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Today's post was written by Emily Morgan, host of the The Grand Life: Wholehearted Grandparenting podcast.  Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy, author of parenting guide Good Inside, seems to have struck a nerve with a whole generation of millennial parents. Although she’s not the first to prescribe something generally known as Gentle Parenting, she is one of its most popular proponents. The premise, that every child is good inside and that we must treat them with the respect they deserve, triggers the grandparenting baby-boomer generation in a particular way, especially if we were reared and then reared our own children with an authoritarian bent.
The old adages “do as I say,” and “because I told you to” just don't cut it with Kennedy. Nor does it fly with her over one million followers on social media who quote her like the Bible and refer to her simply as Dr. Becky. “Underneath bad behavior is a good child,” she writes. That philosophy would not have flown in my own upbringing either. I was born into a Baptist home and, consequently, into a belief system that supported the biblical notion that my sin nature (original sin) existed in me from the beginning. As Psalm 51:5 of the Bible states, “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” I didn’t stand a chance of being considered good inside. Guilt was my friend from day one, and it was assumed that when I said something that sounded wrong, I was probably lying. When I questioned any authority, especially a parent, I was considered rebellious. I learned early on that my heart was really not to be trusted to do the right thing, say the right thing, or have pure motives about much. I was born a Baptist, yes, but as an adult I no longer embrace those doctrines. However, pushing aside the feelings that I still get when I do something as a 60-year-old that was considered “bad” in my upbringing—drinking a glass of wine, going to an R-rated movie—those actions often evoke a cascade of guilt. It’s hard to rebel. Just ask an Amish kid during Rumspringa. For much of my life, my worth was predicated on how much of who I am could be emptied out and replaced with a righteousness that I didn’t naturally possess. If I left those doctrines behind, who was I really? Dr. Becky actually addresses this deep-rooted shame and guilt when she explains that the early years matter. “Even if kids can’t remember with their words, they can—and do—remember with something more powerful: their bodies. Before they can talk, children learn, based on interactions with their parents, what feels acceptable or shameful, manageable or overwhelming. In this way, our “memories” from early childhood are in fact more powerful than the memories we form in our later years; the way parents interact with kids in their early years form the blueprint they take with them into the world.”
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A review of Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy As an Amazon affiliate, I may receive a commission for purchases made through these links at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping to keep this site ad-free.  “Understanding has one goal: connection. And because connecting to our kids is how they learn to regulate their emotions and feel good inside, understanding will come up over and over again as a goal of communication.”
As you can tell by the title, Good Inside is a parenting book, not a book about grandparenting. When I set out to read it for a chat with Emily and Mike Morgan for The Grand Life Podcast, I didn’t plan to review it for you. Normally, I review grandparenting books, and books for your grandchildren. I don’t review parenting books. Yet here I am, reviewing a parenting book--because I think grandparents should read it. Why should grandparents read this review, and then read this book? Two reasons. One, it may help you understand how your grandchildren are being raised. And two, it may help you improve the relationships you have with…well, everyone. Let’s address the first reason. Good Inside is a how-to book for parents who want to raise their children with an emphasis on connection rather than control. Dr. Kennedy, like many modern parenting experts, believes that the healthiest way to raise a child is to help them learn to regulate their emotions, their moods, and eventually their actions. By recognizing that a child’s actions are age-appropriate expressions of their emotions, a parent can strive for connection rather than control. This approach is the basis for parenting philosophies like positive parenting and gentle parenting. It doesn’t mean parents don’t set boundaries; in fact, strong boundaries are a crucial part of the picture. If your children are following one of these current parenting trends, reading Good Inside will help you understand and support them as they raise your grandchildren. As for the second reason grandparents should read this book: it contains simple wisdom that will help you better communicate with your spouse, your parents, your children, your boss, your employees, your neighbors, your friends…you get the picture. Dr. Kennedy has two easy-to-remember mantras that make true connection possible. One is the “Most Generous Interpretation” or MGI. This is the idea that in any situation, thinking the best of the person instead of the worst will help you respond in a kind way. For parents, this may be recognizing that the child who pushed a toddler off the slide is not a bad kid, and not a product of bad parenting. Instead, it’s a child who is having a hard time, and acting badly because of it. Try summoning the MGI next time you are cut off in traffic by an inconsiderate driver. What if, instead of swearing that they need to do something about giving licenses to idiots, you think of a scenario that explains their action in a generous light: maybe they are distracted because they just got bad new on a phone call. Maybe they are racing to pick up their wife who called to say she’s in labor. Doing this won’t change the fact they cut you off, but it is likely to make you feel calmer and less upset. Applying this same principal to the people in your life will help you treat them with grace and respect. The other principal that Dr Kennedy encourages parents to embrace is the idea that “Two Things Are True.” You’ll see in this paragraph from her book why this will help you in all your relationships: Building strong connections relies on the assumption that no one is right in the absolute, because understanding, not convincing, is what makes people feel secure in a relationship. What do I mean by understanding and not convincing? Well, when we seek to understand, we attempt to see and learn more about another person’s perspective, feelings, and experience. We essentially say to that person, “I am having one experience and you are having a different experience. I want to get to know what’s happening for you.” It doesn’t mean you agree or comply (these would imply a “one thing is true” perspective), or that we are “wrong” or our truth doesn’t hold; it means we are willing to put our own experience aside for a moment to get to know someone else’s. When we approach someone with the goal of understanding, we accept that there isn’t one correct interpretation of a set of facts, but rather multiple experiences and viewpoints. A good portion of Good Inside is made up of advice for specific behavior struggles. Grandparents may find this less interesting, unless they are involved in day-to-day care for their grandchildren. Because of this, you may hesitate to buy the book. My suggestion? Buy a copy and pass it on to your kids when you are done. Don’t tell them you think it’s how they should parent, just let them know you found it interesting and would love to know what they think after they’ve read it. It's likely to be a great conversation! Speaking of conversations, make sure you’ve subscribed to The Grand Life wherever you get your podcasts so you don’t miss the episode where I discuss this book and more with Emily & Mike Morgan.
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Every year, the very first thing I do to prepare my house for Christmas is bring out our collection of Christmas books. There’s an incredibly tattered board book called “What Did Santa Bring?” which has survived since my son’s first Christmas over 30 years ago. There are four or five different versions of The Night Before Christmas, several editions of the story of the first Christmas, and an elaborate pop-up Christmas alphabet book that belongs in a museum which my beloved great-aunt gave us one year. There are books featuring snowmen, candy canes, woodland creatures, and Babar. There are big books and tiny books. There are more books than we can read in one holiday season—and I can’t get rid of any of them.
As soon as I had grandchildren, I started building their Christmas book collection. I try to limit myself to one book a year, knowing how quickly a collection grows. This year, they’ll be getting The Jolly Christmas Postman, which I actually bought three years ago and have been saving until they are old enough to appreciate it. It’s always so hard to choose! In the hopes that you’ll start a Christmas book tradition for your grandbaby, we’ve sorted through the overwhelming number of titles to find the ones that will stand the test of time. Read on for all titles we recommend for baby’s first Christmas.
Moo, Baa, Fa La La La La!
Ah, what would a list of best board books be without something from Sandra Boynton? She doesn’t disappoint with Moo, Baa, Fa La La La La!, which features her classic characters and signature bouncy rhymes. It’s impossible to read without smiling—and will elicit smiles from your grandchild. Buy it on Amazon. 
The First Christmas
If you are looking for a story about the birth of Jesus, this is a perfect first book. It tells the story of the first Christmas in simple words and charming pictures that will captivate your grandchild. This will definitely become a favorite. Buy it on Amazon. 
Mary Engelbreit’s A Merry Little Christmas Board Book: Celebrate from A to Z
The delightful Mary Engelbreit illustrations shine in this alphabetical Christmas story. The words themselves aren’t as lyrical as the original full-sized hardcover book, but that edition is no longer in print. The board book, with its sweet story about the mouse family’s Christmas, is still well worth buying for your grandbaby! Buy now on Amazon. 
Room for a Little One: A Christmas Tale
In this beautiful take on the nativity story, animals seeking shelter are welcomed into the manger, with Mary on the donkey’s back appearing last. The theme of kindness and sharing come through, and it will be a requested book for years to come. Buy it on Amazon. 
Baby Touch and Feel: Merry Christmas
Perfect for the youngest babies! This DK Christmas board book has pictures and textures that will fascinate your grandbaby. It’s sized for little hands, and designed to be handled roughly! It’s a perfect way to introduce the sights of Christmas while developing early motor and language skills. Buy it on Amazon. 
Christmas in the Manger
The first Christmas is also the subject of this delightful book, which is told from the perspective of the animals in the manger. The illustrations are clean and bright, and the rhythmic words are a pleasure to read—and reread! Buy it on Amazon. 
Dear Santa: A Lift-the-Flap Book
Rod Campbell’s lively drawings will delight your grandchild as Santa searches for the perfect gift for a special someone. Babies and toddlers love lifting the flaps to see what gifts are considered before the perfect one is revealed at the end. Buy it on Amazon.
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How grandparents can help new parents (even from a distance)
This post was originally published in December 2021. It has been updated and expanded for this year!
Do you remember those early holidays as a new family?
I clearly remember the coordination it took to get our family across the country (or the world!) so that we could be with the grandparents for Christmas. Shipping gifts, dealing with time zone changes with a baby, trying to fit in everyone’s requests for time with the baby—I was perpetually exhausted. But it was still worth it! Even if there is no travel involved, there is so much to do! Decorating the house, buying and wrapping gifts, prepping for guests, planning meals and baking cookies and making memories! All on top of the day-to-day chaos of the baby and toddler years. For some reason, the elves never show up to help with the dishes, or the gift wrapping, or anything at all! Luckily, grandparents can help new parents in a variety of ways during the holidays, whether they live close by or far away. But be warned, grandparents can also make life harder for new parents. Read on to find out how to be helpful without adding to the stress of being a new parent. Helping new parents when you live nearby
If you live close by, there are lots of things you can do to help new parents. Here are some things you might offer to do:
The key is to help out without making things harder for them. Having them over for dinner gives them a break from cooking, but it also creates another obligation on their time and energy. They might like having someone else do the grocery shopping, or they might like having someone watch the baby while they go to the store all by themselves. It’s easy to figure out what to do: just ask, listen, and then respect their answer.
Helping new parents when they visit
Make travel easier. The less parents need to bring with them, the more likely they are to repeat the journey next year. Having basic equipment at your house can make their life easier, so find out what they’ll need. Things like
Having car seats properly installed for airport pickup will earn you major bonus points! Just make sure you’ve got the right size seat, and that it’s installed in compliance with both the seat manufacturer and your car’s owner manual. Keep things simple. This is not the time to attempt lots of outings or make promises to visit friends and neighbors. While you are welcome to schedule your own activities, check with parents before making plans on their behalf. Keep the focus on spending time together. Lighten their load. New parents should get a pass on doing a fair share of the holiday work. Offering to watch the baby while they do the dishes is not a fair trade. They will have plenty of years to balance the scales, so try not to make too many demands on their time this year. Keep your gift giving in check. Parents’ number one complaint about grandparents at the holidays is to stop buying so many gifts. Read this post before buying anything, and then have a conversation with the parents. Offer to ship gifts home to them so they don’t have to try to pack them all in their luggage. Helping new parents when you visit
If you live at a distance and will be visiting for the holidays, your ability to help will be more limited, especially if your visit is short. Your focus should be on making your visit as easy as possible for them. Here are some tips:
Come without demands. The shorter the visit, the more important this is. A holiday visit isn’t the time to insist you take the baby for photos with Santa, or that Christmas brunch won’t be complete without your mother’s traditional cranberry crêpes. Be willing helpers. Let them know ahead of time you hope to be useful while you are there. Ask them to think of a list of things they could delegate, and write them down in advance. Offer to stay at a hotel. House guests, no matter how helpful, are draining. Time alone can be a blessing for all of you. We have often found an AirBnB in the same neighborhood as our grandchildren, which is an economical and convenient solution. Offer to cook a meal or pay for takeout, and then clean up afterwards. See the rest of our suggestions for holiday visits in our post, What Parents Want Grandparents to Know About Celebrating Holidays. Helping new parents when you are far away
If you live at a distance and won’t be visiting, there are still ways to help new parents. Here are a few ideas:
Give an edible gift. Consider giving them a gift that will help with holiday meals. Send a fully baked-ham, an Edible Arrangement, or a local restaurant gift card. Offer to pay for help. Meal delivery, laundry services, housekeeping—it can all be arranged from a distance. See our suggestions for household help that can lighten the load for new parents here. Gift the gift of a gofer. Ask if they’d like you to pay for someone to help with holiday errands like standing in line at the post office. You can even hire out gift wrapping! Be flexible about virtual time together. Share your hopes for video chats, but let them know you are flexible and will take whatever you can get. Often, it's nearly impossible to carve out time for a phone call on the holiday itself. You can see more ideas on how to help new parents from a distance in our discussion of creative ways to help new parents when grandparents can’t be there.
Whether you are near or far, new parents will appreciate your help at the holidays, as long as it is help they really need. If you’ve set up good communication habits, you won’t have any trouble finding out what you can do to make their holiday brighter.
For more ways to help new parents and make the holidays merry for all, get A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays, on sale now! What grandparents need to know about holiday safety hazards  Are you planning to spend time this holiday season with your grandbaby? If so, I’m jealous—it’s the other grandparents’ turn this year. On the other hand, this means that we won’t have any visitors that we need to keep away from the sparkling tree, and we can leave candles on the coffee table! When there are small children in the house during holiday gatherings, there are a lot of hazards that we need to minimize. Whether you are hosting or visiting, there are some holiday safety tips that will help to protect your grandchildren from those hazards. Make sure you read them all and follow these safety precautions during the holidays. Fire: Flames are enticing to small children and burns happen fast. Keep candles and matches out of reach, and gate off the fireplace or watch that baby like a hawk at all times. Never leave a child alone in a room with an open flame. Plants: While it’s a myth that poinsettias are poisonous, other holiday plants, like mistletoe, holly, and Jerusalem cherry are a danger to exploring babies and toddlers. Keep them out of reach. Choking hazards: The holiday home is usually filled with choking hazards. Anything that can fit through a toilet paper tube can cause a child to choke. Be vigilant about small toys, gift wrapping, decorations, button batteries, nuts, popcorn, hard candies, etc. Button batteries and hearing aid batteries: These are more than just a choking hazard. If swallowed, these round, flat batteries can be fatal. Button batteries are found in everything from children’s toys to your car key fob. Make sure they are not accessible. Alcohol: Large family gatherings often result in glasses of sweet tasting alcohol being left where a child can sample them. Remind adults to keep track of their drinks, and quickly clean up leftovers. Christmas tree: Grandchildren are understandably attracted to the Christmas tree. While you may not need to fence off the tree entirely, you do need to keep small and breakable baubles out of a child’s reach. Make sure you use a sturdy stand that can’t be tipped over. If you have a real tree, keep it well watered to minimize fire risk. Unplug tree lights at night and when you leave the house. Safety gear: If you are giving your grandchild a new bike, skates or scooter, make sure you provide safety gear. The only thing worse than getting hurt on your new bike is being told you can’t ride it until you get a helmet. Toys: Make sure toys are age appropriate: those suggested ages are often for safety reasons. Check for loose parts and choking hazards, and make sure any button battery compartments can only be opened with a screwdriver. Kitchen: A busy kitchen is never safe for small children, but during the holidays, cooks can be extra distracted. Make sure pot handles are turned away from the front of the stove and sharp knives aren’t left at the edge of the counter. Better yet, declare the cooking zone off-limits to kids and find a way to engage them in another room. Visitors bags: Purses, suitcases, and shopping bags are full of delights for an exploring toddler. They are also full of hazards, from medications to coins. Make sure any visitors’ bags are kept out of reach, and keep your medications where there is no chance a child can get to them. Up to 20 percent of pediatric poisonings involve a grandparent’s medication! Viruses: This year, in addition to seasonal flu and Covid-19, cases of RSV are extremely high. Babies and toddlers are especially vulnerable to this serious illness. Take extra precautions to make sure everyone in the family is doing all they can to minimize the chance of exposure, and be understanding if parents decide gatherings aren’t in the best interest of their children this year. Holiday gatherings are chaotic enough without worrying about a child being injured. Follow these holiday safety reminders to make sure your holidays memories are happy ones. You may also like:   What’s the secret to happy holidays with family? Having a well thought out holiday plan of attack.
When you’re a grandparent, holidays are even more complicated. There’s so much more to consider than planning your Thanksgiving menu and getting Christmas gifts for the grandkids. There are a lot of logistics to work out if you are having visitors, or visiting your grandchildren. The meal planning alone is stressful—not to mention the cooking! Your grandchildren’s parents are beginning to worry, too. Why? Because they know there are bound to be conflicts with you over the hot spots that holidays bring. So how do you prepare for a holiday season that will leave you with happy memories? As with everything, it’s vital that you start with an open conversation with your adult children. Most of the stress and disappointment around holidays comes from unmet expectations. Take the time to share what you hope will happen and listen to your adult kids about what works for them. A ten-minute conversation can prevent days of misunderstanding or resentment. It can set you up for happy holidays well into the future. The three main areas of holiday stress are visits, gifts and meals. Questions about these topics range from simple to complex:
We’ve answered all these questions, and a whole lot more, in A Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays. This 12-page PDF guide includes grandparent-tested and parent-approved advice on navigating the most common hot spots of family holidays, from juggling schedules to picky grandkids. We consulted with both grandparents and parents to make sure that we covered the all things that they worry about as holidays approach. Our guide will help you recognize issues you might not have thought of, and give you the chance to discuss them while you still have plenty of time to make holiday plans. Of course, a conversation is just the start. There will still be lots of holiday organizing to be done! That’s why we’ve included customizable, fillable worksheets for organizing every aspect of your holiday planning, from budgeting and gift-giving to getting help in the kitchen. You’ll get access to holiday planners in both Excel and Google Sheets so you can use whichever works best for you. When you buy A Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays, you’ll also get our exclusive cheat sheet, My Favorite Things, to help make sure you always give the best gifts! It goes beyond “what’s your favorite color?” to help you know what gifts your daughter-in-law or brother will really appreciate, so you don’t have to hope that a pine-scented candle is the perfect present. Just send them this fillable PDF and become the best giver-of-gifts in the family! While no holiday organizer, holiday plan checklist, or holiday planner can ensure a stress-free family celebration, A Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays will set you up for success. At under $10, it’s the cheapest holiday insurance on the market! Go get your copy today! You may also like:  What grandparents need to know before their grandchild’s first holiday Are you excited about the upcoming holidays with your new grandbaby? Have you already started (or finished!) your shopping? Have you booked your flights? Started worrying about how to keep the baby away from the tree? There is nothing quite like watching a new person experiencing the magic and wonder of our holiday traditions. The table overflowing with food, the lit candles on the menorah, the bulging stockings hanging from the mantle: each scene is better with a baby in it. I once saw a family who made a sleeping newborn the centerpiece on their Thanksgiving table! But as we all know, there’s a lot more to happy holiday gatherings than adding a baby to coo over. New grandparents have more to think about than what gifts to give. Lucky for you, we’ve got lots of tips and ideas for you! One of the hardest parts of the holidays for many grandparents is the realization that they may not get to spend it with their grandbaby. It may just be a matter of distance or finances. It may be that the other grandparents get priority. It may be that parents want to celebrate with just their small new family. The key to avoiding disappointment is to talk to the parents early on (like right now!) and share your hopes, find out what their vision is, and see how you can compromise if necessary. Alternating years, celebrating on a different date, or designating a different holiday as the time you spend together are all ways to keep the peace. Whatever you do, don’t make the parents feel as if they are disappointing you. The juggling they have to do to keep all the grandparents happy is hard enough without adding guilt to the mixture. If you are lucky enough to spend a holiday with that precious new grandchild, keep in mind that holiday visits rarely unfold as imagined. That candlelit dinner with the family gathered around it may be accompanied by the screams of a colicky baby. Parents may be exhausted and snappy. YOU may be exhausted and snappy! Also, whether they are a newborn or nearly a year old, your grandbaby is not likely to enjoy this holiday season as much as future ones. That doesn’t mean you can’t make the holiday special, however. For some fun ways to include your new grandbaby in your celebration, read this blog post about baby's first Christmas, and this one for baby's first Hanukkah. If you are looking for gift ideas, we’ve got our favorite gifts for babies here. Before you buy anything, though, read this post about giving too many gifts. Too many grandparents ignore parent requests to scale back, not realizing that it’s about far more than too much stuff. There are some compelling reasons to limit your gift giving. I’ll be surprised if you can read this post and still want to overindulge! No matter what your grandbaby’s age, however, you do need to think about holiday safety. From batteries that can be swallowed to crawling babies underfoot in the kitchen, there are extra hazards around holiday visits that we can prevent with a little preparation. Here’s a blog post from last year—I’ll be updating it soon, but you can read it now if you want to get a jump on holiday safety! We’ll be sharing more holiday content in the months to come, including our Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays, which goes on sale later this week. (Subscribers to our email list will get a special deal starting tomorrow, so if you’re not on the list, sign up now!) You may also like:
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