Why Grandparents Matter to Children's Development
The relationship you're building with your grandchild now will protect their emotional health for decades. Research shows the secret of why grandparents matter isn't gifts or money—it's something simpler.
When Leo was three, his Grandma Maggie started a Saturday morning tradition. Every other week, they'd make pancakes together. Leo would crack eggs (getting shell everywhere), pour in too much vanilla, and stand on a stool to flip pancakes while Maggie supervised. Last week, his mom asked what he wanted for his fifth birthday. "Pancake Saturdays with Grandma," he said. Not the toy he'd been eyeing. Not a trip somewhere special. Time with someone who shows up and pays attention. That's why grandparents matter—and research proves what Leo already knows.
Why grandparents matter to children's wellbeing
The impact grandparents have on their grandchildren goes far beyond occasional visits and birthday cards. A 2025 National Institute of Health study found that young adults who received support from grandparents during childhood reported significantly better emotional wellbeing than those who didn't. This held true even when their grandparents had passed away before they reached adulthood.
The study, which surveyed 514 young adults ages 18-29, found that childhood support from grandparents was associated with greater life satisfaction, positive emotions, and resilience during the challenging emerging adult years. The most meaningful finding: those benefits remained even after grandparents passed away, no matter when that happened.
But the benefits extend both ways. Research tracking grandparents over time has found those with close grandchild relationships experience better cognitive function, reduced depression, and even increased longevity compared to those without these connections.
The relationship you're building now, when your grandchild is young, creates protective benefits that can last well into their adulthood.
What makes a valuable grandparent?
Here's what might surprise you: it's not about the money you spend or the places you take them.
Research from the University of Oxford found that children with involved grandparents showed fewer emotional and behavioral problems and better problem-solving skills. When asked directly, children described what mattered most: time with an adult who genuinely listened, activities they enjoyed doing together, and someone who made them feel valued just for being themselves.
Children talked about:
Cooking together in the kitchen
Hearing stories about when their parents were little
Playing simple games like cards or board games
Going for walks and looking at bugs or birds together
Having someone who really listened when they talked
Strikingly, children rarely mentioned toys their grandparents bought them or expensive outings. What mattered was time with an adult who was genuinely interested in them as individuals.
The children described grandparents as "uncritical advocates"—adults who listened without judgment and made them feel valued just for being themselves.
How grandparents influence grandchildren's values
Your impact reaches further than you might realize. Adults consistently say that a grandparent influenced their beliefs and values. When you model kindness, teach patience, or demonstrate how to handle disappointment, you're shaping who your grandchild becomes.
This happens in small moments:
How you treat a server at a restaurant
The way you talk about people who are different from you
How you handle frustration when a recipe doesn't work out
Your reaction when your grandchild makes a mistake
The questions you ask that show you're really listening
These everyday interactions teach more than any formal lesson ever could.
What grandchildren need from you
Based on child development research and direct interviews with children, here's what matters most:
Consistent presence. This doesn't mean daily visits. It means being reliably present in whatever form works for your family—weekly video calls, monthly visits, daily texts as they get older. The pattern matters more than the frequency.
Genuine interest. Know the names of their friends. Ask about the book they're reading or the game they're playing. Remember what they told you last time and follow up. "How did your soccer game go Saturday?" shows you were actually listening.
Unconditional acceptance. Parents have to guide and discipline. You get to be the safe adult who thinks they're wonderful exactly as they are. This doesn't mean ignoring parents' rules—it means providing emotional safety.
Your time. Children value just being together. Making pancakes. Playing cards. Going to the park. Walking the dog. Simple, repeated activities build stronger bonds than occasional big events.
How to become a more involved grandparent
The foundation for being there for your grandchildren is supporting their parents. When you have a good relationship with your adult children (or children-in-law), you'll naturally have more opportunities to be involved with your grandchildren.
This means learning about current parenting approaches, respecting boundaries even when you disagree, and communicating clearly about expectations. It's not always easy to navigate these relationships, especially when parenting practices have changed significantly since you raised your own children.
New Grandparent Essentials walks you through everything you need to know about partnering with parents, understanding modern parenting methods, and becoming the kind of grandparent that research shows matters to your grandchild. It gives you the foundation to become a truly valuable member of your grandchild's life.
Once you have that foundation, showing up looks different for every family. You can’t compare your involvement with your grandchildren to your friends’ (or worse, strangers in Facebook Groups). The important thing is that you show up in the way your grandchildren really need: Regular, simple activities are what build security.
This is possible even if you live far away. Our website has ideas for staying close from a distance, from video call games for little ones to meaningful ways to stay connected by mail.
The lasting impact of grandparents who matter
The verdict is clear: the relationship between grandparent and grandchild benefits everyone involved. Children gain emotional security from the unconditional love from an adult who thinks they're wonderful. Grandparents experience better mental health, cognitive function, and even physical health.
But the most important thing is that those moments you are enjoying now are building something that matters. Twenty years from now, your grandchild might not remember specific toys you bought or places you visited. But they'll remember that you knew their friends' names. That you asked about their day and really listened to the answer. That pancake Saturdays meant time with someone who loved them completely.
That's what makes a grandparent valuable. That's why grandparents matter.
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