4 Ways Parenting is Harder Today
Your daughter snaps when you suggest she's overreacting about screen time. Your son can’t stop complaining about finding affordable child care. Four major shifts in parenting explain why they're struggling—and why your support matters more than your advice.
When Maria offered to watch her grandson two days a week, her daughter started crying. Not tears of gratitude—tears of relief. Maria had no idea how desperately her daughter needed help, or how different parenting had become since Maria raised her own children. The struggles looked the same on the surface, but everything underneath had changed.
Being a parent has never been easy.
Raising a child is a labor of love, with an emphasis on labor more often than one would like. One of the hard things is that every generation thinks they are reinventing the wheel when they compare their parenting to the way they were raised. And the elder generation usually looks at what they are doing with a sly smile, knowing things haven’t changed that much.
The truth is, while much is the same, much has changed. Today’s parents are raising children in a very different world than we did. Here are four things that have changed since grandparents were the ones raising kids.
1. Child care costs are crushing family budgets
Child care costs rose 28% from 2010 to 2020. In a 2022 survey by Care.com, the average family reported that they spent 27% of their household income on child care. The US Department of Health and Human Services considers affordable child care costs to be 7% of income. In other words, the cost of child care today is a burden.
Add to the equation that it is nearly impossible to maintain a household on one income today. While there are still pockets of the world where the cost of living makes it possible for one parent to stay home, this is increasingly difficult. More than three quarters of young families have two working parents, making child care a large part of the budget for the majority of parents of children under five.
When grandparents offer to help with babysitting or contribute to child care costs, they're not just being generous—they're providing financial relief that genuinely changes parents' quality of life.
2. Technology creates constant pressure and anxiety
We had our children before the smart phone was invented. Now there is an app for every phase of parenting, from tracking ovulation for couples trying to conceive to tracking whether your teenager is speeding when they are driving. Baby monitors, which weren’t universal when we were parents, now allow you to watch and record every movement your baby makes.
Parents check nursery cameras dozens of times during naptime. They receive alerts when the baby rolls over, when room temperature changes, when sound levels rise. Apps track feeding schedules, diaper changes, sleep patterns. Other parents share their Pinterest-perfect playrooms and homemade organic baby food on Instagram. Parenting message boards offer conflicting advice on everything from sleep training to starting solids.
The ability to keep close tabs on your children is a double-edged sword. Yes, it's comforting to be able to check in on them 24/7. At the same time, that constant vigilance is mentally and emotionally taxing. Parent anxiety is at much higher levels than it was 30 years ago.
What's more, social media and the internet provide instant answers, constant advice, and pressure to be perfect parents. With advice coming at them from so many sources, it's harder than ever for parents to trust their instincts.
3. Parents' fears about safety have intensified
The internet also tops the list of today’s parents worries about their children, with the fear of cyberbullying frequently cited. Bullying at school is also a concern, but it’s not the only reason parents are worried about their children while they are at school. Tragic school shootings have left parents feeling that schools are no longer safe spaces.
The increased access to information and amplification of news stories makes the world seem like a more dangerous place, even if statistics don’t always support parents’ fears. Whether they are justified or not, worries about their children’s safety are real and add to the stress and anxiety that today’s parents experience.
Understanding why parents set certain boundaries—from posting online to supervision rules—becomes easier when you recognize the safety pressures they're navigating.
4. More children are receiving diagnoses
1 in 6 US children ages 2-8 had a diagnosed mental, behavioral, or developmental disorder. 1 in 36 children were diagnosed with autism in 2020, up from 1 in 68 in 2010. Part of this is increased screening, but the reason for the increase in diagnoses doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that there is a high chance that your grandchild will receive a diagnosis that will require special services or therapy. This is an additional strain on parents’ time, budget, and emotional capital.
How grandparents respond to a diagnosis is crucial. When parents are facing the unknown, they need to know you are on their team. Make sure to read Navigating the Minefield of a Grandchild’s Diagnosis: Some Help for Grandparents for the wisdom of one grandmother.
What grandparents can do to help
Grandparents can be the support their adult children desperately need as they grapple with the demands of parenting today. What that will look like will be different for every family, but the first step is acknowledging that things have changed.
This isn't about whether you struggled when you were raising your children. It's about recognizing that the world your grandchildren are growing up in comes with different pressures, different information, and different challenges. When you understand these shifts, you can respond with empathy instead of dismissiveness.
Next, talk to parents. Listen to them as they share their struggles, and let them know you’d like to help. Here's what that might sound like in real conversations:
When they mention child care costs:
Instead of: "We managed fine on one income. You just need to budget better."
Try: "Child care is so expensive now. Would it help if I watched the baby one day a week, or would contributing to your child care fund be more useful?"
When they seem anxious about technology or safety:
Instead of: "You're being overprotective. We didn't worry about all this stuff."
Try: "I know you're dealing with a lot of information I never had to think about. What safety rules are most important to you when I'm with the kids?"
When they're exhausted from juggling work and parenting:
Instead of: "Well, parenting is hard. That's just how it is."
Try: "You're handling so much right now. Can I pick up groceries for you this week? Or come over Saturday morning so you can sleep in?"
Perhaps you can provide or help pay for child care. Encourage them to turn off the baby monitor once the danger of SIDS has passed. Take an infant-child CPR class, and make sure you are up to date on current recommendations around car seats, feeding, and other areas of child care and safety.
Understanding how parenting has changed—and why certain choices matter to today's parents—is exactly what New Grandparent Essentials covers. The course walks you through current safety guidelines, explains modern parenting approaches, and gives you the communication tools to partner with parents rather than question their choices. It's the difference between saying "We didn't do it that way" and asking "How can I support what you're trying to do?"
Grandparents can’t change the demands on today’s parents. They can, however, make sure parents aren’t shouldering those demands alone. From the time parents share the news they are expecting, grandparents can become reliable, trusted members of the support team.
FAQ: Common Questions About Parenting Today
Why is child care so expensive now?
Child care costs have skyrocketed because demand far exceeds supply, and operational costs have increased. Most states require specific staff-to-child ratios, background checks, facility standards, and ongoing training—all of which drive up costs. Additionally, child care workers deserve fair wages, and those costs get passed to families. Unlike when many grandparents were raising children, affordable informal care options (neighborhood teens, trusted neighbors) are less common, and families have fewer relatives nearby who can help.
How has parenting advice changed since we raised our children?
Today's parenting advice is based on decades of new research in child development, neuroscience, and safety. For example, we now know that rear-facing car seats protect developing spines better, that back sleeping dramatically reduces SIDS, and that early food introduction may prevent some allergies. The advice changed because the science improved—not because earlier generations did anything wrong. Parents today also have access to conflicting advice from countless sources (pediatricians, websites, social media, parenting books), making it harder to know what's right.
Why do parents seem more anxious than we were?
Several factors contribute to increased parental anxiety. Technology enables constant monitoring but also constant worry. Social media creates pressure to meet unrealistic parenting standards while simultaneously exposing parents to more information about potential dangers. The 24-hour news cycle amplifies stories about child safety threats, making the world feel more dangerous than statistics support. Additionally, parents today receive less community support—they're more likely to live far from extended family and to know fewer neighbors, creating isolation that amplifies anxiety.
Are there really more children with autism and developmental disorders now?
Yes and no. The increase in diagnoses is real, but it's largely due to better screening, broader diagnostic criteria, and increased awareness rather than an actual increase in cases. For example, autism was once diagnosed only in children with severe symptoms, but we now recognize it as a spectrum. Many adults alive today would have been diagnosed with autism if born in this generation but went undiagnosed in their childhood. Earlier identification is actually beneficial—it means children get support services sooner, leading to better outcomes.
What should I say when parents make choices I don't understand?
Start with curiosity instead of criticism. Try: "I'd love to understand more about why this is important to you" or "This is different from what I did—can you help me understand the thinking behind it?" Acknowledge that they're working with different information: "I know you're seeing research I never had access to." And remember that even when you disagree, parents have the final say. Your role is to support their parenting, not to parent your grandchild.
How can I help without overstepping?
Ask directly: "What would be most helpful to you right now?" Be specific in your offers rather than vague: "Can I take the dog to the vet for you?" works better than "Let me know if you need anything." Respect their decisions even when offering help—if they say no to babysitting but yes to groceries, don't push back. Follow their rules when caring for grandchildren, even if you think they're unnecessary. And accept that sometimes the best help is simply listening without offering solutions.
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