When grandparents understand the reasons behind gender-neutral parenting, it’s easy to support it. 

The growing popularity of gender-reveal parties lies in sharp contrast to another growing trend: gender neutrality. While some parents are celebrating the discovery of their baby’s gender and going all in on pink or blue, others are fighting against pigeon-holing their child based on their gender. Like all parenting methods that are new to us, it can be confusing to grandparents as we try to figure out how to respect our adult children’s wishes. Here’s a quick look at what gender-neutral parenting is.

What is gender neutrality?
The goal of gender-neutral parenting is to raise children without enforcing traditional gender roles on them. Note the words “gender roles”. Although there are cases where parents believe a child should be free to choose their gender identity, these are the exception rather than the norm. For most parents who want to raise their child in a gender-neutral environment, it’s an attempt to cast off gender stereotypes and focus on the individual.
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Gender-neutral parenting doesn’t deny that there are differences between genders. It doesn’t insist that boys who love trucks have to play with dolls, or that girls who want to wear nothing but sparkly pink dresses have to be forces into jeans and t-shirts. The goal is not to raise a genderless child, but one who has the freedom to develop the skills and traits that will best serve them as an individual.

What are gender stereotypes?
Girls are more nurturing. Boys are more energetic. These are not facts, simply stereotypes that are perpetuated from one generation to the next. Here are some more stereotypes:

• Boys are tough
• Girls are sweet
• Boys are good at math and science
• Girls are good at language arts
• Boys are rational
• Girls are emotional
• Blue is for boys
• Pink is for girls
• Girls like dolls
• Boys like trucks

In recent years, society has begun to recognize these stereotypes and the long-term damage they do. Successful adults are both nurturing and resilient, and we should encourage those traits in both girls and boys. Equality in the workplace suffers because of the messages both women and men absorb from childhood. Parents recognize that to really change things, however, they need to actively work to combat the messages that are sent from the day their child’s gender is revealed.​

Why water safety is important, and how to help your grandchildren be water safe.

Although it’s hard to believe from where I am currently sitting (it’s 42° and raining), summer is just around the corner. Before long, our grandchildren will be visiting and we’ll be spending our days by the lake. Since May is National Water Safety Month, it’s the perfect time to brush up on keeping our grandchildren safe with some water safety tips.

Don’t think you can skip this post if you don’t have a pool, spa, pond, lake, stream or ocean close by. Children can drown in just 2” of water, and children under the age of one most often drown in bathtubs, buckets or toilets. Drowning is the leading cause of accidental death for children ages 1-4, and one that can be prevented with some simple steps.

First, children need to be supervised by an adult any time water is nearby. When enjoying the pool, beach, waterpark or lake, an adult should be no more than an arm’s length away from any inexperienced or weak swimmer. However, the vast majority of drownings happen when kids don’t have permission to be in the water or adults are not supervising. Children should be closely watched if there is any possible access to water.

Remember that just being nearby is not the same as supervising. Someone needs to be dedicated to watching the children at all times, without being distracted by their phone or other people. Case in point: I was once in a hot tub chatting with four other adults, and three small children were happily jumping from side to side. We were enjoying our conversation so much that none of the adults noticed when one of the little ones started flailing. Luckily, her four-year-old sister was more vigilant than we were, and hauled her back to safety. This incident made us all realize why water safety is important.

If you do have a pool, hot tub, water feature or other body of water accessible from your property, make sure there are layers of protection in place. This starts inside the house: make sure kids can’t get outside by themselves, whether with locks or alarms or both. There should be a fence surrounding the pool and a cover on the spa, and an alarm on them as well. Make sure drain covers are safety compliant: the suction from a drain can trap even an adult.

Especially if your grandchildren will have access to water at your house, I urge you to take the Red Cross’ free online water safety course for parents and caregivers.  From the Red Cross website: “The Water Safety for Parents and Caregivers Online Course focuses on developing an awareness of the risks of drowning and how to minimize those risks, especially for young children. This online course teaches parents and caregivers about the concepts of the circle of drowning prevention, water competency and the chain of drowning survival. It also provides guidance for applying water safety to common environments and situations where children are most at risk for drowning.” I promise it will be a half-hour well spent, whether you have a pool or not.  

Teach kids about water safety. Grandparents are perfectly poised to pass on a respect for water. Here are some water safety tips:

• Set water safety rules for kids to follow.
• Make sure your grandchildren have swimming lessons, even if you have to pay for them and drive them yourself. This is especially true if you have a pool.
• Don’t rely on “floaties” or inflatable rings to keep your grandchild safe. These are toys, not safety devices, and give both children and adults a false sense of security.
• Teach children to stay away from the drain in all pools.
• If you are boating or near a lake, make sure you have right-sized life jackets and make it a rule that they are always worn by everyone.
• Teach them to never turn their back on the ocean, and to understand rip currents and tides.

Learn CPR. CPR is one of those things you never want to use, but need to know. The Red Cross now offers certification online, making it even easier for you. (Click here for more info.)

Water safety for children begins and ends with the adults who love them.  These are just a few water safety tips for kids, but there are more ways to keep them safe. Please take the Red Cross’ Water Safety course and share this post with the other adults who love your grandchildren. 
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​It’s important to know how to keep your grandbaby safe from foods that can cause harm.

Food. It’s the cause of many a disagreement between parents and grandparents. And it’s not just about Grandma sneaking a cookie to Junior before dinner! Dietary choices, feeding methods, food allergies and sensitivities, mealtime philosophies—there are so many issues that grandparents need to recognize.

Breast vs. bottle, baby-led weaning vs. starting with purees or vegan vs. omnivore: Today’s parents usually have strong feelings about how their baby is fed. Grandparents don’t always agree with their methods, but no matter what you think is right, it’s vital that you support your adult child’s decisions.

Unless your grandchild is showing signs of malnutrition, your role as a grandparent doesn’t extend to making decisions about how or when a child is fed. Make sure you know and respect the parents’ wishes about how their child is nourished. If you question what they are doing, learn about their chosen method so you can understand their reasoning.

Grandparents also need to be aware that food can be a safety issue. It’s important to know how to keep your grandbaby safe from foods that can cause harm. We’ve put together some food and feeding safety tips for you as a starting point, but you should always check in with parents to find out what's important to them.

The following food can cause serious illness in babies and should be avoided for the first year of a child’s life:​

Honey: can cause botulism, a serious form of food poisoning. Avoid all foods containing honey, including yogurt, cereals and crackers, such as honey graham crackers.

Unpasteurized drinks or foods such as juices, milks (raw milk), yogurt, or cheeses may put babies at risk for E. coli, which can cause severe and life-threatening diarrhea.

Cow’s milk may put a baby at risk for intestinal bleeding. An infant’s kidneys cannot handle the proteins and minerals in fortified milk.

Juice is not recommended for babies under 12 months, as its high sugar content is of little nutritional value.

To help reduce allergies, solid food shouldn’t be introduced until six months of age. While we were usually instructed to introduce foods in a certain order, that’s no longer seen as important for most children. 
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Once a baby begins eating solid foods, it’s vital to be aware of the foods that are common choking hazards. This list includes:​

These, and any other food that could block their airway, could cause choking. It’s a good idea to take a course on what to do if a child is choking, like the one offered here.

The way you feed your grandbaby is as important as what you feed him or her. It’s important to make sure food is cooked and prepared for your grandchild’s developmental stage. They should be sitting upright while eating, not crawling, reclining, or walking. Supervise your grandchildren closely while they are eating, and avoid giving them food in the car or stroller where you can’t see them at all times.

Being a prepared grandparent is the best gift you can give your grandchildren. While no amount of preparation can prevent all emergencies, knowing what the risks are is an important first step.

Do you remember when your baby was born? The doctor or midwife announced the arrival and gave you a quick peek of the child you just labored to bring into the world. Then the baby was whisked away to be cleaned up, weighed, measured and assessed. After an hour or so, a sweet little bundle in a knit hat and flannel blanked with blue and pink stripes was placed in your arms, and you got to properly meet your baby.

Today, medical professionals are recognizing that the first hour after birth is an important time for mother and baby to bond. In many hospitals, they no longer rush to assess babies and complete the checklist of newborn tasks. Instead, they give newborns a chance to acclimate to life outside the womb with a period of skin-to-skin contact with their mother.

You’ll be glad to know the little knit cap is still in the picture! Babies are dried off and placed on their mother’s bare chest, wearing only the cap. A blanket is draped over them, and mother and baby spend up to an hour or more simply enjoying each other.

This intimate time of relaxation is about more than bonding: it has immediate effects on baby’s physical, emotional and social development. According to research, contact with the mother’s skin stimulates the part of a baby’s brain that causes him to move towards the breast and begin feeding. This encourages physical development. Emotional and social development is sparked when the baby opens her eyes and gazes at her mother. What’s more, this period of skin-to-skin contact improves the outcome for both mother and baby.​

Studies have shown that skin-to-skin contact immediately after birth helps mothers by increasing oxytocin, resulting in lower blood pressure, a quicker return to pre-pregnancy hormone levels and lower incidence of post-partum depression. It can reduce post-partum bleeding, increase breastmilk production and improve breastfeeding outcomes.

For baby, the list of benefits is even longer.

Skin-to-skin contact immediately after birth has been shown to improve babies’ ability to absorb and digest nutrients and maintain their body temperature. Their heartbeat and breathing are more stable and they have higher blood oxygen levels. These babies are more successful at breastfeeding immediately after birth, and demonstrate improved weight gain. They spend more time in the crucial deep sleep and quiet alert states and even cry less often.
There are also long-term benefits of skin-to-skin contact, such as improved brain development and function and better parent attachment. Surprisingly, skin-to-skin contact has even been linked to stronger immune systems.

So why do grandparents need to know about this? Because the key to realizing these benefits is letting mother and baby enjoy this window of time without distraction. Grandparents are not part of the equation, and allowing space for parents to bond with their baby is the first generous act you can complete as a grandparent.

If you are lucky enough to be there for the delivery, this means you can help improve the health of both mother and baby by removing yourself from the room. As hard as it might be to tear yourself away, you can give your new grandchild and its parents an enormous gift by stepping away. Go get a cup of coffee and call your best friend with the news (but don’t post it on social media until you’ve been given the green light by parents!). Take a walk and dream about all the things you want to do as a grandparent.

If you aren’t there for the birth, don’t be hurt if you have to wait for a FaceTime call or visit. Your chance to get to know your new grandchild will come soon enough.

​And it will definitely be worth the wait. 

​Poison Prevention Week is March 20-26, the perfect time to  identify poisoning hazards that might injure your grandchildren. 

 Before she could crawl, Amelia was the most content baby ever. She happily sat and watched the world go on around her, rarely fussing or making demands. Everyone who met her said the same thing: “She’s such a good baby!” And she was! Her parents quickly got used to the fact that she was no trouble at all.

And then she got mobile, and the trouble started. She got into everything, and the more dangerous it was, the quicker she found it. After months of having a perfectly behaved baby, her parents weren’t ready for one who tried to defy death on a regular basis. Even their best attempts at baby-proofing couldn’t keep her from finding hazards. They had the number for poison control on speed dial, and used it regularly. Luckily, despite her best attempts, Amelia (and her parents!) lived through all her misadventures.

The moral of this story is that babies and children, no matter how well-behaved they are, can get into trouble when we least expect it. As grandparents, we are often even less prepared for mischief: our homes are full of hazards. With Poison Prevention Week coming up March 20-26, I want to challenge you to check your house and secure any poisoning hazards now, before the next time your grandchildren are in your home.

There are three steps to protecting your grandchildren from accidental poisoning in your home:

1. Know what’s dangerous. Below, we’ve provided a list of some of the most common causes of poisoning. It’s not exhaustive, so go through your home and look for other items that may be harmful.

2. Secure all potentially hazardous substances. Remember, no container is 100% childproof. Keep all dangerous substances in their original containers and out of reach of children. Even better, keep them out of sight to reduce any temptation. Consider child safety latches on cupboards that contain hazardous items, even if they are above a child’s reach.

3. Program the number for Poison Help into your phone: 1-800-222-1222. Do it right now! (I just did it myself!)

Take a few minutes and find a safer place for the following common causes of accidental poisoning in children:

Medications. If you have your daily medications in a handy pill organizer (as many grandparents do), you need to make sure it is consistently put away where your grandchildren can’t see or reach it. Medications are the leading cause of child poisoning, and up to 20 percent of pediatric poisonings involve a grandparent’s medication. Make sure all medications, both prescription and over the counter, are out of sight and out of reach. This includes homeopathic and herbal remedies.

Household cleaners. Cleaners should be stored on a high shelf, out of reach and out of sight.

Dishwasher tabs. These shiny little nuggets look like candy to children.

Laundry pods. Like dishwasher tabs, these colorful pods appeal to curious children.

Tobacco and e-cigarette products.

Alcohol. This includes rubbing alcohol, spirits and hand sanitizer.

Pesticides and insect repellents. Make sure you check the yard and garage as well.

Button batteries. These are found in hearing aids, key fobs, books with music or sounds, etc.

Oils and lubricants.  In addition to engine oil and others in the garage, think about fragrance oils, essential oils, etc.

Personal care products. Secure contact lens disinfectants, mouthwash, and other items that contain toxic ingredients.

Securing your home is just one part of the equation for grandparents.
You also need to be vigilant is when you visit your grandchild. Do you have medication in your purse? Make sure it’s not within reach, even if you are just stopping by. If you are staying overnight, don’t leave medications or other harmful substances in your suitcase where they can be found.    

Smart grandparents make sure that they are up-to-date on health and safety issues. Make sure you’ve read our other posts on What Grandparents Need to Know, and get New Grandparent Essentials for even more information!

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​February 6-12 is Burn Awareness Week. It’s a great time to make sure we are doing everything we can to keep our grandchild safe from accidental burns. #NBAW
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He was just starting to pull himself up on things, and one afternoon he tried to pull himself up on the oven while I was making dinner. The side of the oven door, which I’d never thought to touch, was searingly hot, and his little hand was badly burned. I will never forget the way he cried—the shrieks of pure pain that came from his little body. I felt like the worst mother in the world when we took him to the emergency room, but he bounced back quickly and healed without incident. Still, I was scarred for life! I am paranoid about children being near burn hazards.

Children have no concept of what “hot” means—unless they learn it the hard way, as my son did. That’s why it’s so important for caregivers to be extra vigilant about potential burn hazards. Grandparents, this means making sure your home is safe whenever your grandchildren are there, even if they are being closely watched by adults. I can tell you from experience, a child can burn themselves even with their mother standing two feet away.​

Tips for keeping your grandchildren safe from accidental burns in the kitchen
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Keep hot food and liquids away from children.

• Don’t hold a child while cooking or carrying hot food or drinks.
• Use a travel mug to drink your hot tea or coffee.
• Keep hot food and liquids away from the edges of tables and counters, and don’t use table linens which could be pulled on by a young child.

Keep children away from the cooking zone.

• Never leave the stove unattended while it’s in use.
• Make sure the handles are turned away from the front of the stove.
• Find out if your oven has external areas that get hot, and be extra vigilant if it does.

Food can burn, too.

• Test food temperature before feeding.
• Remember microwaves may heat food unevenly, so always stir well and test again.
• Avoid using the microwave to warm a baby’s bottle.  

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Tips for keeping your grandchildren safe from accidental burns in the bathroom

• Remember that a child’s skin is thinner and more susceptible to severe burning than an adult’s.
• Set your hot water heater below 120 F, or 50 C.
• Always check the temperature of bath water with your elbow or the inside of your wrist, not your hand, before putting your grandchild in the tub.
• Run cold water to cool off the faucet before you turn it off, and turn off the tap tightly. 

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Tips for keeping your grandchildren safe from accidental burns elsewhere in the house

• Never leave a child unattended in a room where a stove, fireplace, candle, warm mist humidifier or space heater is in use.
• Keep irons, curling irons, etc. unplugged and out of reach, especially after using them. Make sure their cords are also out of reach.
• Keep matches, lighters, candles, ashtrays, cigarettes, etc. out of sight and out of reach. 

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Tips for keeping your grandchildren safe from accidental burns outside the house:

• Never leave grills, fire pits, camp fires or patio heaters unattended while they are in use.
• Check for hot straps or buckles on car seats after your car has been sitting in the sun.
• Children and fireworks don’t mix. Don’t use backyard fireworks or sparklers when children are present. 

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Following these tips should ensure your grandchild will never experience what my son did. However, if the worst happens, make sure you know what to do for a burn. Remove any wet clothing, and run cool water on the burned area for 20 minutes. Don’t use ice, butter, creams or lotions. If the burn is severe, seek medical advice after initial first aid is given. 
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Find more valuable safety tips in the Baby Care and Safety section of New Grandparent Essentials, the best way for grandparents to be prepared for life's greatest adventure!