Gifts for long distance grandchildren can build connection.

​This guest post is by Kerry Byrne, PhD., founder of The Long Distance Grandparent.

When you take the time and spend the money on a gift, you want to get the most out of it in terms of creating moments and memories from a distance.
 
With a little creativity, you can give a gift to build connections around when you video chat.
 
Here’s how it works: You’ve talked to the parents, and they’ve shared that your grandchild wants a particular gift.
 
Let’s say your grandchild wants a play cash register (great gift option by the way!). You search the internet and the shops far and wide for the best cash register for their age.
 
You find the perfect cash register and send it. 
 
Now, buy one for yourself too, so you can play together on a video chat with your grandchild. A low-cost, secondhand version will do the trick. Or even make one out of a small box.
 
(Top Tip: If you are together for the gift giving event, wrap yours up too and, low and behold, you have received the same gift! You can play together while you are visiting, and then later when you video chat.)
 
But we want to make this gift work hard for its money!
 
After the gift giving frenzy dust settles, invite your grandchild to a video chat where you will play together with the gift.
 
For example, invite them to go shopping at your house. Set up a small shop with lightweight items you can mail to them afterwards. Ask them to ring up the items on their cash register. Or have them show up on the call with a shopping bag and they collect items for you to ring through your cash register.
 
This springboard effect can be extended to almost any gift you purchase.
 
A baby doll: you can take care of your babies together on a video chat. In the coming months, follow-up with clothes for baby doll or a wee bottle.
 
A dump truck: You can fill your dump trucks up together and unload them. And in the future, you can send them a small packet of dinosaurs or cotton balls to ‘load’ into the truck together. You guessed it, buy a small packet for yourself too.
 
Pokémon cards – if you buy yourself some, you can talk about them together and tap into their expertise to better understand them. Collecting the same things your grandchild loves to collect is a great way to bond.
 
For older grandchildren, perhaps you were asked to pick up a jersey from a sports team or a player they love? Buy yourself one and show up on a video chat wearing it or take a picture of yourself in the jersey and make it into a postcard.
 
You can just buy a baseball type cap if it’s cheaper than the whole jersey. It’s just about letting them know you are listening and care about what they care about.
 
This will be the gift that keeps on giving to your relationship with them – something you can play or talk about together.
 
A gift you can build on in future interactions or mailings you send to them. If you find some cool dinosaur money, you can pop it into the mail to revive the shop game in future.
 
Play – and a willingness to be playful - is so important to creating trust and nurturing bonds from a distance. Being thoughtful about a gift’s potential for shared play will go a long way towards building the relationship you want with your grands.
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​Kerry Byrne, PhD, has studied aging and care for 25 years. She is the founder of The Long Distance Grandparent, a mission-driven business helping grandparents build strong bonds with their grandchildren from a distance.

​Holiday traditions with grandchildren might look different.

What family traditions do you have during the holidays? Do you all go to choose a tree together, coming home to hot chocolate and cookies? Do you love that first night of Hanukkah, when you get out the menorah and gather around to light that first candle? Do you eagerly anticipate your yearly marathon baking session and taking goodies to the neighbors? Do you look forward to going to church late on Christmas Eve, with all the children in matching pajamas?
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Are these holiday traditions important to you? They are to most families. Our holiday traditions are part of the culture we create as our family shapes its values and customs. Every single family has its own unique culture, something we must recognize as grandparents. When our adult children start their own families, they start establishing their own family cultures. Sometimes that culture looks a lot like the one they came from, but sometimes it doesn’t.

As grandparents, it can be hurtful or confusing when our adult children don’t continue a tradition we value. When our grandchildren don’t get to go pick out a tree because their parents opted for an artificial tree, we might feel they are missing out on something important. When their parents choose to raise them in a different faith (or none at all), it can feel like a rejection of our values. When they decline the trip to see Santa, it can seem like a criticism of our own customs.

This is where it’s important to control our perspective. Instead of concentrating on what breaking family traditions says about us, we should focus on what it says about our adult children. Instead of feeling sadness or rejection, we can celebrate their independence as they create traditions that matter to them. We can delight in watching their family culture unfold as they decide what holiday traditions to start with baby, and keep learning about them as they form their own family traditions. We can rejoice in the things they value.

None of this means you can’t start your own holiday traditions with your grandchildren. Your annual baking session will be more fun if you can include your grands. Perhaps you can bring them along on your own trip to the tree farm, buy them matching pajamas, or take them to visit Santa. But whatever you do, make sure you talk to their parents first—for two reasons.

First, you want to make sure they don’t have objections you hadn’t considered. By running your ideas by them, they can remind you to skip the almond cookies this year because of the recently diagnosed tree nut allergy. Perhaps they don’t want matching pajamas because they are worried about the environmental impact of the fashion industry.  Maybe they know their child is terrified by people in costume, and don’t want to create a negative association with Santa. Whether or not you think their objections have merit, it's crucial to find out what they are and agree to honor them.

Second, you want to make sure you aren’t hijacking a holiday tradition they wanted to enjoy themselves. I’ll never forget my neighbor practically crying when she discovered her mother had taken the kids to the mall for pictures with Santa, something she had looked forward to doing herself. Parents get first dibs on all the fun stuff!

If you are lucky, you might get to tag along.

What family traditions do you look forward to at the holidays? Share in the comments!

Is it your grandbaby's first Thanksgiving? Here are five fun Thanksgiving books to help celebrate the holiday!

Follow these holiday safety tips to keep your grandchildren safe.

Nothing is more exciting than having a little one in the house during the holiday season! Thanks to my siblings being spread out in age, and subsequently our children and grandchildren being spaced out as well, we’ve never had a Christmas without a visit from Santa Claus!
There’s something just magical about a small child’s joy at this time of year.

​Just be aware that the holidays hold more than magic: there are also many hazards that we need to minimize. Here are holiday safety tips to protect your grandchildren from some of those hazards.

Christmas Trees: While you may not need to fence off the tree entirely, you do need to keep small and breakable ornaments out of a child’s reach. Make sure you use a sturdy stand that can’t be tipped over. If you have a real tree, keep it well watered to minimize fire risk. Unplug tree lights at night and when you leave the house.  

Fire: Flames are enticing to small children and burns happen fast. Keep candles and matches out of reach, and gate off the fireplace or watch that baby like a hawk. Never leave a child alone in a room with an open flame.

Plants: While it’s a myth that poinsettias are poisonous , other holiday plants, like mistletoe, holly, and Jerusalem cherry are a danger to exploring babies and toddlers. Keep plants out of reach.

Choking hazards: The holiday home is usually filled with choking hazards. Anything that can fit through a toilet paper tube can cause a child to choke. Be vigilant about small toys, decorations, button batteries, nuts, popcorn, hard candies, etc. 

Button Batteries: Button batteries are not just a choking hazard. If swallowed, these round, flat batteries can be fatal.  

Alcohol: Family gatherings often result in glasses of sweet tasting alcohol being left where a child can sample them. Remind adults to keep track of their drinks, and quickly clean up leftovers.

Safety gear: If you are giving your grandchild a new bike, skates or scooter, make sure you provide safety gear.

Toys: Make sure toys are age appropriate: those suggested ages are often for safety reasons. Check for loose parts and choking hazards, and make sure any battery compartments can only be opened with a screwdriver.

Kitchen: A busy kitchen is never safe for small children, but during the holidays, cooks can be extra distracted. Make sure pot handles are turned away from the front of the stove and sharp knives aren’t left at the edge of the counter. Better yet, declare the cooking zone off-limits to kids and find a way to engage them in another room.

Covid-19: Children younger than five years still can’t be vaccinated, so it’s up to the adults in their lives to protect them from illness. My extended family includes three children in that group, including a newborn; we’ve pledged to all get our boosters, plus get tested before we gather. Discuss holiday safety and Covid protocols with your family so everyone is prepared.

Holiday gatherings are chaotic enough without worrying about a child being injured. Follow these holiday safety tips to keep your grandchildren safe!

For more important information about keeping your grandchild safe through the year, click here.

Start a holiday tradition with your gift to a new grandbaby ​

Is there a new grandbaby in your family this year? Why not start a holiday tradition of a special gift that will show you have cherished them from the start? Starting a collection on their behalf, and adding to it each Christmas or Hanukkah, can make gift buying easy! Even better, it will provide them with something special when they are grown.

Just be careful to choose something that will be easy to take care of and store, and that won’t be outgrown. In other words, a new stuffed animal each year is not the best idea!

​Here are four ideas that grandchildren and their parents will love:
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Holiday books
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Buying a holiday-themed book each year is a popular tradition. There is as much fun in selecting one as there is in the opening! What’s more, these books will be read and enjoyed year after year. Start with a board book like Babies Love Christmas  or the classic The Night Before Christmas. We love the versions from Hollie Hobby and Mr. Boddington’s Studio,   but keep going back to the classic with illustrations by Christian Birmingham. You can find our suggestions for Hanukkah books for babies here. 

Holiday ornament

​Choosing an ornament for your grandchild each year is another special way to celebrate. You can select one personalized with the year, or one that represents what they are interested in at each age. Either way, when they are all grown up, they will have a meaningful collection to decorate their own home. Check out Etsy  or Hallmark  for a wide variety of ornaments.
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​Commemorative coin

​One grandfather I know buys each of his grandchildren a commemorative silver dollar each year. The twist here is that he doesn’t give it to them. He keeps them safely stored, and when each child reaches 18, they will get the whole collection. They’ll know that Grandpa was thinking of them every year since their birth, and they’ll have something with a little value as they start their adult life. Find a local coin shop, or order directly from the mint in your country.

• United States: US Mint 
• UK: Royal Mint  
• Canada: Royal Canadian Mint 

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Memory Quilt

​If you are a crafty grandparent, another idea for a long-term gift is to start a quilt. Each year, ask mom or dad to give you something the child has outgrown, or choose a print that showcases something about them. Then create a quilt square with that fabric (or start an old-fashioned crazy quilt!). When your grandchild grows up and goes out into the world, they can wrap themselves in memories and love.
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Have you started a gift tradition with your grandchildren? Please share in the comments!

The holidays are approaching, and you are beginning to get excited about celebrating with your grandchildren. Meanwhile, your grandchildren’s parents are beginning to worry. Why? Because they know there are bound to be conflicts with you over the hot spots that holidays bring. 

And let’s be honest, you are a little worried, too. There are a lot of logistics to work out if you are having visitors, or visiting your grandchildren. The meal planning alone is stressful—not to mention the cooking!

So how do you prepare for a holiday season that maximizes the joy and minimizes the stress?

As with everything, it’s vital that you start with an open conversation with your adult children. Don't skip this step! Most of the stress and disappointment around holidays comes from unmet expectations. Taking the time to share your desires and listen to those of your adult kids will set the stage for a holiday everyone can enjoy.

Here are some of the topics you should discuss:
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Hot topic #1: Visits

Why? Don’t assume that your adult children want to continue to return to your home year after year, or that they want you to visit. Life gets more and more complicated as families grow, and it’s important that you let them know you want to follow their lead on this. As one parent pointed out, even if the holidays look different from years past, you’ll still be making memories. Ask them where would they would like to spend the holidays, and if they would welcome visitors or not.

Keep in mind that many parents are extra cautious about visitors and traveling with children who haven’t been vaccinated for Covid-19. Respect that they are following the advice of their health care professionals, and express your support for their decision to prioritize their child’s health. As with all parenting choices that they make, you don’t have to agree or understand their reasoning to support them. 

Hot topic #2: Gifts

Why? When we polled parents, 75% of them wanted grandparents to listen to what they say about gifts. They expressed frustration about both the choice of gifts and the sheer amount of stuff. Ask if they have any suggestions for a gift, and be honest about whether you can accommodate the request. Once you’ve asked, don’t go on to ignore their answer. To parents, having their input completely ignored feels disrespectful.

Hot topic #3: Meals
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Why? Many grandparents shared that planning meals is one of the most stressful parts of the holiday planning. Taking the time to discuss expectations for things like meal times, foods to avoid, and what help you’ll need can reduce the stress immensely. 

After you’ve had these conversations, there’s one more step before you start planning. Go get our holiday guide written just for you: A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays. It's filled with tips and strategies for making the holiday season as stress-free as possible. It includes tested, parent-approved tips for:

• Holiday Visits and Visitors
• Making Meals Memorable (for the right reasons!)
• Grand Gift Giving
• Continuing Traditions ​

For even more peace and calm, we’ve put together the Happy Holidays Bonus Pack with everything you need to plan stress-free holidays with the family.
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You'll get handy, customizable templates for organizing:

• Meal planning and shopping lists
• Gift lists
• Budgeting
• Enlisting helpers

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NOW you are ready to start planning! And if you’ve taken time to talk to your grandchild’s parents and listened to their answers, your planning will lead to a holiday filled with joy, peace and lots of magical memories. 

​The best gifts for new grandparents for Christmas and throughout the year

Trying to decide what to buy a new grandparent for the holidays this year? While customized new grandparent mugs or shirts with funny new grandparent quotes are easy to find and tempting to buy, here are some new grandparent gift ideas that they are guaranteed to love.

 A Digital Frame

The best gifts for new grandparents will help them feel connected to their new grandbaby, and a digital frame like the ones from Nixplay are our top choice. Nixplay’s advantage is the ease of use: parents can add new photos and video clips from their phone or computer, and they instantly appear in the frame at Pops and DeeDee’s house. Having a slideshow of your favorite photos sitting on desk means your family is always just a glance away. Buy now on Amazon.

A Stylish Tote

If you want to know what to give a new grandmother for Christmas, the classy Mazzy tote by Seam Reap is a truly special choice. Whether she fills it with baby supplies for a day out or packs it for a trip to visit the baby, this chic, spacious bag is the perfect accessory. There are classic and edgy options, and I love that it is designed and handmade in the US by a small, woman-owned business. See all the styles here. 

Everyone benefits when grandparents and parents are on the same page! New Grandparent Essentials is a digital guide that arms new grandparents with the tools and information they need to prepare for this new stage in family life. It includes the latest on baby care and safety, conversation starters to help establish a supportive partnership with parents, tested advice to avoid common pitfalls, curated resources and more. Parents and grandparents agree New Grandparent Essentials is the ideal way to understand their new roles, which makes it one of the best gifts for new grandparents. Learn more here.

Books celebrating this stage in life are a thoughtful way to welcome new grandparents to their new role. Jane Isay’s Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today is a handbook for a successful partnership with parents. I think it should be required reading for every new grandparent! Not only does it provide an inspiring look at the wonders of being a grandparent, it also provides solid, actionable advice on how to avoid the pitfalls that await even the most well-intentioned grandparents. Get a copy here. 

Nanaville by Anna Quindlan is another wonderful celebration of being a new grandparent. Find it here.

A new grandparent ornament

A special ornament to mark the birth of a new grandchild is another gift idea for new grandparents. Click on the photos below to buy these from Amazon. 

No matter what you decide to buy new grandparents, keep in mind that they’ve already gotten the best gift of all: a new grandbaby!

​Read this quick post before you make your holiday plans!

Getting ready to plan for the holidays? For many of us, it’s been two years since we were able to gather with our families to celebrate year-end holidays. Babies have been born, and gathering has new risks and protocols. Parents are worried about grandparents visiting the new baby, and grandparents are worried about what they need to do to make visits to their house go smoothly!
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That’s why we created our newest freebie, "A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays". It's 12 pages filled with tips and strategies to make sure you can enjoy the holidays without the stress! It includes suggestions for all the topics that can lead to holiday stress and disappointment:

• Holiday Visits and Visitors
• Making Meals Memorable (for the right reasons!)
• Grand Gift Giving
• Continuing Traditions

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For even more peace and calm, we created the Holiday Bonus Pack. It includes everything you need to organize happy holidays with the family. You'll get customizable templates for:

• Meal planning and shopping lists
• Gift lists
• Budgeting
• Enlisting helpers

​When the Holiday Bonus Pack is coupled with A Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays, you’ll have everything you need to make the 2021 holiday season the best one yet! Make sure you grab it before you start your planning!

Get your free copy now!