When Grandparents Give Too Many Gifts
Most grandparents give too many gifts for the best possible reason: love. But there are real consequences for parents, for grandchildren, and for grandparents themselves—and most families never have the conversation that would fix it.
Updated May, 2026
Parents have a lot to say about grandparents and gifts—and most of it isn't "thank you for everything." I know this firsthand: a PureWow article I was interviewed for, "How to Tell Grandparents to (Please) Stop Buying Your Kids So Much Damn Stuff," captured exactly how many parents feel. And our own research confirms it: 75% of parents we surveyed want grandparents to respect their wishes about gifts.
One reason for what's been called "a crisis of overabundance" is that there is so much available for such low prices. A grandparent can spend $50 and get several toys or multiple outfits. It's tempting to buy more when what you wanted to buy is only $12.99, because your grandchild is worth so much more!
When grandparents give too many gifts, it is nearly always to show their love for their grandchildren. Gifts show how much we value our grandchildren, and how much we want to delight them. It's hard to consider that those motivations can result in problems. However, there are real and valid reasons for parents to try to limit gifts from grandparents. These aren't just small problems for the parents. They can be big ones, and they can also affect the children and grandparents themselves.
How too many grandparent gifts cause problems for parents
So Much Damn Stuff Parents have many reasons they don't want too many gifts from grandparents. The one most often cited, and most often waved away by grandparents, is the sheer volume of stuff. Many parents don't have the physical space to accommodate the toys indulgent grandparents buy. Even if they do, parents are the ones responsible for storing and picking up all those toys. Yes, the kids should be putting them away—but the reality is that even if they are, the parents are responsible for getting them to do it.
Another thing to consider here is that you, as a grandparent, are only one of the people giving gifts to your grandchild. Let's do a little math here: Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for his second birthday. That's already nine gifts. Plus something from mom and dad—we are up to ten. But if all those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him an extra little something—that's 22 presents. For a 2-year-old, who would be just as happy with a box.
Stealing the limelight While it's natural to want to be the one to grant your granddaughter's most heartfelt desire, consider that her parents might want to be the ones to get credit for giving her the skateboard she wants more than anything in the world. This is especially true when trying to outdo the other grandparents becomes part of the equation. It's only fair to give parents first chance at the big gifts, which is why it's vital to discuss your gift-giving strategy ahead of holidays and birthdays.
There's another reason it's important to check with parents before buying something. As children get older, parents can use a child's desire for a new Lego set or the latest book by their favorite author as incentive for reaching a goal. One mother told me how hard her son was working towards making sure he remembered to turn in his homework every day. They'd agreed that if he could do it for a full month, he'd get the newest Pokemon game. But Grandma, knowing how much he has been anticipating the game release, arrived at the house with the game long before the month was up. Mom was left without the valuable incentive she'd counted on, and the homework habit slipped right back to where it had been.
Undermining their values Many parents want to raise their children with values of minimalism or environmental awareness. It can be a struggle to teach children to value people and experiences over belongings if they come to equate their grandparents with abundant gifts. This is especially difficult for parents who choose not to have certain types of products in their home, like battery-operated toys or clothing made in sweatshops. As grandparents, it's important for us to respect that, and to value our adult children's decisions as parents. If you're not sure how to navigate parents' preferences when it comes to gifts, our post on choosing gifts grandparents and parents can both feel good about is a good place to start.
How too many gifts affect grandchildren
Too many toys = less imaginative play Are you buying toys because you think your grandchild will have valuable playtime with them? You might want to think again: research is pretty convincing that having fewer toys leads to better quality play. With fewer toys to choose from, children interact with the toys in more creative ways and play with them for longer. This sustained play leads to all sorts of positive outcomes, from motor skill development to better problem solving. In other words, more toys doesn't equal better play.
Do too many gifts spoil a child? There's a scene in the first Harry Potter book where the dreadful Dudley Dursley is counting the gifts he received on his birthday. "Thirty-six. That's two less than last year!" While this is a fictional exaggeration, many grandparents are creating similar expectations in their grandchildren. You might be wondering whether grandparents can actually spoil grandchildren—and the answer is more nuanced than you'd think. But if you rush to make sure they have everything they could possibly desire, they will grow up with the assumption that they deserve everything they want. Eventually, life will teach them otherwise, and it will be a hard lesson. It's much kinder to keep them from having to learn that lesson by not over-indulging them from the start.
Creating negative habits Another negative effect of too much stuff is the impact it can have on your grandchild's consumer habits. When a child becomes accustomed to having an abundance of things, they will consider that the norm. When they are first supporting themselves, they may feel deprived if that abundance isn't possible, or they may develop negative spending habits to fill that sense of need. Again, you can set them up for future success by limiting what you buy them now.
How overgiving affects grandparents too
Focus on the relationship, not the gifts When grandparents give too many gifts, it changes the dynamic in the grandparent-grandchild relationship. I only see my grandchildren 3–4 times a year, but I decided very early on that I wasn't going to bring a little something to my grandchildren with every visit. I realized that before long, I would be greeted with "What did you bring me?" instead of "DeeDee! I missed you!" I wanted them to be happy to see me and Pops for ourselves, and I didn't want to set up a habit that would change that. This also means that I focus on them, rather than their reaction to whatever I might have brought.
Setting up conflict with your adult children Parents are asking the internet how to limit gifts from grandparents because the grandparents aren't listening—or because they are afraid of bringing up the subject for fear grandparents will take offense. If your adult children haven't talked to you about gift giving, don't assume there isn't a problem. Bring up the subject yourself. Try something like: "I want to make sure the gifts I give are things you're on board with. Can we talk about what works best for your family before the holidays this year?" Check out A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays for more tips on how to have that conversation.
Financial peril Suzanne was so thrilled with the birth of her first grandchild that she went overboard with gifts. When the second one was born, she did the same. By the time the fifth grandchild arrived, she had retired and had a much more limited income. But because she had set up a pattern of buying expensive gifts for her grandchildren, she continued to do so for fear that they or their parents would be upset with anything less. This sometimes meant scrimping on things she needed for herself. How much easier it would have been if she hadn't gone overboard to begin with, or if she had felt able to have an honest conversation with her children!
Help Change the Narrative"My son and his wife have told me I'm only allowed to buy one gift per child. This is so unfair! Buying things for my grandkids is one of my favorite hobbies and I don't think they should tell me I can't!"
I've heard this sentiment more times than I can count, and I understand it. Buying for grandchildren brings genuine joy. But if gift-giving has become your primary way of connecting, it's worth asking whether that's really what you want the relationship to be built on. Connection Sparks gives you over 400 alternatives—ways to bond with grandchildren that cost nothing and leave memories that outlast any toy. The bonds that come from time and attention are far more lasting—and far cheaper.
Has this made you reconsider your own gift-giving? Please let us know in the comments!
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