​I had a vision in my mind about what grandparenting was like from watching my own grandparents, and then my parents and in-laws as they grandparented my children. I thought I knew what grandparenting was all about, or at least what it would look like.
 
Our life was 1200 miles from both sets of grandparents in a pre-internet and cellphone era, so we did not have the advantage of having them in our lives regularly. We supplemented with videos, letters and phone calls, but realistically, Grandparenting looked like long-distance relationships and occasional visits for my children.
 
My father once remarked, “You shouldn’t have to be introduced to your grandchildren.” I felt the same regret at not having those close relationships. To complicate matters, my first child took a while to warm to having semi-strangers in her space —strangers that desperately wanted to spend their time and attention on her. More than once she’d finally let them befriend her on the last day of their visit, only to have them leave again. And we would repeat the whole process the next time they arrived.
 
When my first grandson was born, he lived far away. Fortunately, I had access to Skymiles and took advantage of the opportunity that my circumstances allowed by visiting often. The blessing of technology allowed me to be “there” nearly daily (and some days more than once) through FaceTime calls which filled in as the next best thing when I couldn’t be there in person.
 
I would spend a few days and then return to my life at home which was quiet. Other than regular FaceTime calls, and an occasional visit, my life and my grandparenting life were separated. The toys were tucked away, there were no goldfish crackers and applesauce pouches in my pantry, and the Pack ’n Play grew dust on the top shelf of the closet.
 
Recently,  job change opportunities for my kids brought all my grandkids close to home and that meant a series of new grandparenting pivots. One of my grandkids and his parents moved in with us for a short time while they were navigating housing, which meant I got to grandparent full time. The quiet house was filled with a new level of activity that all revolved around a 1-year-old grandchild. Safety gates went up, the toys took a central stage, diapers piled up in the trash bin, and the basket of children’s books grew. Mealtimes, naptimes, and bedtimes all became a part of the daily rhythm of life. My other grandchild lived a short drive away, and we wore a steady path on the road between our homes. Weekends were full of family and grandkids and the resulting chaos of clamoring cousins and a home full of family. Now, instead of being separated from grandparenting, my life revolved around my grandparenting.

Nurturing mindfulness in your grandchildren gives them a gift they can use for life.

The hot days of summer are here, and with three small children at home, peaceful moments are bound to be in short supply at my grandchildren's house! Especially for my daughter-in-law, who is home all day while my son works ridiculously long hours. The heat and humidity in their home state is unbearable for my SoCal constitution, so I avoid visiting during the summer. I try to make up for not being on the ground to help out by providing activities they can do with minimal parental commitment.

This month, I sent a virtual mindfulness retreat. The simplest definition of mindfulness is paying full attention to something, and paying attention is a crucial skill for kids! Helping them learn to focus, breath and relax will help them deal with frustration and stress, something that is part of everyone’s life. What did I include?

First, Yogi, a yoga card game that includes a variety of kids’ activities. 

While yoga and mindfulness are two distinct things, they share many elements. Yoga helps kids pay attention to their bodies and breath. It’s also a great activity when it’s too hot for a bike ride! The report from the ground was that they loved it. ​

​Next, My First Mandalas Coloring Book  and new markers from Crayola, Pip-Squeaks Skinnies. These washable markers are designed for little hands, and the box of 64 colors was met with complete and utter delight. SO MANY COLORS! Despite that, a certain three-year-old still colored her first mandala almost entirely in pink.

​The adorable board book, Mindfulness Moments for Kids: Breathe Like a Bear by Kira Willey, shares mindful meditation exercises for the very young. Anni Betts’ beautiful illustrations featuring a sweet bear cub show children how to feel calm. ​

A classic, The Important Book by Margaret Wise Brown, asks children to think deeply about the importance of everyday objects. The simple concept and colorful pictures resonated with the grandchildren: it’s been a repeated request at story time since they got it.  ​

And finally, ​A Handful of Quiet: Happiness in Four Pebbles, by Thich Nhat Hanh, shares the concept of mindfulness in a way that children can understand and practice. Pebble mediation is a simple practice that can relieve stress, increase concentration, nourish gratitude, and help children deal with difficult emotions. It’s a book we might all want to read!

I also sent a tiny gift for my daughter-in-law: some soap that smells like one of her favorite teas. My hope is that when she uses it, she will breathe deeply, remember she is loved, and find a mindful moment of joy—or at least peace!

Like any other skill, mindfulness takes practice to develop. Introducing it while they are young will help your grandchildren learn to understand their emotions and develop a useful tool for handling life’s stress. 

Do you practice mindfulness? Have you shared it with your grandchildren? Let us know in the comments!

Does mindfulness fit with your goals as a grandparent?

Finally! Covid restrictions had eased, we’d all been vaccinated, and we were going to spend a glorious six days with our grandchildren and their parents! It had been seven months since we’d seen them, and the baby had gone from a barely scooting bug to a fully walking toddler. We’d missed so much! I was determined to make the most of every day. I’d read Grandparenting: Renew, Relive, Rejoice and was committed to being fully present during the short time we’d have together.

Within a day, I realized I’d forgotten something crucial: being with small children is an endurance sport, and I’m not an endurance athlete. Trying to be fully present created an intense overload on my system, especially after the cocoon I’d been living in during Covid. So how could I use the lessons of mindfulness to deepen our relationship without ending up longing for the end of the visit? What was I doing wrong, that one day with my grandchildren left me exhausted?

That night, I reread my grandparent vision statement and Grand Plan*. No where did my grandparenting plan include being fully present at all times. What it did include was letting my grandchildren know they were important to me, and helping out my children as much as possible. I needed to take the principles of mindfulness and apply them to help me be the grandmother I wanted to be. There were five ways to be more mindful that I found fit well with my goals.

Grandparenting: RENEW, RELIVE, REJOICE is a simple, user-friendly guide to being more present in the moments you have with your grandchildren. It suggests practical, actionable activities to help you fully enjoy the time you have together. Students of mindfulness will be familiar with many of the techniques, but even mindfulness masters will appreciate the suggestions for sharing those techniques with your grandchildren. 

The suggestions in early chapters seemed like common sense to me, but later chapters had activities that I look forward to trying with my grandchildren. I especially loved the section on listening, an area where we can all use some improvement! Generously interspersed with the mindfulness suggestions are charming anecdotes from grandparents. If you love reading stories that make you go, “Aww”, you will enjoy this book for the stories alone.

If you are a grandparent who has been curious about mindfulness, this book would be a great place to start. It’s probably most helpful to grandparents who see their grandchildren often and regularly, though some of the ideas would work during infrequent visits, as well.

Ready to be a more mindful grandparent? Order it today!

If you’ve read it, please share your thoughts about the book in the comments!