How Grandparents Can Help New Parents During the Holidays
The holiday season can be overwhelming for new parents. As a grandparent, your support can make all the difference. Learn how to offer meaningful help that truly eases their burden, whether you're living nearby or across the country.
Do you remember those early holidays as a new family?
I clearly remember the coordination it took to get our family across the country (or the world!) so that we could be with the grandparents for Christmas. Shipping gifts, dealing with time zone changes with a baby, trying to fit in everyone’s requests for time with the baby—I was perpetually exhausted. But it was still worth it.
Even if there is no travel involved, there is so much to do! Decorating the house, buying and wrapping gifts, prepping for guests, planning meals and baking cookies and making memories. All on top of the day-to-day chaos of the baby and toddler years. For some reason, the elves never show up to help with the dishes, or the gift wrapping, or anything at all!
Luckily, grandparents can help new parents in a variety of ways during the holidays, whether they live close by or far away. But be warned, grandparents can also make life harder for new parents. Read on to find out how to be helpful without adding to the stress of being a new parent.
How should grandparents offer help without adding pressure?
Before we dive into specific ways to help, let's talk about how to offer support without creating more stress. The key is asking open-ended questions and truly listening to the answers.
What TO say:
"I'd love to help make your holidays easier. What's the hardest part of your day right now?"
"I'm headed to the store this week. Can I pick anything up for you?"
"Would it be helpful if I [specific task], or would you prefer I stay out of the way?"
What NOT to say:
"You look exhausted. Just let me take the baby." (This feels like criticism, not help)
"I'll come over Tuesday to help organize your house." (This assumes what they need)
"Don't worry, I'll handle Christmas dinner!" (This takes away their control)
The difference? The first set asks what parents need. The second set tells them what you think they need. That distinction makes all the difference during an already overwhelming season.
What can nearby grandparents do to help during the holidays?
“The secret isn’t just WHAT you offer to do. It’s HOW you offer: with genuine questions, careful listening, and graceful acceptance of whatever answer you receive.”
If you live close by, there are lots of things you can do to help new parents. Here are some things you might offer to do:
Drop off meals. Having a stocked freezer or a night off from cooking can be a big relief.
Let them know when you are on the way to the store and ask if they need anything.
Offer to watch kids for a shopping night or holiday parties (but don’t be insulted if they say no).
Ask what they are having trouble crossing off their to-do list, and offer to help with it.
The key is to help out without making things harder for them. Having them over for dinner gives them a break from cooking, but it also creates another obligation on their time and energy. They might like having someone else do the grocery shopping, or they might like having someone watch the baby while they go to the store all by themselves. It’s easy to figure out what to do: just ask, listen, and then respect their answer.
How can grandparents help when new parents visit for the holidays?
Make travel easier. The less parents need to bring with them, the more likely they are to repeat the journey next year. Having basic equipment at your house can make their life easier, so find out what they’ll need. Things like
Big items like a crib, highchair, or stroller. These can be rented!
What about meal time? Toddler sized utensils, easy to clean bibs, or sippy cups or bottles?
Toys and books—check your local library and baby resale shops. Be wary of older toys, which may not be up to current safety standards.
Having car seats properly installed for airport pickup will earn you major bonus points! Just make sure you’ve got the right size seat, and that it’s installed in compliance with both the seat manufacturer and your car’s owner manual.
Keep things simple. This is not the time to attempt lots of outings or make promises to visit friends and neighbors. While you are welcome to schedule your own activities, check with parents before making plans on their behalf. Keep the focus on spending time together.
Lighten their load. New parents should get a pass on doing a fair share of the holiday work. Offering to watch the baby while they do the dishes is not a fair trade. They will have plenty of years to balance the scales, so try not to make too many demands on their time this year.
Keep your gift giving in check. Parents’ number one complaint about grandparents at the holidays is to stop buying so many gifts. Before you fill your cart, ask yourself: "Am I buying this because my grandchild needs it, or because I like giving gifts?" Read this post about gift giving boundaries before buying anything, and then have an honest conversation with the parents about their preferences. If they are visiting you, offer to ship gifts home to them so they don’t have to try to pack them all in their luggage.
What should visiting grandparents do to make holidays easier?
If you live at a distance and will be visiting for the holidays, your ability to help will be more limited, especially if your visit is short. Your focus should be on making your visit as easy as possible for them. Here are some tips:
Come without demands. The shorter the visit, the more important this is. A holiday visit isn’t the time to insist you take the baby for photos with Santa, or that Christmas brunch won’t be complete without your mother’s traditional cranberry crêpes.
Be willing helpers. Let them know ahead of time you hope to be useful while you are there. Ask them to think of a list of things they could delegate, and write them down in advance.
Offer to stay at a hotel. House guests, no matter how helpful, are draining. Time alone can be a blessing for all of you. We have often found an AirBnB in the same neighborhood as our grandchildren, which is an economical and convenient solution.
Offer to cook a meal or pay for takeout, and then clean up afterwards.
See the rest of our suggestions for holiday visits in our post, Holiday Planning: Tips for Successful Family Holiday Celebrations
How can long-distance grandparents help new parents during holidays?
If you live at a distance and won’t be visiting, there are still ways to help new parents. Here are a few ideas:
Give an edible gift. Consider giving them a gift that will help with holiday meals. Send a fully baked-ham, an Edible Arrangement, or a local restaurant gift card.
Offer to pay for help. Meal delivery, laundry services, housekeeping—it can all be arranged from a distance. See our suggestions for household help that can lighten the load for new parents here.
Gift the gift of a gofer. Ask if they’d like you to pay for someone to help with holiday errands like standing in line at the post office. You can even hire out gift wrapping!
Be flexible about virtual time together. Share your hopes for video chats, but let them know you are flexible and will take whatever you can get. Often, it's nearly impossible to carve out time for a phone call on the holiday itself.
You can see more ideas on how to help new parents from a distance in our discussion of creative ways to help new parents when grandparents can’t be there.
What if new parents decline your help?
Here's a hard truth: sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is accept "no thank you" gracefully.
If parents decline your offer to help, it doesn't mean they don't appreciate you. It might mean:
They're trying to establish their own holiday traditions
They're overwhelmed and can't manage coordinating help right now
They need quiet time more than active help
They're not ready to share certain tasks yet
How to respond when they say no:
"I understand. The offer stands if you change your mind." Then drop it. Don't explain why your help would actually be useful, don't look hurt, and don't bring it up again unless they do.
Remember: respecting their "no" is itself a form of support. It shows you trust their judgment about what their family needs, even during the busy holiday season.
Whether you are near or far, new parents will appreciate your help at the holidays, as long as it is help they really need. The secret isn't just what you offer to do. It's how you offer: with genuine questions, careful listening, and graceful acceptance of whatever answer you receive.
When you master this balance between offering support and respecting boundaries, you're not just helping with the holidays. You're building trust that will strengthen your family relationships for years to come.
Ready to make this your best holiday season yet? Get A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays, for detailed strategies on navigating everything from gift-giving expectations to managing multiple family celebrations—all while keeping the peace and building connection with the people you love.