​How grandparents can help new parents (even from a distance)

Do you remember those early holidays as a new family? There was so much to do! Decorating the house, buying and wrapping gifts, traveling or prepping for guests, planning meals and baking cookies and making memories! All on top of the day-to-day chaos of the baby and toddler years. For some reason, the elves never showed up to help with the dishes, or the gift wrapping, or anything at all! Luckily, grandparents can help new parents in a variety of ways during the holidays, whether they live close by or far away.
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If you live close by, there are lots of things you can do to help new parents. Here are some things you might offer to do:

• Drop off meals. Having a stocked freezer or a night off from cooking can be a big relief.
• Let them know when you are on the way to the store and ask if they need anything.
• Offer to watch kids for a shopping night or holiday parties (but don’t be insulted if they say no).
• Ask what they are having trouble crossing off their to-do list, and offer to help with it.

The key is to help out without making things harder for them. Having them over for dinner gives them a break from cooking, but it also creates another obligation on their time and energy. They might like having someone else do the grocery shopping, or they might like having someone watch the baby while they go to the store all by themselves. It’s easy to figure out what to do: just ask, listen, and then respect their answer. 
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If you live at a distance and will be visiting for the holidays, your ability to help will be more limited, especially if your visit is short. Your focus should be on making your visit as easy as possible for them. Here are some tips:

• Come without demands. The shorter the visit, the more important this is. A holiday visit isn’t the time to insist you take the baby for photos with Santa, or that Christmas brunch won’t be complete without your mother’s traditional cranberry crêpes.
• Be willing helpers. Let them know ahead of time you hope to be useful while you are there.
• Offer to stay at a hotel. House guests, no matter how helpful, are draining. Time alone can be a blessing for all of you.
• Offer to cook a meal or pay for takeout, and then clean up afterwards.

See the rest of our suggestions for holiday visits in our post, What Parents Want Grandparents to Know About Celebrating Holidays in 2021.
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If you live at a distance and won’t be visiting, there are still ways to help new parents. Here are a few ideas:

• Consider giving them a gift that will help with holiday meals. Send a fully baked-ham, an Edible Arrangement, or a local restaurant gift card.
• Offer to pay for help. Meal delivery, laundry services, housekeeping—it can all be arranged from a distance. See our suggestions for household help that can lighten the load for new parents here.
• Ask if they’d like you to pay for someone to help with holiday errands like standing in line at the post office. You can even hire out gift wrapping!
• Share your hopes for virtual time together, but let them know you are flexible and will take whatever you can get. 

​You can see more ideas on how to help new parents from a distance in our discussion of creative ways to help new parents when grandparents can’t be there.
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Whether you are near or far, new parents will appreciate your help at the holidays, as long as it is help they really need. If you’ve set up good communication habits, you won’t have any trouble finding out what you can do to make their holiday brighter.

(If you have trouble communicating openly, check out New Grandparent Essentials!)
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