Can Grandparents Spoil Their Grandchildren?
Most grandparents talk about spoiling their grandchildren like it's a perk of the job. But there's a better goal—one that's more rewarding for you and far less complicated for the parents.
Updated July 2026
“I can’t wait to spoil that baby!”
How many times have you heard brand new grandparents use that phrase? There’s a good chance you’ve even said it! After all, one of the benefits of having grandchildren is that you aren’t in charge of all the hard parts of raising them. There is a gleeful freedom in knowing that you can concentrate on having fun with them without having to deal with the consequences. It’s become commonplace to talk about spoiling grandchildren as a key part of the grandparenting experience.
But are we really saying what we mean when we say we want to spoil them? Other than grandchildren, can you think of anything else we would declare we want to spoil?
No one wants to be around someone who spoils the ending, the mood, or the surprise. We don’t set out to spoil our children, or our vacation, or our new carpet. We don’t like it when someone spoils a joke, or our view, or an important occasion. Spoiling something is not an admirable goal!
The dictionary definition of the word is very clearly negative. It can mean either 1) “to damage seriously” or 2) “to impair the disposition or character of by overindulgence or excessive praise”.
Obviously, we don’t really mean we want to damage our grandchildren or impair their character. When grandparents say they want to spoil their grandkids, we mean we want treat them like the special little people they are. We indulge them as a way of showing them how much we love them. What could possibly be wrong with that? Unfortunately, several things.
How does spoiling grandchildren affect your relationship with them?
First, there is a fine line between a little extra indulgence and making overindulgence a cornerstone of your relationship. Say you bring a little something with every visit. Not a big gift, just some cookies, or a new book, or maybe something you picked up at the Dollar Store. It won’t be long before they are eager to see what you’ve brought when you arrive, instead of eager to see you.
Or maybe you skip the little things in favor of lavish birthday gifts. When your gifts are always the biggest and the best, your grandchildren may begin to see that as your defining characteristic. Wouldn’t you rather they think of you as the one who tells the best stories or can always cheer them up when they are feeling sad?
Spoiling our grandchildren also makes parents’ job harder. All those little gifts pile up. Ignoring parents’ rules means parents have to work twice as hard to enforce them. While we all want our grandkids to know how much we love them, there are ways to show them that without overindulging them or being more lenient than their parents.
How does spoiling grandchildren affect parents?
Grandparents who spoil their grandchildren also put stress on the relationship with parents. Instead of working to support parents, overindulgent grandparents are unwittingly working against parents.
What do grandchildren really want from grandparents?
What your grandchildren want most from you is your time and attention, and you can make them feel cherished without spoiling them at all. Instead of sneaking them extra cookies, let them help you make dinner. Instead of buying them more toys, play with them. Talk to them, send them mail, ask them about their likes and dislikes, give them your undivided attention, be there for them. If you need inspiration, Connection Sparks offers over 400 ways to bond with your grandchildren—no toy budget required. You’ll find it far more rewarding than spoiling them.
Will you help us change the script and start talking about cherishing your grandchildren?
Common Questions About Spoiling Grandchildren
Is it really spoiling if I only see my grandchildren occasionally?
This is the most common justification, and it's worth examining honestly. If every visit includes gifts or rule-bending, grandchildren learn to expect it regardless of how often it happens. Occasional visitors can actually fall into this trap more easily — the desire to make every visit feel special tips quickly into overindulgence. Your grandchild doesn't need each visit to be an event. They need each visit to be with you.
How do grandparents show love without spoiling?
Time and attention are the most direct answer — and the most underrated. Play with them, teach them something, let them help you cook. Send them mail, not packages. Learn what they're interested in and ask about it next time you talk. These things cost little and leave an impression that most toys don't.
What should grandparents do when they disagree with parents about gifts?
Have the conversation before the occasion, not after. Ask parents what their child needs or what they're saving up for, and work with that rather than around it. The goal is to be the grandparent parents are glad to have around — and a little coordination goes a long way toward that.
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