learn a lot, the second group has much to discover, as well.
Intentional grandparenting means more than just paying attention. It means approaching your role as a grandparent in a thoughtful, purposeful way.
Think about it this way:
Let’s pretend you are going to an event that has the potential to change your life. Maybe it’s a work conference where you’ll learn new skills that will alter the course of your career. Maybe it’s a class reunion where you’ll reconnect with an old flame. Maybe it’s a yoga retreat that will give you insights that can transform your outlook.
Whatever it is, you don’t know in advance how big the impact will be. You just know you are excited to go.
So do you just show up and pay attention?
Of course not! You spend time in advance thinking about how you want to experience it. You think about what clothes to wear so you make the impression you want. You pore over the conference catalog to make sure you catch the seminars that will be most useful to you. You debate the pros and cons of paying extra for the private meditation coaching. In other words, you plan and prepare.
Intentional grandparents don’t just show up and pay attention, either. They take the time to consider what their goals as a grandparent are. They think about where to focus their efforts. They look for resources and support to get inspiration. Most important, they make plans to realize their goals.
Why Intentional Grandparenting Is Important
Grandparenting with intention will make the experience far more rewarding for you. It ensures you will pass on your legacy in a way that matters to you. It allows you to connect more deeply with your grandchildren. It creates a more supportive relationship with parents.
More important, intentional grandparenting makes a crucial difference to our grandchildren. Your consistency will help them feel more secure about their place in the world. Children need a safe and reliable adult in their lives, and it’s even better if they have one who isn’t a parent. When the world seems to be going off the rails, having a grandparent who has made a steady, thoughtful effort to be involved in their life is exactly what our grandchildren need.
The benefits of being an intentional grandparent
There’s plenty of research to back up the benefits of being an intentional grandparent, but there are also benefits that we don’t need science to prove. If you are wondering if the extra work of being intentional is worth it, here’s why it is:
You’ll have a deeper, more meaningful bond with your grandchild
You’ll have a positive impact on the emotional, social, and cognitive development of grandchildren
You’ll help parents in ways that matter to them, making you a valuable part of your grandchild’s family
You’ll be able to choose the legacy you want to leave
You’ll have more fun as you share things that really matter
So how do you grandparent intentionally?
First, you have to figure out what your intentions are! Don’t skip this step!
Taking the time to consider what is important to you in your role as a grandparent is the key to realizing your potential impact. If you haven’t yet completed the planning section of New Grandparent Essentials, don’t wait any longer. (You can purchase Your Grand Vision separately if you don’t think you need the entire new grandparent course.)
Think about how you want to be present and available for your grandchildren. What sort of activities do you want to experience with your grands? What life experiences and values do you want to share?
How do you want to show up for your grandchild’s parents, and what traits do you want to model?
What does your legacy mean to you? How do you want to be remembered?
These are just some of the things you should consider as you set out to be a more intentional grandparent. You can only plan and prepare for your role after you’ve thought about how you want to show up.
Once you’ve set your intentions and done the planning and preparation, you’ll be able to focus on the relationship with your grandchildren. This is where being present and paying attention is important.
You can build a strong relationship with your grandchildren by being a good listener and providing emotional support, even if you are at a distance. Keep up with evolving technology and communication tools, and work on your relationship with parents if it’s sometimes a barrier to connecting with your grandchildren. Trust your instincts, but go beyond what’s easiest.
Jerry Witkovsky, author of The Grandest Love, said it best:
“All along, I had been grandparenting solely by instinct and habit when what I really needed to do was to grandparent consciously, deliberately, and by design.”
Being a truly intentional grandparent is the key to creating relationships that will sustain and enrich the lives of the entire family.
Are you ready to be more intentional? Here are some great ways to start:
Check out the course catalog for Grandparents Academy to find a Masterclass to help you set or reach your grandparenting goals. (affiliate link)
Purchase Your Grand Plan for a guided exercise to envision, plan and prepare to be the grandparent you hope to be.
Read one of the many books on grandparenting that we recommend over here.
Then go and pay attention to those grandkids!