Rituals, both big and little, create a lasting legacy.

A few years ago, we made a conscious decision to make the beginning of July the time of year that our family gathers together. Though we also convene for other holidays, weddings or important milestones, this summer celebration comes without added responsibilities—it allows us simply to enjoy each other’s company. We realize that it won’t happen every year, but our hope is that as the years go by, our children and grandchildren will be drawn to us and one another by the rituals we are creating.
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Most of the rituals are simple: Saturday trips to the farmer’s market. Donut Friday. Eating dinner outside. Watching the sunset together. Some are more elaborate, like our annual 4th of July party: invitations to everyone’s friends in the area, a giant flag hung from our balcony and fireworks over the lake. But each of them is a way to create our identity as a family. They mark the things we value (yes, donuts can be a family value!) and tie us to one another.

Another power of ritual is this: the people we’ve shared a ritual with in the past will be with us each time we repeat that ritual, even if they aren’t there physically.

When I was young and my grandmother and I walked hand in hand, she had a funny little saying. If we had to drop hands for an obstacle or another pedestrian, when we rejoined our hands she always smiled down at me and said, “Bread and butter.” I was too timid of a child to ask her why she said this, but I’ve since read that the phrase is a sort of superstition: it’s supposed to counteract any bad luck caused by letting something come between you. I didn’t understand it at the time, yet any time I am walking hand in hand with someone and we have to let go of one another, I think of my grandmother. I don’t even need to repeat the ritual for it to have the power to bring her smile to mind.

As you create small rituals and traditions with your grandchildren, you are creating a legacy that will last long after you are gone. Most rituals don’t cost a penny and don’t take any preparations: all you need are intention and repetition. It can be as simple as the way you say hello or goodbye. It can be a song you sing every morning or a hug you give every night. It can be a walk after dinner or the annual planting of a garden. No matter what it is, the more you repeat it, the more meaningful it will become to your grandchildren. And as they repeat that ritual in the future, they’ll think of you and the legacy of love you’ve left them.

Do you have a ritual you share with your grandchildren? Please share it in the comments!

Why writing your stories is an important part of your legacy.

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The story goes something like this: 

A young girl was at school when a storm was approaching, and all the children were sent home. Before she could get safely to her house, a tornado hit. It lifted her off the ground and she ended up hanging by the sash of her dress from a utility pole.

As she hung there waiting to be rescued, she was mostly worried her mother would be mad that she’d ruined her new dress.

It’s such a dramatic story that it’s hard to believe! And it makes me want more details—how old was the girl? Was her mother upset? How far did she have to walk? Who rescued her?

The details are gone—because the girl in the story, my grandmother, is gone.  It’s a story I’ve only heard secondhand.

I wish she’d written it down somewhere! I’ve heard other wonderful stories about my grandparents, like the time my grandfather and a friend drove a Model-T across the United States. They are stories I’d love to tell my grandchildren, but the details have faded and the stories are so weak without them!

Recording our memories is the best way to ensure they will last. Luckily for grandparents, there are lots of ways to achieve this! Today we’re going to share five creative ways to leave a written legacy.

​Lessons from The Repair Shop 

​In the spring of 2020, when the world seemed to be falling apart and I craved an escape, one of my daughters told me to watch The Repair Shop, a BBC show which documents the restoration of family heirlooms.

Have you ever seen it? It’s filmed in an idyllic workshop at the Weald and Downland Living Museum in the English countryside. People bring in all sorts of objects: lamps and paintings, butter churns and jewelry, driving gloves and toy monkeys. They tell the story of whatever it is that’s fallen into disrepair, and a team of skilled artisans brings it back to life. It’s soothing—and satisfying—to watch worn and dilapidated old objects be lovingly mended and preserved by experts.

As I watched episode after episode, over and over I heard a variation of the same words.

“It was my granny’s.”
“My granddad had it in his study.”
“It was always sitting in my grandmother’s front room.”
“I loved playing with it when I was at my grandparents.”

This revelation was always followed by,
“It brings back such memories.”

No matter what item the show guests brought in, it wasn't the object that they wanted preserved, it was the memories.

Family heirlooms are powerful ways to connect to memories, but it’s the memories that hold the value. When the customers of The Repair Shop entrust the show with their precious hand-me-downs, it’s in the hope that by restoring the object, the memories will be strengthened and extended. They want the stories about the lucky purse or the riding crop to endure. They want the bonds that are symbolized by the antique clock to be extended to the next generation. They want to honor their family by preserving the legacy of that special heirloom.

When my maternal grandparents had both passed away, my mother asked if there was anything of theirs that I wanted. I had only one request: their green leather card table. Not because it was beautiful (it was) and not because it was my favorite color (it was), but because it was a symbol of who they were to me. Playing cards was something we did together when I was a child, and though I never sat at that green table with them, I knew they played cards at it every evening at home. I knew that I would think of them every time I saw it, and that I’d tell my children and grandchildren about them and why the table was important to me.

And I have.

Make sure you are sharing the stories about the things in your home that are important to you. They are the memories that will be attached to those things, and there’s no better way to build on your family legacy.
 
What memories are you preserving through family heirlooms? How will you pass them on to your grandchildren? Please share in the comments!
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Are you one of the many grandparents who hopes their grandchildren will grow up with a generous spirit? One way we can foster that is by creating rituals of giving. Here are three ideas from grandparents (including me!):

THE POWER OF LOOSE CHANGE
I’ve shared this story in the past, but here it is again: When our children were small, we saved our spare change all year long in a special jar. Every December, we’d count and roll the coins, then take the kids to the toy store. There, they’d each get to figure out what to buy with their share of the money we’d collected. The final step was putting those toys in the box for Toys for Tots. It was such a tangible way to show them how pennies and dimes could add up, and to let them in on the excitement of giving to a good cause. Now we look forward to doing the same with our grandchildren.

GIVE THEM A VOICE
From the time they were too young to read, we read to the four grands on holidays about causes that needed help. They had to decide which one they wanted to share any money they were gifted. As they got older, we gave them printouts telling them about certain charities and sent them into a room together to vote on which one to support that year. They learned about what percentage of their good “fortune” to share and to evaluate the different causes. Now grown, when told that part of their “gift” went to a certain charity, we get rave responses. Teaching caring needs to start early. “Storylady”

ONE FOR ME, ONE FOR YOU
Every once in a while, we take our granddaughter to choose a new book or toy. We always let her choose two: one to keep, and one to add to the giving box. When the holidays roll around, we take her along when we deliver the giving box to a local gift drive. This way, we aren’t just thinking about giving at the holidays, but all year long. “Grandpa Gene”
 
How do you teach your grandchildren about sharing and giving? Please share in the comments!

If you are interested, a piggy bank like the one in the photo is available here. 

Nurturing mindfulness in your grandchildren gives them a gift they can use for life.

The hot days of summer are here, and with three small children at home, peaceful moments are bound to be in short supply at my grandchildren's house! Especially for my daughter-in-law, who is home all day while my son works ridiculously long hours. The heat and humidity in their home state is unbearable for my SoCal constitution, so I avoid visiting during the summer. I try to make up for not being on the ground to help out by providing activities they can do with minimal parental commitment.

This month, I sent a virtual mindfulness retreat. The simplest definition of mindfulness is paying full attention to something, and paying attention is a crucial skill for kids! Helping them learn to focus, breath and relax will help them deal with frustration and stress, something that is part of everyone’s life. What did I include?

First, Yogi, a yoga card game that includes a variety of kids’ activities. 

While yoga and mindfulness are two distinct things, they share many elements. Yoga helps kids pay attention to their bodies and breath. It’s also a great activity when it’s too hot for a bike ride! The report from the ground was that they loved it. ​

​Next, My First Mandalas Coloring Book  and new markers from Crayola, Pip-Squeaks Skinnies. These washable markers are designed for little hands, and the box of 64 colors was met with complete and utter delight. SO MANY COLORS! Despite that, a certain three-year-old still colored her first mandala almost entirely in pink.

​The adorable board book, Mindfulness Moments for Kids: Breathe Like a Bear by Kira Willey, shares mindful meditation exercises for the very young. Anni Betts’ beautiful illustrations featuring a sweet bear cub show children how to feel calm. ​

A classic, The Important Book by Margaret Wise Brown, asks children to think deeply about the importance of everyday objects. The simple concept and colorful pictures resonated with the grandchildren: it’s been a repeated request at story time since they got it.  ​

And finally, ​A Handful of Quiet: Happiness in Four Pebbles, by Thich Nhat Hanh, shares the concept of mindfulness in a way that children can understand and practice. Pebble mediation is a simple practice that can relieve stress, increase concentration, nourish gratitude, and help children deal with difficult emotions. It’s a book we might all want to read!

I also sent a tiny gift for my daughter-in-law: some soap that smells like one of her favorite teas. My hope is that when she uses it, she will breathe deeply, remember she is loved, and find a mindful moment of joy—or at least peace!

Like any other skill, mindfulness takes practice to develop. Introducing it while they are young will help your grandchildren learn to understand their emotions and develop a useful tool for handling life’s stress. 

Do you practice mindfulness? Have you shared it with your grandchildren? Let us know in the comments!

Grandparenting: RENEW, RELIVE, REJOICE is a simple, user-friendly guide to being more present in the moments you have with your grandchildren. It suggests practical, actionable activities to help you fully enjoy the time you have together. Students of mindfulness will be familiar with many of the techniques, but even mindfulness masters will appreciate the suggestions for sharing those techniques with your grandchildren. 

The suggestions in early chapters seemed like common sense to me, but later chapters had activities that I look forward to trying with my grandchildren. I especially loved the section on listening, an area where we can all use some improvement! Generously interspersed with the mindfulness suggestions are charming anecdotes from grandparents. If you love reading stories that make you go, “Aww”, you will enjoy this book for the stories alone.

If you are a grandparent who has been curious about mindfulness, this book would be a great place to start. It’s probably most helpful to grandparents who see their grandchildren often and regularly, though some of the ideas would work during infrequent visits, as well.

Ready to be a more mindful grandparent? Order it today!

If you’ve read it, please share your thoughts about the book in the comments!

Do you remember that feeling when you first held your grandchild? That physical rush of connection with this baby that you were just handed?

My oldest grandson is 4. Yet I first felt that rush of emotion 14 years ago, when I held my niece JP.

She wasn’t my first niece or nephew—not by a long shot—but she was my youngest sister’s first child. That sister was born when I was 15, and she was very much my first baby. So when her child was placed in my arms, it felt like a miracle. I felt an instant connection that I hadn’t felt with any of my other siblings’ children. And though I’m incredibly fond of all of my nieces and nephews, there is still something special about JP.
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Now JP is 14, and we don’t see each other often. But she’s recently gotten an Instagram account, and I can see what she is doing and thinking regularly. And I can see, that as a teenager, she still needs adults in her life to help her process the world. Her parents are doing a great job of guiding her, but it’s going to get harder and harder for them as she gets older. And that’s when grandparents (or aunts!) can be the adults she needs. 

​A Secret Weapon for Connection with Your Grandkids

Did you read about my grandparenting vision statement? One of my core beliefs is that my purpose is to teach my grandchildren to explore the world. This can be hard as a long-distance grandparent, especially during a pandemic. I’d love to regularly take them on trips around their town—or mine (or anyone’s really!). I’d like to point out the constellations, show them the difference between a lake and an ocean, and tell them about all the places we’ve lived. I wish we could sit down with maps and make plans for where to explore next. Unfortunately, that’s not something that can happen as regularly as I’d like.

So recently, I sent a box full of ways for them to plan and explore the world from their house. How will this foster connection? Knowing where you are in the world, and where the people you love are, helps make sense of the universe. It creates a framework for conversations, and a springboard for future plans. Plus, it shows them that I value exploration, while giving them something new to learn and do!
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Here’s what I included:

I also sent maps: this set of United States, world and solar system maps, and a local street map of their city so they could find where they lived. They were a big hit, as was this compass!

And finally, I sent materials to make their own maps: some graph paper and colored pencils. My grandson worked hard on his map of his house and yard, but you'll have to follow me on Instagram to see the exciting backyard he designed!