When “The Other Grandparent” Lives with You
Quick: who are the “other grandparents” in your grandchild’s life? I’m willing to bet that you immediately thought of one or more of these people:
Your son or daughter’s in-laws
An ex-spouse
A step-grandparent
Who thought of your own partner first? Gold star if you did! Only 6% of our Instagram followers chose their own partner when we polled them. Star student that you are, you’ll still want to keep reading to make sure you aren’t missing a chance to level up your grandparenting game.
I’ve written before about “the other grandparents” and the benefits of working with them instead of competing with them. Yet we sometimes forget about the other grandparent in our own home. It’s likely because we don’t think of our own spouse or partner as an “other” anything. But taking time to talk to the grandparent we are partnered with can make a huge difference in both our experience as a grandparent and as a partner.
Despite all the time I spend sharing grandparenting resources and inspiration with all of you, I rarely share anything with Pops. It only occurred to me last week, as I was planning this post, that he might like to get our weekly emails. I often find myself assuming he knows the same things I do, and then realize that simply sharing a house with someone doesn’t transfer knowledge. Just last weekend, I found myself explaining that trying to convince our grandson to take one more bite before he played video games was frowned upon. While it can be rewarding to be considered the authority on a subject, I don’t want to find myself correcting his approach to grandparenting.
That’s another reason New Grandparent Essentials can be such a powerful tool for grandparents. Your Grand Vision allows you to consider your goals as a grandparent and share them. It’s a great exercise to do with your partner, so that you can see where your goals might rub against one another’s.
After completing Your Grand Vision, one veteran grandparent reported back to me that she and her husband discovered they had a major disconnect that needed to be resolved. One of her goals was to spend time with the grandkids and give parents a break. She envisioned taking care of the grandkids for a week while their parents got to go on a vacation. Her husband, on the other hand, wanted more time with their adult children in addition to the grandkids. They came up with a great compromise: they’d take the whole family for a vacation, and enjoy everyone’s company while giving the parents a break.
If you currently live with a co-grandparent, how much have you talked together about your roles as grandparents? Have you discussed your ideal life as grandparents? Have you shared what you know about navigating boundaries and keeping grandchildren safe? Have you encouraged them to take our grandparent superpower quiz?
Grandparenting with a teammate is far more rewarding, and can deepen your partnership, as well. Exploring this new phase of life as a couple will make the experience richer. Like any new shared interest, you’ll have new things to talk about and new things to learn about. The key is to take time to talk about the big things.
What are the big things? Discipline, parent boundaries, gifts and financial support, and time. You may want to have the grandkids come stay every weekend, but your partner may not enjoy two straight days of noise and chaos. Or you may plan to start a college fund, but your spouse may be worried about how that will affect your retirement savings.
The goal is not to always be on the same page about everything. The goal is to make sure you know what page your partner is on and establish a foundation of mutual support. Both of you play vital roles in your grandchild's life. When you acknowledge and value each other's perspectives, your grandparenting team can have a much greater influence on your grandchild’s life.
New Grandparent Essentials is the quickest, most comprehensive way to make sure your #teamgrand is fully prepared to support parents and enjoy your role as a grandparents. Get it today!