3 Ways to Build Trust with New Parents
Grandparents who get to babysit aren't just lucky—they built that trust in three specific areas that you might have overlooked.
Editor’s note: Update January 2026 with expanded advice and safety resources
Cindy waited for years to become a grandmother, and it finally happened last May. She finally understood what her friends had been talking about when they said being a grandparent was the best thing ever: Her grandson was the light and love of her life.
But unlike many of her friends, Cindy didn’t get the one-on-one time with her grandson that she’d hoped for. Her offers to babysit were ignored or politely declined. She’d never had a close relationship with the baby’s mother, and the arrival of the baby didn’t magically change that. She could tell her daughter-in-law didn’t trust her with the baby.
It was doubly hard when she found out that the other grandmother, her daughter-in-law’s mother, was babysitting every week. Cindy was worried she’d never have the special relationship with her grandson that she dreamed of.
While we may never know why Cindy wasn’t trusted by her daughter-in-law, we have seen some issues that are cited over and over on parenting forums. If you are wondering why parents won’t trust you with their baby, read on and make sure you haven’t ignored these foundations for being a trusted grandparent.
Building trust with new parents as a grandparent
Trust isn't automatic, even between parents and grandparents who have strong relationships. For new parents, leaving their baby with anyone—including loving grandparents—requires confidence that their child will be safe and their parenting choices will be respected.
Parents today face different pressures than we did. They're constantly exposed to information about child safety, current research, and evolving best practices. What feels like overthinking to us often reflects their genuine concern about making the right choices for their baby. When we understand this perspective, we can better position ourselves as the supportive partners they need.
Here are three essential foundations that help build that trust.
Baby safety guidelines for grandparents
For some parents, leaving their baby with anyone else is frightening. They need extra assurance that you will keep their baby safe in their absence. This isn't about doubting your love or care—it's about ensuring everyone is on the same page with current safety guidelines.
Let parents know you've read up on current baby care and safety, and take the steps necessary to make your home a safe place. Safe sleep guidelines alone have changed significantly since we were parenting. Back-to-sleep positioning, bare cribs, and room-sharing recommendations are now standard—and parents need to know you're following these current practices, not the ones we used years ago.
The Baby Care & Safety section of New Grandparent Essentials covers everything from safe sleep to car seat safety to feeding guidelines, giving you confidence that you're up to date on what parents expect.
Make sure you are prepared for emergencies. Take an infant-child CPR class & a choking class. While these classes are valuable to all grandparents, they are vital to any grandparent who will be caring for their grandchild. Also, have Poison Control programmed into your phone. In fact, grab your phone and do that right now: 1-800-222-1222.
Another aspect of safety is more personal. If you're a smoker, use drugs, or drink heavily, parents will likely be hesitant to place their baby in your care. Perception matters here: you may not think those two glasses of wine you have with dinner count as drinking heavily, but parents might. Thirdhand smoke—residue that lingers on clothing, furniture, and in homes—is also a growing concern for parents. Being honest with yourself about these issues shows respect for parents' concerns.
Staying physically fit to care for grandchildren
Many parents are hesitant to leave their baby with a grandparent who has physical limitations. That’s one of the reasons we encourage grandparents to focus on their own health and fitness. If you haven’t made staying fit a priority in your life, there’s no better reason than a grandbaby.
Caring for an infant requires surprising amounts of physical stamina. You'll be bending to pick up the baby from the floor, carrying them while they squirm, managing car seats, and potentially chasing after a crawler or toddler. Work with your health care provider to develop a program that will give you the strength, endurance, and flexibility you'll need.
For grandparents who have limitations that lifestyle choices can't change, you may need to work with parents to create a plan to keep those limitations from affecting your ability to care for the baby. Perhaps you can provide care in parents' home where baby equipment is already set up, or focus on specific activities that work within your abilities. Being proactive about these conversations shows parents you're thinking realistically about caregiving.
Respecting parents' boundaries and parenting decisions
It’s important to parents that anyone who takes care of their baby will respect their parenting decisions. For grandparents, this means recognizing that they may do things differently (even wrong, in your opinion!), but that your job is to support their choices. This is perhaps the most challenging aspect of building trust because it requires us to set aside our own expertise and experience. We raised our children successfully, so it's natural to think we know what we're doing. But today's parents are working with different information, facing different challenges, and making choices that work for their family—even if they wouldn't have worked for ours.
Hopefully, you've set the stage for this by asking questions and listening openly to their answers. Think of yourself as a student of this new family, and work to learn all you can about their needs and limits. Find out their preferences for feeding schedules, nap routines, soothing techniques, and screen time. Ask about any specific concerns they have, and take notes if needed.
Parents will only trust you if they know that you respect their boundaries. This means following their guidelines even when you don't agree with them, and checking in before introducing anything new—whether that's a different food, a new activity, or even a special treat.
The Partnering with Parents section of New Grandparent Essentials helps you understand exactly which questions to ask and how to ask them in ways that build trust rather than create tension.
When parents won't let grandparents babysit
Doing these three things will go a long way toward showing parents that you understand the privilege of caring for your grandchild. Still, grandparents must understand that even these steps may not be enough for some parents—and that's their privilege.
Some parents simply aren't comfortable leaving their baby with anyone, regardless of who it is or how prepared they are. Others may have concerns they're not ready to voice, or they may need more time to build confidence in themselves as parents before they can extend that trust to others.
Don't worry. While some grandparents crave one-on-one time with their grandbaby, it certainly isn't a requirement for a close relationship. If you aren't able to care for your grandbaby alone right now, you'll find many other ways to become a special person in their life. Focus on the time you do have together, whether that's during family visits, video calls, or special outings where parents are present.
Trust builds over time. By demonstrating your commitment to safety, maintaining your physical readiness, and consistently respecting parents' choices, you're laying the foundation for the relationship you want—even if the timeline looks different than you'd hoped.
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