Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Sooner sounded great until it happened. At Christmas of 2018, I received the news. "We have one more present for you guys," my son said with a bit of a grin on his face. My son handed my wife a card wrapped in holiday paper that I guessed was not a gift certificate for an all-inclusive river cruise through Europe. It was, in fact, a sonogram picture of a little boy. Imagine my excitement, pride, and happiness for my son, daughter-in-law, and especially my wife.

That was the day, Christmas 2018, that I heard the news that I was becoming a grandfather. I was happy for the kids; they had been married for a few years, and kids, I felt, would show up at some point. I knew that my daughter-in-law and son would be, and are, good parents. I had—and still have—some doubts that I could and will nail this grandpa role. Don't get me wrong; I am smart enough not to let the grandkids feed alligators raw chicken out of their little hands. I will most likely not ask them to taste questionable milk out of the fridge. However, I fear that there may be some things that I might miss that could have led to a stronger relationship if done differently.

For me, instead of fretting about what to do and not do with soon arriving grandson and other grandchildren to come, I decided to take some action. I started a podcast. The Cool-Grandpa Podcast was born out of two ideas. First, I feel that the grandfather's role in the family is not being acknowledged to the extent that I think it should be. I had this attitude before I became a grandfather, so it wasn’t a late-arriving attitude. Good grandpas do more than write checks on birthdays and show up, then fall asleep watching the football game on Thanksgiving. Grandpas can have a decades-long influence on grandchildren. I wanted a platform, modest as it is, to celebrate and document the impact of grandfathers on grandchildren and their families. Second, I wanted to learn from grandchildren (adult or otherwise) and grandpas about what makes a Cool Grandpa.
 
So, I began asking: What did your grandpa do with you when you were ten or eleven years old? The answers often lead to comments about activities or conversations that led these adult grandchildren to receive a greater sense of great worth in their middle school years.
With grandfathers, I will often ask, what is it that you do with your grandchildren so that your time with them is particularly memorable? I want to dig into this mystery and understand how I can make sure my grandchildren know without a doubt that I am their cheerleader, their coach, and their confidant. So, I started the podcast to learn how to become a Cool Grandpa or, in another way, how can I be the best grandpa I can be?

There are four critical lessons that I have learned in over 50 hours of talking to people about being a grandfather:

1. Be intentional – Activities and communication can happen, but they don't occur unless grandfathers are intentional about them. Be sure to let everyone know what you would like to do with the grandchild when you visit. If you don't make plans and communicate them, you could walk away from your time with the family and grandkids dissatisfied. Many psychologists will confirm that the most significant cause of conflict, internal or external, is unrealized expectations.
2. Grandkids react differently – Grandchildren will react and interact differently with grandparents. Granddaughters, for example, may run to grandma before going to grandpa. This reaction by grandchildren is NOT a reflection on your relationship or what you are doing. The grandchildren have different needs and different responses based on where they are in their lives. Don't sweat it, Grandpa, if you don’t get the first hug, and don’t be embarrassed if you do get that first squeeze when you walk through the door.
3. You are not their parent – Your job, Grandpa, is to be their cheerleader, coach, and mentor. Leave the day-to-day stuff with their parents. Your kids need to learn their role as parents just like YOU did. However, be there to support your kids as they know how to be moms and dads. There is a lot of pressure and conflicting messages going on that can be overwhelming to young parents. Complement the kids early and often on the things they are doing right. If you have to have a conversation about behavior or even physical development issues with the grandchildren, pick the right moment and not in front of many people.
4. Enjoy it – Being a grandfather is NOT a do-over for wanting to "do things differently." It is a chance to enjoy what a good job your kids are doing becoming parents. Being a grandpa IS your chance to enjoy the big picture of watching little ones become big ones. There will be moments where we can help guide and encourage them to become the best version of themselves possible. However, remember to enjoy this time and privilege of watching life unfold differently from when you were a dad.

The role of the grandfather is essential. If it weren't, I wouldn't have 50- and 60-year-olds continually telling me about how their grandfather influenced their work ethic, hobbies, and interests, the direction they took in high school and college, and their relationship expectations.

Instead of quietly going about our business and being awesome, let's be active and intentional about what we do and how we do it. Our grandkids are worth it, so say it loud and say it proud, I'M A COOL GRANDPA!

Nurturing mindfulness in your grandchildren gives them a gift they can use for life.

The hot days of summer are here, and with three small children at home, peaceful moments are bound to be in short supply at my grandchildren's house! Especially for my daughter-in-law, who is home all day while my son works ridiculously long hours. The heat and humidity in their home state is unbearable for my SoCal constitution, so I avoid visiting during the summer. I try to make up for not being on the ground to help out by providing activities they can do with minimal parental commitment.

This month, I sent a virtual mindfulness retreat. The simplest definition of mindfulness is paying full attention to something, and paying attention is a crucial skill for kids! Helping them learn to focus, breath and relax will help them deal with frustration and stress, something that is part of everyone’s life. What did I include?

First, Yogi, a yoga card game that includes a variety of kids’ activities. 

While yoga and mindfulness are two distinct things, they share many elements. Yoga helps kids pay attention to their bodies and breath. It’s also a great activity when it’s too hot for a bike ride! The report from the ground was that they loved it. ​

​Next, My First Mandalas Coloring Book  and new markers from Crayola, Pip-Squeaks Skinnies. These washable markers are designed for little hands, and the box of 64 colors was met with complete and utter delight. SO MANY COLORS! Despite that, a certain three-year-old still colored her first mandala almost entirely in pink.

​The adorable board book, Mindfulness Moments for Kids: Breathe Like a Bear by Kira Willey, shares mindful meditation exercises for the very young. Anni Betts’ beautiful illustrations featuring a sweet bear cub show children how to feel calm. ​

A classic, The Important Book by Margaret Wise Brown, asks children to think deeply about the importance of everyday objects. The simple concept and colorful pictures resonated with the grandchildren: it’s been a repeated request at story time since they got it.  ​

And finally, ​A Handful of Quiet: Happiness in Four Pebbles, by Thich Nhat Hanh, shares the concept of mindfulness in a way that children can understand and practice. Pebble mediation is a simple practice that can relieve stress, increase concentration, nourish gratitude, and help children deal with difficult emotions. It’s a book we might all want to read!

I also sent a tiny gift for my daughter-in-law: some soap that smells like one of her favorite teas. My hope is that when she uses it, she will breathe deeply, remember she is loved, and find a mindful moment of joy—or at least peace!

Like any other skill, mindfulness takes practice to develop. Introducing it while they are young will help your grandchildren learn to understand their emotions and develop a useful tool for handling life’s stress. 

Do you practice mindfulness? Have you shared it with your grandchildren? Let us know in the comments!

Does mindfulness fit with your goals as a grandparent?

Finally! Covid restrictions had eased, we’d all been vaccinated, and we were going to spend a glorious six days with our grandchildren and their parents! It had been seven months since we’d seen them, and the baby had gone from a barely scooting bug to a fully walking toddler. We’d missed so much! I was determined to make the most of every day. I’d read Grandparenting: Renew, Relive, Rejoice and was committed to being fully present during the short time we’d have together.

Within a day, I realized I’d forgotten something crucial: being with small children is an endurance sport, and I’m not an endurance athlete. Trying to be fully present created an intense overload on my system, especially after the cocoon I’d been living in during Covid. So how could I use the lessons of mindfulness to deepen our relationship without ending up longing for the end of the visit? What was I doing wrong, that one day with my grandchildren left me exhausted?

That night, I reread my grandparent vision statement and Grand Plan*. No where did my grandparenting plan include being fully present at all times. What it did include was letting my grandchildren know they were important to me, and helping out my children as much as possible. I needed to take the principles of mindfulness and apply them to help me be the grandmother I wanted to be. There were five ways to be more mindful that I found fit well with my goals.

Grandparenting: RENEW, RELIVE, REJOICE is a simple, user-friendly guide to being more present in the moments you have with your grandchildren. It suggests practical, actionable activities to help you fully enjoy the time you have together. Students of mindfulness will be familiar with many of the techniques, but even mindfulness masters will appreciate the suggestions for sharing those techniques with your grandchildren. 

The suggestions in early chapters seemed like common sense to me, but later chapters had activities that I look forward to trying with my grandchildren. I especially loved the section on listening, an area where we can all use some improvement! Generously interspersed with the mindfulness suggestions are charming anecdotes from grandparents. If you love reading stories that make you go, “Aww”, you will enjoy this book for the stories alone.

If you are a grandparent who has been curious about mindfulness, this book would be a great place to start. It’s probably most helpful to grandparents who see their grandchildren often and regularly, though some of the ideas would work during infrequent visits, as well.

Ready to be a more mindful grandparent? Order it today!

If you’ve read it, please share your thoughts about the book in the comments!

​A Secret Weapon for Connection with Your Grandkids

Did you read about my grandparenting vision statement? One of my core beliefs is that my purpose is to teach my grandchildren to explore the world. This can be hard as a long-distance grandparent, especially during a pandemic. I’d love to regularly take them on trips around their town—or mine (or anyone’s really!). I’d like to point out the constellations, show them the difference between a lake and an ocean, and tell them about all the places we’ve lived. I wish we could sit down with maps and make plans for where to explore next. Unfortunately, that’s not something that can happen as regularly as I’d like.

So recently, I sent a box full of ways for them to plan and explore the world from their house. How will this foster connection? Knowing where you are in the world, and where the people you love are, helps make sense of the universe. It creates a framework for conversations, and a springboard for future plans. Plus, it shows them that I value exploration, while giving them something new to learn and do!
​
Here’s what I included:

I also sent maps: this set of United States, world and solar system maps, and a local street map of their city so they could find where they lived. They were a big hit, as was this compass!

And finally, I sent materials to make their own maps: some graph paper and colored pencils. My grandson worked hard on his map of his house and yard, but you'll have to follow me on Instagram to see the exciting backyard he designed!

Family traditions are important--and can teach your grandchildren valuable lessons.

When our children were small, we saved our spare change all year long in a special jar. Every December, we’d count and roll the coins, then take the kids to the toy store. There, they’d each get to choose what to buy with their share of the money we’d collected. Their decisions were never easy—they each thought long and hard about what they might want if they only got one toy for Christmas.

After everyone had figured out how to spend their allotment, we’d take our toys to the checkout stand. Every year, a surprised cashier always happily took our payment despite it being entirely in change.
​
The final step was letting each child put the new toys they had selected in the box for Toys for Tots. Granted, the year my youngest was not quite two, she had to be coerced to give up the baby doll she had chosen! I still have a very clear mental image of the longing look on her face as we walked away from the donation box.

For parents with small children, Covid-19 has made life both harder and easier. Gone are the pressures of playdates and scheduling naps around outings. But for many, those have been replaced by long, lonely days at home. Mom and Dad are frazzled, the kids have cabin fever, and everyone is in need of a break from the monotony.

One of the ways I’ve tried to make things a little easier for my family is with “virtual field trips”. The trip to the art museum and the virtual summer vacation were both a big hit, so this time I sent them on a virtual trip to the zoo.

Once again, I looked for items that would do more than provide a few moments of fun and then add to the clutter. Here’s what I included:
​

​Grandparents Can Be the Superheroes This Halloween

What will Halloween look like for your grandchildren this year? Because of Covid, Halloween parties are out, and trick-or-treating is being discouraged in many communities. There are a lot of little ghosts and goblins that are going to be disappointed this year—unless someone comes to the rescue!
​​
Grandparents, here’s your chance! Why not start a new family Halloween tradition with one of the following ideas?