​Old baby cribs can be dangerous for your grandchild.

Your grandbaby is coming to visit and your neighbor has offered to lend you the crib they have stored in their spare room. Should you accept their offer?

If the crib is more than 10 years old, the answer is almost certainly no.

In 2011, the drop-sided cribs we all used when our children were babies were outlawed. Too many infants were trapped in the space between the bars and the mattress when the mechanism became loose or damaged. Over 9 years, 32 babies died and many more had close calls.

Even if it’s not a drop-side crib, old cribs can be unsafe. There are safety considerations you need to be aware of before using any old crib. As of December 2021, the Consumer Product Safety Commission recommends making the following safety checks on any crib.
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​Check your used crib for safety
Is the mattress firm and tight-fitting? Can you fit more than two fingers between mattress and crib frame? If so, don’t use it.

There should be no more than 2 3/8 inches between crib slats. Can you pass a soda can between the slats? If so, a baby's body could fit through the slats. Don’t use it.

Are there any missing or cracked slats? If so, don’t use it.

Are there corner posts over 1/16th inch high? If so, a baby’s clothing could get stuck on them, causing strangulation. Don’t use it.

Are there cutouts in the headboard or footboard? A baby's head could get trapped—don’t use it.
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Are there any missing, loose, broken or improperly installed screws, brackets or other hardware on the crib or mattress support? If so, don’t use it.
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Mesh-sided portable cribs
Maybe you found a great deal on a used portable crib instead. These, too, need to be carefully examined before putting your grandchild in one. To see if a mesh-sided crib or play yard is safe, look for all of the following:

Is the size of the mesh over 1/4”? If so, the tiny buttons on a baby's clothing could get stuck, causing strangulation. Don’t use it.

Are there any tears or holes in the mesh or the top rail cover? If so, don’t use it.

Is the mesh securely attached to the top rail and floor plate? If not, don’t use it.
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Are there loose, missing or exposed staples? If so, don’t use it. 

See the full guidance and check for any changes here.

These safety checks should be made before each visit from your grandchildren. Don’t assume that the portable crib you used for the last grandchild will still be in perfect shape for the next one! Always do a safety check as part of your routine for getting ready for a visit. 

And finally, if the crib you plan to use passes all these safety checks, look for safety issues at recalls.gov.

​Now you can be sure you are providing a safe place for your precious grandchild to sleep!

Putting baby to sleep
While you may not be in charge of putting baby down in that crib, it’s important to know the latest safety tips so parents aren’t stuck with educating you. Here’s the safest way for baby to sleep:

Place baby on his/her back.

Nothing should be in the crib except the baby. No pillows, blankets, quilts, comforters, sheepskins, bumper pads or stuffed toys in the crib. Keep baby warm with a sleep sack instead of a blanket.

Use only a fitted bottom sheet specifically made for the size of crib you are using.

Whatever you do, don’t be the grandparent who says, “We did it this way and nothing happened to you!” Something did happen to someone else’s child, causing these changes to be made. So let’s all check our old baby cribs before we put our new babies in them!
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​How grandparents can help new parents (even from a distance)

Do you remember those early holidays as a new family? There was so much to do! Decorating the house, buying and wrapping gifts, traveling or prepping for guests, planning meals and baking cookies and making memories! All on top of the day-to-day chaos of the baby and toddler years. For some reason, the elves never showed up to help with the dishes, or the gift wrapping, or anything at all! Luckily, grandparents can help new parents in a variety of ways during the holidays, whether they live close by or far away.
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If you live close by, there are lots of things you can do to help new parents. Here are some things you might offer to do:

• Drop off meals. Having a stocked freezer or a night off from cooking can be a big relief.
• Let them know when you are on the way to the store and ask if they need anything.
• Offer to watch kids for a shopping night or holiday parties (but don’t be insulted if they say no).
• Ask what they are having trouble crossing off their to-do list, and offer to help with it.

The key is to help out without making things harder for them. Having them over for dinner gives them a break from cooking, but it also creates another obligation on their time and energy. They might like having someone else do the grocery shopping, or they might like having someone watch the baby while they go to the store all by themselves. It’s easy to figure out what to do: just ask, listen, and then respect their answer. 
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If you live at a distance and will be visiting for the holidays, your ability to help will be more limited, especially if your visit is short. Your focus should be on making your visit as easy as possible for them. Here are some tips:

• Come without demands. The shorter the visit, the more important this is. A holiday visit isn’t the time to insist you take the baby for photos with Santa, or that Christmas brunch won’t be complete without your mother’s traditional cranberry crêpes.
• Be willing helpers. Let them know ahead of time you hope to be useful while you are there.
• Offer to stay at a hotel. House guests, no matter how helpful, are draining. Time alone can be a blessing for all of you.
• Offer to cook a meal or pay for takeout, and then clean up afterwards.

See the rest of our suggestions for holiday visits in our post, What Parents Want Grandparents to Know About Celebrating Holidays in 2021.
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If you live at a distance and won’t be visiting, there are still ways to help new parents. Here are a few ideas:

• Consider giving them a gift that will help with holiday meals. Send a fully baked-ham, an Edible Arrangement, or a local restaurant gift card.
• Offer to pay for help. Meal delivery, laundry services, housekeeping—it can all be arranged from a distance. See our suggestions for household help that can lighten the load for new parents here.
• Ask if they’d like you to pay for someone to help with holiday errands like standing in line at the post office. You can even hire out gift wrapping!
• Share your hopes for virtual time together, but let them know you are flexible and will take whatever you can get. 

​You can see more ideas on how to help new parents from a distance in our discussion of creative ways to help new parents when grandparents can’t be there.
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Whether you are near or far, new parents will appreciate your help at the holidays, as long as it is help they really need. If you’ve set up good communication habits, you won’t have any trouble finding out what you can do to make their holiday brighter.

(If you have trouble communicating openly, check out New Grandparent Essentials!)
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As an Amazon affiliate, I may receive a commission for purchases made through these links at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping to keep this site ad-free. 

Although I love children and grandchildren at every age, I can’t deny that the preschool years are my favorite. From ages two to five, children are in a developmental explosion! It’s so much fun to watch them figure out how to do things, and to hear the hilarious and wise things they say.
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Thoughtful gifts for two-, three- and four-year-olds can help them as their language, motor and emotional skills develop. Take time to ask their parents what sorts of gifts will be welcome and what they'd like to avoid. Respecting their wishes as you shop will make everyone happier. Here are some of the best gift ideas for preschoolers.
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Activities
Gym classes, music classes, peewee sports, swimming lessons—there are a multitude of activities for preschoolers in every town. Check with mom and dad to find out if they’d like you to pay for an activity for your grandchild, and let them make the decision on what might be best. If you want to have something for the little one to open, get them something to go with the activity: a set of music makers, a swimsuit, etc. ​

Toys that Develop Motor Skills
Fine motor skills, like grasping and manipulation, develop rapidly if the right tools are provided. I love the Balancing Boat by PlanToys, which has multiple ways to play depending on the child’s age and skill. This is also a key stage for developing large motor skills, so anything that gets the whole body moving is ideal. Look for a right-sized scooter, balance bike, or tricycle (don’t forget a helmet!). Or if your grandchild’s parents have the room and would like one, a slide or climbing gym is a great gift.

The Best Picture Books
Picture books allow a child to develop concentration and language skills. Two- to five-year-olds love rhyme and repetition, and the best books make reading a pleasure for the adults in the family. Some of our favorites include Pirate Stew,  Unicorn (and Horse), The Hidden Rainbow, Silly Sally, Frog on a Log, and The Little Red Hen (Makes a Pizza).

Memberships for the Family
A membership to the zoo, aquarium or children’s museum is a gift that will provide a year of enjoyment for the whole family. Again, check with your grandchild’s parents to see if this is something they’d like. To find a zoo or aquarium near your grandchildren's family, check the American Zoo Association directory. 

Dress-ups
Pretend play explodes around the age of three, and nothing is more fun than pretending to be someone else. A good dress-up box is a perfect Christmas gift for three-year-olds. Look for elements that can be imagined in multiple ways—they might be lurking in your own closet! Hem an old party dress so it’s short enough for a little one, and put in those shoes you bought for a wedding and never wear. Check thrift stores for costume jewelry and hats, fancy shoes and clothes. If you’d like, purchase a kit of basics, like this one. 

This is also a great age to start giving gifts that provide opportunity for connection. If you are a long-distance grandparent, make sure you read oursuggestions for gifts for grandchildren who live far away.

Do you have ideas for gifts that we should include? Let us know in the comments!
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Ideas for Your Grandchild's First Christmas 
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Baby’s first Christmas! It’s so exciting for everyone involved—except, most often, the baby. Whether they are a newborn or nearly a year old, your grandbaby is not likely to enjoy this Christmas as much as future ones! That doesn’t mean you can’t make the holiday special, however. Here are some fun ways to include your new grandbaby in your Christmas celebration. 
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Baby’s First Christmas Gift Ideas
It really doesn’t matter if there is a gift wrapped and sitting under the tree. Your grandbaby won’t care or remember, which is why so many of our suggestions in our last post, 6 Surefire Gifts for Babies, are for experiences over “things”. If you are looking for Baby's First Christmas gift ideas, that’s a good place to start.

Another idea for baby’s first Christmas present is to start a gift tradition. Start a collection on their behalf, and add to it each Christmas. It makes gift buying easy and provides them with something special when they are grown. Read our ideas for annual gifts here.
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Baby's First Christmas Outfit
It's hard to resist a baby in a set of “My 1st Christmas” pajamas. There are so many to choose from that I had trouble picking a favorite to share! I finally landed on this set, but you may find one you like better! Click here for a whole bunch of options. 

Christmas Books for Babies
There are a wide variety of Christmas board books out there. These are full of bright pictures and simple text. Some of them have flaps to lift or textures to touch and feel. They are all sturdy and easy to hold, making them the best books for baby’s first Christmas:

​Baby’s First Christmas Ornament
An ornament marking baby’s first Christmas is a lovely gift. Keep your eye out for a handmade one if you go to any local Christmas craft fairs, or order one from Etsy or Amazon. You can get one that says “Baby’s 1st Christmas, or get one personalized with their name. Or just get one with the year, like this beautiful silver sleigh bell by Wallace.  Choosing an ornament each year is a popular way to help your grandchild decorate their first tree when they are an adult! 

While it’s tempting to keep your attention focused on baby’s first Christmas, remember it’s also your adult child’s first Christmas as a parent. Don’t forget to make them feel special, too! Let them lead the celebration, and clear all gifts with them. Make sure you’ve read What Parents Want Grandparents to Know About Celebrating Holidays in 2021 to make sure you can all enjoy the festivities.

Enjoy this first Christmas as grandparents, and don’t forget to make sure you get a photo of you with your grandchild if you are lucky enough to be there in person. They will treasure that photo someday!
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​Gifts for young grandchildren that they--and their parents--will love
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With a brand new grandchild, you may not be wondering what baby gifts to buy.  After all, half the fun of being a new grandparent is buying all those cute outfits and stuffed animals! And while I don’t want to discourage you from having fun, I do want to suggest some gift options that will be more useful and make their parents much happier.

The following baby gifts are all gender-neutral, so whether you are looking for gifts for a granddaughter or gifts for a new baby boy, you’ll find just the right thing. Just make the time to ask their parents what sorts of gifts will be welcome and what they'd like to avoid. Respecting their wishes as you shop will make for much happier holidays! (Read this post to find out what else parents want you to know about celebrating the holidays!)

​Lovevery 
If I could equip every baby with one kind of toy, it would be a subscription to Lovevery. Lovevery toys are designed by child development experts to give children the best play experiences for their developing brains. Toys are made of sustainably harvested wood, organic cotton and baby-safe plastic. They offer both age-appropriate subscription boxes  and single gift items like this 5-star rated play gym that will entertain baby for a full year. My grandchildren love them, and I'm consistently impressed by the quality and play potential for each piece.

Custom photo book
Babies adore looking at pictures of faces, and what could be better than the faces of the people who love them? Pinhole Press creates high-quality board books out of the photos you send them. You can customize the text on every page, so the book you order is as special as your grandchild. It’s a great way to help your grandchild know you if you are at a distance. Order one here. 

Parent-Child Classes 
One of the best gifts you can give is a set of parent and child classes, sometimes called “Mommy and Me”. There are classes in music, swimming, yoga and more, all designed to help your new grandchild develop age-appropriate skills and strengthen the bond between parent and child. They are also a great way for new parents to meet other families. Check with your grandchild’s parents to see if they would enjoy something like this.

Books 
Yes, babies need books, too. Reading to your baby or toddler builds listening, memory, and vocabulary skills crucial to communication. There are so many wonderful books for this stage of life! Colorful pictures and simple storylines are key. Some of our favorites are The Very Hungry Caterpillar ,  everything by Sandra Boynton, Moomins, Babies, and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

Photography Session
Hiring a professional photographer to capture these precious days is a gift for everyone. To find a photographer near your grandchildren’s family, search on Photo Sesh. 

College fund 
I can’t think of a more thoughtful gift to give your grandchild than the chance at a college education. Start a fund now and contribute to it regularly, and the dividends it pays will be far beyond financial.  Consult with a financial expert to find the best way to invest in your part of the world.

When you look beyond the toy aisle in your local big-box store, you’ll find gifts for young grandchildren that will enrich their life and relationships. And aren’t those the best gifts?

Want more ideas on how to make this holiday season the best? Download our free resource, A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays!

Gifts for long distance grandchildren can build connection.

​This guest post is by Kerry Byrne, PhD., founder of The Long Distance Grandparent.

When you take the time and spend the money on a gift, you want to get the most out of it in terms of creating moments and memories from a distance.
 
With a little creativity, you can give a gift to build connections around when you video chat.
 
Here’s how it works: You’ve talked to the parents, and they’ve shared that your grandchild wants a particular gift.
 
Let’s say your grandchild wants a play cash register (great gift option by the way!). You search the internet and the shops far and wide for the best cash register for their age.
 
You find the perfect cash register and send it. 
 
Now, buy one for yourself too, so you can play together on a video chat with your grandchild. A low-cost, secondhand version will do the trick. Or even make one out of a small box.
 
(Top Tip: If you are together for the gift giving event, wrap yours up too and, low and behold, you have received the same gift! You can play together while you are visiting, and then later when you video chat.)
 
But we want to make this gift work hard for its money!
 
After the gift giving frenzy dust settles, invite your grandchild to a video chat where you will play together with the gift.
 
For example, invite them to go shopping at your house. Set up a small shop with lightweight items you can mail to them afterwards. Ask them to ring up the items on their cash register. Or have them show up on the call with a shopping bag and they collect items for you to ring through your cash register.
 
This springboard effect can be extended to almost any gift you purchase.
 
A baby doll: you can take care of your babies together on a video chat. In the coming months, follow-up with clothes for baby doll or a wee bottle.
 
A dump truck: You can fill your dump trucks up together and unload them. And in the future, you can send them a small packet of dinosaurs or cotton balls to ‘load’ into the truck together. You guessed it, buy a small packet for yourself too.
 
Pokémon cards – if you buy yourself some, you can talk about them together and tap into their expertise to better understand them. Collecting the same things your grandchild loves to collect is a great way to bond.
 
For older grandchildren, perhaps you were asked to pick up a jersey from a sports team or a player they love? Buy yourself one and show up on a video chat wearing it or take a picture of yourself in the jersey and make it into a postcard.
 
You can just buy a baseball type cap if it’s cheaper than the whole jersey. It’s just about letting them know you are listening and care about what they care about.
 
This will be the gift that keeps on giving to your relationship with them – something you can play or talk about together.
 
A gift you can build on in future interactions or mailings you send to them. If you find some cool dinosaur money, you can pop it into the mail to revive the shop game in future.
 
Play – and a willingness to be playful - is so important to creating trust and nurturing bonds from a distance. Being thoughtful about a gift’s potential for shared play will go a long way towards building the relationship you want with your grands.
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​Kerry Byrne, PhD, has studied aging and care for 25 years. She is the founder of The Long Distance Grandparent, a mission-driven business helping grandparents build strong bonds with their grandchildren from a distance.

​Holiday traditions with grandchildren might look different.

What family traditions do you have during the holidays? Do you all go to choose a tree together, coming home to hot chocolate and cookies? Do you love that first night of Hanukkah, when you get out the menorah and gather around to light that first candle? Do you eagerly anticipate your yearly marathon baking session and taking goodies to the neighbors? Do you look forward to going to church late on Christmas Eve, with all the children in matching pajamas?
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Are these holiday traditions important to you? They are to most families. Our holiday traditions are part of the culture we create as our family shapes its values and customs. Every single family has its own unique culture, something we must recognize as grandparents. When our adult children start their own families, they start establishing their own family cultures. Sometimes that culture looks a lot like the one they came from, but sometimes it doesn’t.

As grandparents, it can be hurtful or confusing when our adult children don’t continue a tradition we value. When our grandchildren don’t get to go pick out a tree because their parents opted for an artificial tree, we might feel they are missing out on something important. When their parents choose to raise them in a different faith (or none at all), it can feel like a rejection of our values. When they decline the trip to see Santa, it can seem like a criticism of our own customs.

This is where it’s important to control our perspective. Instead of concentrating on what breaking family traditions says about us, we should focus on what it says about our adult children. Instead of feeling sadness or rejection, we can celebrate their independence as they create traditions that matter to them. We can delight in watching their family culture unfold as they decide what holiday traditions to start with baby, and keep learning about them as they form their own family traditions. We can rejoice in the things they value.

None of this means you can’t start your own holiday traditions with your grandchildren. Your annual baking session will be more fun if you can include your grands. Perhaps you can bring them along on your own trip to the tree farm, buy them matching pajamas, or take them to visit Santa. But whatever you do, make sure you talk to their parents first—for two reasons.

First, you want to make sure they don’t have objections you hadn’t considered. By running your ideas by them, they can remind you to skip the almond cookies this year because of the recently diagnosed tree nut allergy. Perhaps they don’t want matching pajamas because they are worried about the environmental impact of the fashion industry.  Maybe they know their child is terrified by people in costume, and don’t want to create a negative association with Santa. Whether or not you think their objections have merit, it's crucial to find out what they are and agree to honor them.

Second, you want to make sure you aren’t hijacking a holiday tradition they wanted to enjoy themselves. I’ll never forget my neighbor practically crying when she discovered her mother had taken the kids to the mall for pictures with Santa, something she had looked forward to doing herself. Parents get first dibs on all the fun stuff!

If you are lucky, you might get to tag along.

What family traditions do you look forward to at the holidays? Share in the comments!

Is it your grandbaby's first Thanksgiving? Here are five fun Thanksgiving books to help celebrate the holiday!