4 Ways Parenting is Harder Today
Being a parent has never been easy. Raising a child is a labor of love, with an emphasis on labor more often than one would like. One of the hard things is that every generation thinks they are reinventing the wheel when they compare their parenting to the way they were raised. And the elder generation usually looks at what they are doing with a sly smile, knowing things haven’t changed that much.
The truth is, while much is the same, much has changed. Today’s parents are raising children in a very different world than we did. Here are four things that have changed since grandparents were the ones raising kids.
1. The cost of child care keeps rising.
Child care costs rose 28% from 2010 to 2020. In a 2022 survey by Care.com, the average family reported that they spent 27% of their household income on child care. The US Department of Health and Human Services considers affordable child care costs to be 7% of income. In other words, the cost of child care today is a burden.
Add to the equation that it is nearly impossible to maintain a household on one income today. While there are still pockets of the world where the cost of living makes it possible for one parent to stay home, this is increasingly difficult. More than three quarters of young families have two working parents, making child care a large part of the budget for the majority of parents of children under five.
2. Technology is ever-present
We had our children before the smart phone was invented. Now there is an app for every phase of parenting, from tracking ovulation for couples trying to conceive to tracking whether your teenager is speeding when they are driving. Baby monitors, which weren’t universal when we were parents, now allow you to watch and record every movement your baby makes.
The ability to keep close tabs on your children is a double-edged sword. Yes, it’s comforting to be able to check in on them 24/7. At the same time, that constant vigilance is mentally and emotionally taxing. Parent anxiety is at much higher levels than it was 30 years ago.
What’s more, social media and the internet provide instant answers, constant advice, and pressure to be perfect parents. With advice coming at them from so many sources, it’s harder than ever for parents to trust their instincts.
3. Worries about safety are higher than ever
The internet also tops the list of today’s parents worries about their children, with the fear of cyberbullying frequently cited. Bullying at school is also a concern, but it’s not the only reason parents are worried about their children while they are at school. Tragic school shootings have left parents feeling that schools are no longer safe spaces.
The increased access to information and amplification of news stories makes the world seem like a more dangerous place, even if statistics don’t always support parents’ fears. Whether they are justified or not, worries about their children’s safety are real and add to the stress and anxiety that today’s parents experience.
4. Diagnoses are on the rise.
1 in 6 US children ages 2-8 had a diagnosed mental, behavioral, or developmental disorder. 1 in 36 children were diagnosed with autism in 2020, up from 1 in 68 in 2010. Part of this is increased screening, but the reason for the increase in diagnoses doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that there is a high chance that your grandchild will receive a diagnosis that will require special services or therapy. This is an additional strain on parents’ time, budget, and emotional capital.
How grandparents respond to a diagnosis is crucial. When parents are facing the unknown, they need to know you are on their team. Make sure to read Navigating the Minefield of a Grandchild’s Diagnosis: Some Help for Grandparents for the wisdom of one grandmother.
What grandparents can do to help
Grandparents can be the support their adult children desperately need as they grapple with the demands of parenting today. What that will look like will be different for every family, but the first step is acknowledging that things have changed.
Next, talk to parents. Listen to them as they share their struggles, and let them know you’d like to help. Perhaps you can provide or help pay for child care. Encourage them to turn off the baby monitor once the danger of SIDS has passed. Take an infant-child CPR class, and make sure you are up to date on current recommendations around car seats, feeding, and other areas of child care and safety.
Grandparents can’t change the demands on today’s parents. They can, however, make sure parents aren’t shouldering those demands alone. From the time parents share the news they are expecting, grandparents can become reliable, trusted members of the support team.
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