What new grandparents need to know to be a valued member of the club!

Congratulations and Welcome to the Grandparents’ Club! You have been selected for membership by someone close to you. While this is most likely one of your adult children, there are other paths to membership. Read on to discover what new grandparents need to know about this exciting club.
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Eligibility

1. You can be granted membership by one of your children. It does not matter if you feel you are too young to be a grandparent. Nor does it matter whether you believe your child is ready for parenthood, wish they had waited until you retire, or don’t understand why they are moving across the country just as you are made a member of the club. Once you are granted membership, you’re in.
2. You can marry a grandparent and have instant access to the Grandparents’ Club. This path may be more difficult, as there are probably already several members in your chapter of the club. Make sure you spend more time watching and listening to get a sense of how you can best take advantage of the privileges of your membership.
3. You can become an honorary member by adopting a nearby family who doesn’t have local grandparents. (Note: this should not be done without their consent.)

No matter what led you to our club, you now have full benefits and privileges as outlined below.
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Grandparents’ Club Benefits

• As a member of the Grandparents’ Club, your heart, as the Grinch’s did on Christmas day, will grow three sizes on the day your grandchild is born. It will continue to expand with any succeeding grandchildren.
• You can once again experience the world through the eyes of a child, just as you did when you were a parent. This time around, however, you will have the time to enjoy it.
• You will have a new source of hugs, air kisses, funny sayings, art work, and love.
• You will have a new partner for adventures, a fresh audience for family stories, and a repository for the legacy you hope to leave.
• You will likely have a new name which can be emblazoned on mugs, t-shirts and kitschy signs to display by your front door. 

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Grandparents’ Club Privileges

• You will be allowed to show off pictures of your new grandchild to all friends, coworkers and neighbors as well as your hairdresser, administrative staff at the doctor’s office, and the bartender at your favorite watering hole.
• You can now enter Carter’s, Gymboree and Janie & Jack rather than just window shop. However, caution is advised in all visits, as it is very easy to buy more than a child is physically able to wear during any single stage of growth.
• Other privileges as assigned by the Chapter Leader (see Club Structure, below) may include: baby snuggling, reading stories, outings for ice cream, sleepovers, and visits to the playground, zoo or art museum. 

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Grandparents' Club Rules
Membership in the Grandparents’ Club is irrevocable; however, you may have any and all privileges stripped at any time by the Chapter Leader. It is key, therefore, to familiarize yourself with these rules and abide by them at all times.

• Never say “We did/didn’t do it that way and you turned out fine” or any variation thereof.
• Never offer unsolicited advice to parents. If you are asked, always offer your advice as an idea that may or not be helpful.
• They may be your monkeys, but it’s not your circus. Never forget that you don’t get to make the rules, but that you must follow them.
• Don’t compete with the other grandparents. Grandparents competing with each other makes life harder for parents. Focus on your own relationship with your grandchild and let any other grandparents focus on theirs.
• Always respect the parents’ decisions about raising their child. If you can’t understand them, ask them to educate you. If you still think they are crazy, look at is as an opportunity to be saintly by not saying anything about it ever again. 

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Grandparents’ Club Structure
While the Grandparents’ Club is a global group, it is made up of individual chapters comprised of:

1. Chapter Leaders: the leaders of each chapter are the parent or parents of your grandchild. They have ultimate authority and responsibility, and as such, should be respected and appreciated.
2. Chapter Members: members include all grandparents and grandchildren.
3. Affiliate Members: This may include aunts and uncles, nannies and close friends who impact or are impacted by the actions of chapter members.

Make sure you familiarize yourself with all the members of your chapter of the Grandparents’ Club, and take the time to educate yourself about how to be a useful member of the club. See New Member Orientation below.
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Grandparents’ Club New Member Orientation
New members will be tempted to focus on shopping and picture sharing during the first months of membership. For long-term success, it’s best to augment those activities with some education about their role in this new club. There are several helpful books, but the quickest way to learn what new grandparents need to know is by taking advantage of New Grandparent Essentials, which we developed especially for this purpose. It will ensure you have all the information, strategies, and support you need to be a valued member of your chapter of the New Grandparents’ Club.  Find out more about it here.

(Skipping New Member Orientation can lead to hurt feelings, unexpressed tension, misunderstandings, chapter drama, and in extreme cases, estrangement. Should you wish to avoid these outcomes, it is recommended that you take advantage of the resources offered on this website and in New Grandparent Essentials.)
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​Welcome again to the greatest club in the world!

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​An explanation of baby-led weaning for grandparents

I was a little alarmed one day during our FaceTime call to see my 8-month-old granddaughter gnawing on a large piece of pear. She only had four teeth, and those weren’t even good for chewing! Why wasn’t she being fed easy-to-swallow applesauce or something like that? Knowing that my son and daughter-in-law wouldn’t purposely endanger their child, I asked them to educate me.

“Have you heard of baby-led weaning?” my daughter-in-law asked. When I admitted I hadn’t, she shared a little information. After reading more about it, I realized she wasn’t the only parent faced with how to explain baby led weaning to grandparents.

One of the challenges of being a grandparent is accepting that the way we did things as parents might not have been the best way possible. Such is the case with baby-led weaning vs purees. It was the accepted standard to feed our babies smoothly pureed foods, usually starting with rice cereal. Research now shows there is a better way, and baby-led weaning is gaining in popularity.  

Spoon-feeding purees to babies is something that became the norm in the late 1940’s, when the advice was to start solids at four months. Now we know that a baby’s digestive system isn’t ready for solid food until 6 months or later, and that earlier introduction to solid foods increases the likelihood of allergies.  ​

First off, “Baby-led weaning” is a somewhat misleading name, because weaning is only part of the equation. Personally, I prefer the alternate term “baby-led feeding”, because that’s the main focus of the concept. The idea is that by providing a wide variety of appropriate finger foods, parents allow babies to choose what and how much to eat. This exposes them to a wide variety of tastes and textures, and allows them to form a healthy relationship to food. One study reported that “Baby-led weaning promotes healthy food preferences in early childhood, which may protect against obesity.” ​

​By offering solids to babies in addition to their regular intake of breast milk or formula, babies are in charge of how much of each they consume. A baby will naturally start relying more on solid foods and less on milk when they are ready, usually close to their first birthday. 

Choking can happen with any food at any age. It’s vital to understand and follow the guidance on when a baby is ready for solids and which foods to begin with. (See below for some resources on those points.) Following those guidelines will minimize the chance of choking, but will not eliminate it. Close supervision during meals is necessary, and parents and caregivers should be educated about how to help a choking child. (Start with this blog post to know why!) 
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But it’s also important to understand the difference between choking, when food blocks the airway completely, and gagging, which is a normal reflex to prevent choking. According to experts, the gag reflex is very close to the front of the mouth in a young baby, meaning they will gag long before the food is far enough back to block their throat. As the baby gets older, the reflex moves farther back in the mouth. Baby-led weaning helps them learn to chew and swallow while the reflex is still in a place in their mouth that helps prevent choking.

This blog post, like all information on our website, is meant to give grandparents insight into what parents want them to know. It’s not meant to provide information that grandparents should then use to try to educate parents. If your adult children are using a different feeding method, that’s fine. There’s no need to try to convince them that baby-led weaning is better. Depending on your relationship with them, it may be fine to ask if they’ve heard of it. Only if they show curiosity should you share what you’ve learned. It may be better to just share a link to a website and let them take it from there. 

Are there other new trends that have left you confused? Let me know in the comments!

Further reading
The definitive book on baby-led weaning by Gill Rapley,  Baby-Led Weaning

A thorough explanation of baby-led weaning and what it entails. 

More on baby-led weaning from the Cleveland Clinic, in case you want a more official site. 

An interesting history of baby food. 

​How grandparents can help new parents (even from a distance)

Do you remember those early holidays as a new family? There was so much to do! Decorating the house, buying and wrapping gifts, traveling or prepping for guests, planning meals and baking cookies and making memories! All on top of the day-to-day chaos of the baby and toddler years. For some reason, the elves never showed up to help with the dishes, or the gift wrapping, or anything at all! Luckily, grandparents can help new parents in a variety of ways during the holidays, whether they live close by or far away.
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If you live close by, there are lots of things you can do to help new parents. Here are some things you might offer to do:

• Drop off meals. Having a stocked freezer or a night off from cooking can be a big relief.
• Let them know when you are on the way to the store and ask if they need anything.
• Offer to watch kids for a shopping night or holiday parties (but don’t be insulted if they say no).
• Ask what they are having trouble crossing off their to-do list, and offer to help with it.

The key is to help out without making things harder for them. Having them over for dinner gives them a break from cooking, but it also creates another obligation on their time and energy. They might like having someone else do the grocery shopping, or they might like having someone watch the baby while they go to the store all by themselves. It’s easy to figure out what to do: just ask, listen, and then respect their answer. 
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If you live at a distance and will be visiting for the holidays, your ability to help will be more limited, especially if your visit is short. Your focus should be on making your visit as easy as possible for them. Here are some tips:

• Come without demands. The shorter the visit, the more important this is. A holiday visit isn’t the time to insist you take the baby for photos with Santa, or that Christmas brunch won’t be complete without your mother’s traditional cranberry crêpes.
• Be willing helpers. Let them know ahead of time you hope to be useful while you are there.
• Offer to stay at a hotel. House guests, no matter how helpful, are draining. Time alone can be a blessing for all of you.
• Offer to cook a meal or pay for takeout, and then clean up afterwards.

See the rest of our suggestions for holiday visits in our post, What Parents Want Grandparents to Know About Celebrating Holidays in 2021.
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If you live at a distance and won’t be visiting, there are still ways to help new parents. Here are a few ideas:

• Consider giving them a gift that will help with holiday meals. Send a fully baked-ham, an Edible Arrangement, or a local restaurant gift card.
• Offer to pay for help. Meal delivery, laundry services, housekeeping—it can all be arranged from a distance. See our suggestions for household help that can lighten the load for new parents here.
• Ask if they’d like you to pay for someone to help with holiday errands like standing in line at the post office. You can even hire out gift wrapping!
• Share your hopes for virtual time together, but let them know you are flexible and will take whatever you can get. 

​You can see more ideas on how to help new parents from a distance in our discussion of creative ways to help new parents when grandparents can’t be there.
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Whether you are near or far, new parents will appreciate your help at the holidays, as long as it is help they really need. If you’ve set up good communication habits, you won’t have any trouble finding out what you can do to make their holiday brighter.

(If you have trouble communicating openly, check out New Grandparent Essentials!)
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Ideas for Your Grandchild's First Christmas 
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Baby’s first Christmas! It’s so exciting for everyone involved—except, most often, the baby. Whether they are a newborn or nearly a year old, your grandbaby is not likely to enjoy this Christmas as much as future ones! That doesn’t mean you can’t make the holiday special, however. Here are some fun ways to include your new grandbaby in your Christmas celebration. 
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Baby’s First Christmas Gift Ideas
It really doesn’t matter if there is a gift wrapped and sitting under the tree. Your grandbaby won’t care or remember, which is why so many of our suggestions in our last post, 6 Surefire Gifts for Babies, are for experiences over “things”. If you are looking for Baby's First Christmas gift ideas, that’s a good place to start.

Another idea for baby’s first Christmas present is to start a gift tradition. Start a collection on their behalf, and add to it each Christmas. It makes gift buying easy and provides them with something special when they are grown. Read our ideas for annual gifts here.
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Baby's First Christmas Outfit
It's hard to resist a baby in a set of “My 1st Christmas” pajamas. There are so many to choose from that I had trouble picking a favorite to share! I finally landed on this set, but you may find one you like better! Click here for a whole bunch of options. 

Christmas Books for Babies
There are a wide variety of Christmas board books out there. These are full of bright pictures and simple text. Some of them have flaps to lift or textures to touch and feel. They are all sturdy and easy to hold, making them the best books for baby’s first Christmas:

​Baby’s First Christmas Ornament
An ornament marking baby’s first Christmas is a lovely gift. Keep your eye out for a handmade one if you go to any local Christmas craft fairs, or order one from Etsy or Amazon. You can get one that says “Baby’s 1st Christmas, or get one personalized with their name. Or just get one with the year, like this beautiful silver sleigh bell by Wallace.  Choosing an ornament each year is a popular way to help your grandchild decorate their first tree when they are an adult! 

While it’s tempting to keep your attention focused on baby’s first Christmas, remember it’s also your adult child’s first Christmas as a parent. Don’t forget to make them feel special, too! Let them lead the celebration, and clear all gifts with them. Make sure you’ve read What Parents Want Grandparents to Know About Celebrating Holidays in 2021 to make sure you can all enjoy the festivities.

Enjoy this first Christmas as grandparents, and don’t forget to make sure you get a photo of you with your grandchild if you are lucky enough to be there in person. They will treasure that photo someday!
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The holidays are approaching, and you are beginning to get excited about celebrating with your grandchildren. Meanwhile, your grandchildren’s parents are beginning to worry. Why? Because they know there are bound to be conflicts with you over the hot spots that holidays bring. 

And let’s be honest, you are a little worried, too. There are a lot of logistics to work out if you are having visitors, or visiting your grandchildren. The meal planning alone is stressful—not to mention the cooking!

So how do you prepare for a holiday season that maximizes the joy and minimizes the stress?

As with everything, it’s vital that you start with an open conversation with your adult children. Don't skip this step! Most of the stress and disappointment around holidays comes from unmet expectations. Taking the time to share your desires and listen to those of your adult kids will set the stage for a holiday everyone can enjoy.

Here are some of the topics you should discuss:
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Hot topic #1: Visits

Why? Don’t assume that your adult children want to continue to return to your home year after year, or that they want you to visit. Life gets more and more complicated as families grow, and it’s important that you let them know you want to follow their lead on this. As one parent pointed out, even if the holidays look different from years past, you’ll still be making memories. Ask them where would they would like to spend the holidays, and if they would welcome visitors or not.

Keep in mind that many parents are extra cautious about visitors and traveling with children who haven’t been vaccinated for Covid-19. Respect that they are following the advice of their health care professionals, and express your support for their decision to prioritize their child’s health. As with all parenting choices that they make, you don’t have to agree or understand their reasoning to support them. 

Hot topic #2: Gifts

Why? When we polled parents, 75% of them wanted grandparents to listen to what they say about gifts. They expressed frustration about both the choice of gifts and the sheer amount of stuff. Ask if they have any suggestions for a gift, and be honest about whether you can accommodate the request. Once you’ve asked, don’t go on to ignore their answer. To parents, having their input completely ignored feels disrespectful.

Hot topic #3: Meals
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Why? Many grandparents shared that planning meals is one of the most stressful parts of the holiday planning. Taking the time to discuss expectations for things like meal times, foods to avoid, and what help you’ll need can reduce the stress immensely. 

After you’ve had these conversations, there’s one more step before you start planning. Go download our free holiday gift to you: A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays. It's filled with tips and strategies for making the holiday season as stress-free as possible. It includes tested, parent-approved tips for:

• Holiday Visits and Visitors
• Making Meals Memorable (for the right reasons!)
• Grand Gift Giving
• Continuing Traditions ​

For even more peace and calm, we’ve put together the Happy Holidays Bonus Pack with everything you need to plan stress-free holidays with the family.
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You'll get handy, customizable templates for organizing:

• Meal planning and shopping lists
• Gift lists
• Budgeting
• Enlisting helpers

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NOW you are ready to start planning! And if you’ve taken time to talk to your grandchild’s parents and listened to their answers, your planning will lead to a holiday filled with joy, peace and lots of magical memories. 

​Read this quick post before you make your holiday plans!

Getting ready to plan for the holidays? For many of us, it’s been two years since we were able to gather with our families to celebrate year-end holidays. Babies have been born, and gathering has new risks and protocols. Parents are worried about grandparents visiting the new baby, and grandparents are worried about what they need to do to make visits to their house go smoothly!
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That’s why we created our newest freebie, "A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays". It's 12 pages filled with tips and strategies to make sure you can enjoy the holidays without the stress! It includes suggestions for all the topics that can lead to holiday stress and disappointment:

• Holiday Visits and Visitors
• Making Meals Memorable (for the right reasons!)
• Grand Gift Giving
• Continuing Traditions

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For even more peace and calm, we created the Holiday Bonus Pack. It includes everything you need to organize happy holidays with the family. You'll get customizable templates for:

• Meal planning and shopping lists
• Gift lists
• Budgeting
• Enlisting helpers

​When the Holiday Bonus Pack is coupled with A Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays, you’ll have everything you need to make the 2021 holiday season the best one yet! Make sure you grab it before you start your planning!

Get your free copy now!

​When should grandparents speak up if they are worried about their grandchild’s health or safety?

It’s normal to sometimes worry about our grandchildren. That’s what we do when there is someone we love!

But what do you do if you are truly worried about their health or safety, and you can’t decide whether to speak up? Being an interfering grandparent can carry a high price, and it may not be one you want to pay. Before you start a conversation with your grandchild’s parents, here are some things to consider.

Detach yourself

First, take your relationship out of the equation. If this were an acquaintance’s child, would you tell them they need to make their child wear a helmet when they are on their bike? If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn’t say anything.
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If it is yes, then you have to consider if this is an issue worth making waves about. No matter how solid your relationship with your adult children is, your criticism will be hard for them to take. While you may view speaking up as concern, telling your son you don’t think it’s safe for the kids to play in the front yard unsupervised is a criticism of his parenting choices. 

​I had a vision in my mind about what grandparenting was like from watching my own grandparents, and then my parents and in-laws as they grandparented my children. I thought I knew what grandparenting was all about, or at least what it would look like.
 
Our life was 1200 miles from both sets of grandparents in a pre-internet and cellphone era, so we did not have the advantage of having them in our lives regularly. We supplemented with videos, letters and phone calls, but realistically, Grandparenting looked like long-distance relationships and occasional visits for my children.
 
My father once remarked, “You shouldn’t have to be introduced to your grandchildren.” I felt the same regret at not having those close relationships. To complicate matters, my first child took a while to warm to having semi-strangers in her space —strangers that desperately wanted to spend their time and attention on her. More than once she’d finally let them befriend her on the last day of their visit, only to have them leave again. And we would repeat the whole process the next time they arrived.
 
When my first grandson was born, he lived far away. Fortunately, I had access to Skymiles and took advantage of the opportunity that my circumstances allowed by visiting often. The blessing of technology allowed me to be “there” nearly daily (and some days more than once) through FaceTime calls which filled in as the next best thing when I couldn’t be there in person.
 
I would spend a few days and then return to my life at home which was quiet. Other than regular FaceTime calls, and an occasional visit, my life and my grandparenting life were separated. The toys were tucked away, there were no goldfish crackers and applesauce pouches in my pantry, and the Pack ’n Play grew dust on the top shelf of the closet.
 
Recently,  job change opportunities for my kids brought all my grandkids close to home and that meant a series of new grandparenting pivots. One of my grandkids and his parents moved in with us for a short time while they were navigating housing, which meant I got to grandparent full time. The quiet house was filled with a new level of activity that all revolved around a 1-year-old grandchild. Safety gates went up, the toys took a central stage, diapers piled up in the trash bin, and the basket of children’s books grew. Mealtimes, naptimes, and bedtimes all became a part of the daily rhythm of life. My other grandchild lived a short drive away, and we wore a steady path on the road between our homes. Weekends were full of family and grandkids and the resulting chaos of clamoring cousins and a home full of family. Now, instead of being separated from grandparenting, my life revolved around my grandparenting.